Mom, Dad Are Crying, I Am An Adaptation !? Part 2

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

And now, based on the conclusions published in the first part of this article, we will form the basic principles of a different approach to adaptation.

Approach of DIRECT PARTICIPATION of a parent in the process of adaptation of a child to kindergarten

PRINCIPLE 1. The child remains in the group for the first time of adaptation with the parent. Together GRADUALLY passes an acquaintance with the teacher, with the group room, with the regime, with the content and organization of meals, classes. Together with parents a gentle regimen is developed for the child on the first weeks (one to two weeks) of his stay in a preschool institution.

It is known that children under the age of 3 cannot play together yet, they are most likely “near”, but not “together”, but close and strong contact at this age is established with adults - with mom, dad, grandmother and etc. Therefore, during the period of initial adaptation, it is very important to establish contact between the child and the new adult in the group, i.e. in the educator. It is he who takes on the functions of protecting and accepting the child so far.

In general, the entire adaptation period lasts for different children in different ways, it happens that it reaches 6 months. IN on average, in children, the adaptation period lasts from one to 2 months … Moreover, when using the direct hands-off approach, the adaptation period is significantly increased. (Adaptation of a child to the conditions of a kindergarten: process control, diagnostics, recommendations. - Volgograd: Teacher, 2008. - 188 p.). If difficulties arise even after 2 months of being in the kindergarten, then special attention of the kindergarten staff - educators, a psychologist, and, of course, parents is necessary.

Children are different, and if your child at the sight of you leaving does not express resistance in the initial period of adaptation, then you may well leave your child alone. But you must admit that in one or two days you yourself still do not fully get used to new people, for example, to a team, when you start a new job. You also need about one to two weeks to understand a new environment, while keep in mind that you are an adult and you are most likely familiar with the skills of establishing new contacts in large or small groups, and your child will face a similar environment most likely for the first time.

Therefore, your stay in the initial period of adaptation, which is one to two weeks, may be mandatory. Only if your child agrees to your care, then you can leave.

PRINCIPLE 2. Parents NEVER LEAVE the kindergarten during the adaptation period, WITHOUT SEEKING THE CHILD. We adhere to the principle of mutual separation - this is when the child agrees to your departure himself

When the moment of separation does come, even if everything was already good before and the child already behaves interested and more calmly in the new environment, the child may again experience anxiety. You will most likely have to face tears as well. Age-related fears will make themselves felt. But the most important thing that you will already know is that these fears will no longer have such great force or they will not be superimposed on the child's psyche in one continuous layer. This means that the fears experienced by the child will be less. The child already knows with whom, and where he remains, and with what processes he will have to face.

Why do you still need to wait for your child's consent to leave. Because, baby must be sure you will come back! I wrote about this in more detail in the first thematic article.

He most likely will not want to part with you, especially for children from 2 to 3 or 3, 5 years old. From 2 to 3 years old - emotional contact with parents is still very strong. In addition, the age of about 3 years is a conditional period when children go through an age-related developmental crisis, which in itself brings many changes in the child's psyche, and is associated with additional stress for him (moodiness, negativism increases, stubbornness increases, etc.)). During this period, psychologists do not recommend sending children to kindergarten. But, unfortunately, many parents are forced to send their child to kindergarten at this age due to the need to earn a living, as the mother approaches the end of maternity leave.

Even if a child tearfully says to his mother: "Bye", this already means that he is ready to face new things in his life himself. This means that he understands the situation that he will have to part with you, and although he does not accept it, the atmosphere of the kindergarten already familiar to him, the familiar faces of the kids, the familiar teacher, and, most importantly, he knows that you will return, awaits him. And this is already the first step towards independence, towards a turn of the child's psyche towards solving problematic issues of adaptation.

PRINCIPLE 3. At the moment of separation, we try not to linger, provided that the moment of separation occurs after the passage of the initial period of adaptation

It was precisely that I was not delayed at parting that they wanted from me when my daughter stayed for the first time in the kindergarten group. The question is, when should this principle be adhered to? If the child is already familiar with the situation and has passed the first 1-2 weeks of adaptation, in the kindergarten with you it is quite comfortable and easy for him, then it is better not to prolong the separation. Now the child will still experience anxiety when parting with you, which is characteristic of his age and nature, but your presence and a long separation in this case only increases the tension. Agree, a child who is just beginning to cry is easier to calm down than a child who has already dispersed in hysterical crying. Then, when you are already sure that the child knows a lot about what will happen to him, then such long separations are not desirable.

The most characteristic psychological signs that the child is already slowly and confidently adapting to the new environment, you can name the following:

1) After parting with you, the child quickly stops crying and screaming;

2) Even if the child stops crying, then he does not move away from the general process, i.e. the child does not sit in the corner during the day and is not just an observer. Often not adapted children sit separately on a high chair, or somewhere in a corner, or near a window, eagerly looking out for their parents;

3) Then, when you return to pick up the child, he is in a joyful mood from meeting you. Even if your child is not yet talking or cannot tell you what happened in kindergarten, his joyful and calm greeting indicates that before that he had nothing to worry about, and his mood was also good and even. This means that anxiety while in the garden is reduced.

