2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
20 years ago, I weighed 65 kg with a height of 178 cm and considered myself fat. Now, looking at the photographs of that time, I see a young, beautiful and slender girl. And I am amazed, remembering how I perceived myself then. For myself, I was always not … not beautiful enough, not thin enough. I compared myself, of course, with supermodels in photoshopped photographs. It seemed to me that I’ll reach for their weight and their beauty - and here I’ll be happy. In the meantime, this … Probably, I smelled of self-doubt, because I also came across suitable men who also considered me fat and did not hesitate to say it. Not being fat, I managed to find people confirming that I was fat! How is this possible ?! But it is possible … and even very much!
There is such an interesting psychological defense - projective identification. This is when we bring the surrounding reality in accordance with our ideas. It sounds like magic, but unfortunately, it's rather sad. For example, a person who feels worthless and finds himself in a new society, where no one thinks he is, unconsciously begins to behave in such a way that those around him would form a “correct” opinion about him. This is because otherwise there will be a discrepancy between human ideas and reality, which is difficult for the human psyche to withstand. You know, as in popular esotericism they say that we "attract" situations into our life. Wild explanations are given for this and no less wild recommendations for "attracting" the desired situations. But there is a real basis for this.
A long time ago, not being a psychologist and not knowing anything about projective identification, I noticed such things in other people. For example, those unmarried women with children, who believed that a man did not need a woman with a child, really either could not meet anyone, or met those who later reproached them with this. At the same time, those women to whom such thoughts did not even occur to them, successfully married even with three children. Anyone who thinks that after 40 years of age no one will take on a new job really cannot get a job. Those who believe that it is too late to change their profession in adulthood will certainly find confirmation of this.
Our beliefs affect our lives. Just do not think that you need to try to correct them with "affirmations." No matter how many times you repeat to yourself "I am the most charming and attractive", there will be no sense. Such things do not work or work very poorly and not for long, until the first blow of life. After all, our beliefs have a solid foundation of a different nature. It is important to find the reasons for our beliefs, examine them from different angles, and realize them. Expanding our zone of awareness changes us. We are changing - and with us our life is changing for the better.
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