2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-08 14:21
… I keep waiting and will wait all my life, when will you tell me that you love me. When you hear me and what is important to me. When you praise not some girl or boy, but me …
Sound like resentment? Sounds like dreams that didn't come true sometime in the past?
Resentment is a childish feeling and it is associated with the expectations and hopes from another significant person for you to get what you want, and in this article from your parents
Think at your leisure what you missed as a child in your relationship with your parents and you were offended
These may be words of encouragement that you have been lacking. “I believe in you”, “You will succeed”, “I am near”, “I am with you”. How did your parents support you in your endeavors and manifestations? Was there any support in your life or was there a requirement to conform to the image of an ideal obedient child? Maybe you lacked attention and respect? Instead, you were criticized and humiliated. Or maybe you wanted to be heard, but received indifference and ignorance in return. Did they show you tenderness and affection?
Or maybe some of you were abandoned by your parents or were alcoholics. And you have not received the warmth, love and care that every child needs. And this resentment now, consciously or unconsciously, lives with you and controls your life
Resentment. When we say "offended" - it sounds incomprehensible. What does it mean to be offended? And what does an offense look like? It is an emotion that includes feelings such as sadness ("I am in pain") and anger ("This is not fair. You cannot do this with me"). But as a child, many of you were not taught to express resentment. Someone was offended and closed in on themselves. Someone was offended and cried into the pillow. Someone was throwing a tantrum and rolling on the floor. Someone was crying and breaking toys
And now, in adulthood, the scenario laid down in childhood is reproduced by you. How does it manifest itself? Someone is lonely, because the following rule is triggered: "It is better to be alone than to re-experience, for example, the fear of rejection." Since there is no skill to build close trusting relationships. Someone, on the contrary, is in family relationships, but is there happiness in this family? It is worth considering. Maybe just cohabitation of two adults out of habit and according to the stereotypes of society? Perhaps someone is simply unlucky: one failure follows another. The need for success, recognition, self-respect, self-realization is not satisfied
As you can see, the needs that were not met in childhood are looking for satisfaction now in the present, in real relationships. How? And such that from the majority of people, through transferring to the role of a parent, a person is selected on whom the hope is placed, that he will therefore fill that void that has formed inside you, satisfying your emotional hunger. I call hunger the unmet need for care, respect, recognition, love, security. There is such a person (friend, girlfriend, husband, boss), but it turns out that in reality he does not meet your expectations. Just because HE (person) is not your mom and dad. He is a different person. With their needs, desires, interests, hobbies and goals. And you are offended again
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