Parents often say that it is impossible to adhere to this approach in their kindergartens, that they are simply kicked out of kindergarten. To help you, I can only refer to the law that it is your personal right to participate in this process. To use this right is already your choice. I can also draw your attention to some points.

According to the law of Ukraine "On preschool education" (section 6, article 27), the participants in the educational process in the field of preschool education are: children of preschool age, educators and their assistants, the director (or his deputy) of the institution, parents or persons who replace them ! Parents - we are obligatory participants in the educational process in the field of preschool education.

Therefore, if something bothers you in the educational process of your child in kindergarten, this is your right and duty coordinate this issue with other participants in this process.

You can often hear similar opinions or statements to which we will look for answers in advance.

1) “The groups are already overcrowded, and you specifically interfere with the teacher to cope with his tasks. Other children will only pay attention to you."

I will answer this statement as follows. So, it is not the responsibility of the educator for your child to develop in a preschool institution without harming his psyche and health? This is the first and one of the most important duties of an educator in accordance with the same law of Ukraine "On Preschool Education". The attitude towards even one child reflects the attitude towards the main group of children. Moreover, you will not interfere with the general process, the child with you will feel calm in any case, because he is under your protection. And other children will not be accordingly distracted by your child when he does not cry and scream.

2) "The sanitary station prohibits the presence of parents in the premises of the kindergarten"

Politely ask the provider to show this section of the law or document where it is prohibited. If you are healthy with simple requirements, you can be in a group. Usually, the basic requirements for being in a kindergarten group are described in the statute of the preschool institution. You can politely ask to read them and follow them. There will be nothing complicated in them - you may need to make a fluorogram or provide a certificate stating that you have one, most likely, you will need to bring a change of shoes and a dressing gown - today such things of short-term use are sold in almost any pharmacy.

3) Why do you interfere in the educational process of the kindergarten?

I have already mentioned above that this process is a joint activity or creativity of both parents and educators. And this is not just the approach of one of the specialists in the field of education and upbringing, this decision was provided to us by the state, and, therefore, has its own weighty grounds for today.

Dear parents, I would also like to draw your attention to the fact that, although it was rather difficult for me to explain my approach to adaptation in kindergarten, I was firmly convinced that it was my right and politely and persistently walked towards my goal. I also tried to listen to the experience of educators, because their experience has been confirmed over the years, and like every person, they also have the right to think differently.

I think that is why I managed to avoid very conflict situations. I confess, it was not easy for me or for the educators, but something new is always fraught with some difficulties. You may encounter a lot of controversy in your direction, but please try to also listen to what you are told. Today, the approach of direct parental intervention in reality is a bit revolutionary, it is very difficult to implement it in our kindergartens. There are many reasons, but I will list at least some of the main ones:

1) Due to the lack of public preschool institutions, kindergarten groups are overcrowded. This is probably the most compelling reason. In reality, groups consist of 30-35 people, sometimes more, although the standard requirements provide for groups of about 20 people. For the educator, this is also, to some extent, field conditions. It is really difficult in them to do everything as it is necessary, sometimes, it is simply impossible. It is sometimes difficult for us parents to cope with our one child, but what to say when the caregiver's attention is scattered on 35 elusive babies? Of course, in such cases, special adaptation groups should be formed in which special attention is paid to new children. Of course, something should be done towards changes in this situation, but these are already questions for the state in which we live.

2) The Direct NON-Intervention approach is an approach that has been entrenched over the years. Indeed, children adapt with this approach, but with what consequences - this issue was not particularly studied in the old days. Naturally, everything old and ingrained is reluctant to meet new.

I, nevertheless, remain, with any even weighty justifications for the old approach to adaptation, a supporter of parental intervention in the adaptation process. Yes, the introduction of a new approach is really difficult, but it is absolutely clear that it is necessary! And if we agree to the old methods, and even drop by drop do not move to new ones, it means that we are sacrificing mental health, which is equal to the physical health of our children. I do not agree to this, and let the changes be fraught with difficulties - these are the difficulties that need to be resolved.

One of the principles of Gestalt psychology is interesting in this regard. The best change always comes with problems and discomfort. Anyway! After all, it is very good when, for example, your child goes to school, this is a moment of happiness and joy for both the child and the parents, but, nevertheless, you will have a lot of new troubles and worries.

I would say this, if you want change, get ready for difficulties. Only these difficulties and problems can be perceived simply as new tasks

And if you try, gain strength and patience, I am sure that you and your child will succeed in your case, you can say about your family like this: “Mom, dad are glad, I am an adaptation!”.