Children In Divorce

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the most significant causes of depression in children is parental divorce. And since divorce is quite common nowadays, there are a lot of children suffering from family troubles. Although many parents believe that the child is too young to be concerned about the problems of family life, this is not at all the case

Up to one and a half years, a child may not be very significant about the disappearance of the dad. This is most often due to the fact that fathers mostly do little to children. At best, their contribution to education is reduced to an evening session of the "horned goat". Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, dads don't quite know what to do with such a small child. You can't even talk to him in your life and you can't play football.

From one and a half to 2.5 years, the child already clearly understands that his father is not, is waiting for him, worries about the absence of the traditional "evening goat", does not want to sleep. Older children ask where dad is. Feeling discomfort, the child becomes moody, often throws tantrums, he may have tics and obsessions. The kid starts to get sick more often, because the immune system also fails in the presence of anxiety-depressive disorder.

If the father left the family when the child was from 2, 5 to 6 years old, the baby is experiencing serious stress. The child feels like a part of both mother and father, and the disappearance of one of the parents puts him in an almost shock state. During this period, children naturally do not understand the nuances of life, they begin to believe that their father has left because he does not love him. And since the father does not love him, then the baby behaved badly or was bad. Thus, the child begins to consider himself the main reason for the divorce, feels guilty about what happened and even tries to make amends with good behavior.

From 6 to 10 years old, in response to the parents' divorce, the child feels his powerlessness, insignificance for the leaving father. From a feeling of hopelessness, the child often falls into depression, which is manifested by a decrease in academic performance, apathy, a loss of interest in everything that was of interest before, sometimes it becomes aggressive either towards the father or towards the mother.

Children over ten years old often cease to trust adults altogether, and become isolated. Boys often become strongly attached to their mother, sometimes they begin to hate their father, considering him a traitor. Girls, on the other hand, more often direct their aggression at their mother, considering her to be the culprit of the divorce.

The breakdown of the family is the strongest stress for the child. For this reason, it is necessary to follow a number of rules in order to minimize the baby's experience:

1. There is no need for hot Italian scenes in front of a child with smashing dishes and sawing furniture.
2. Mothers, often experiencing negative feelings and anger towards their ex-spouse, begin to open their eyes to a small child about what kind of cattle his father was. Refrain ladies from "pouring out indignation" about this. Since the child in some way feels like a part of the father, you simultaneously tell the child that he is also bad. And then, if dad acts like a pirate or Barmaley, how can you love such people? And the child still loves his father, and your revelations make this love shameful.
3. Before parting, both parents should talk to the child and tell him that they will no longer live together. There is no need to tell your child about the philosophical meaning of life, that dad will live with another aunt and they will soon have another baby, or that dad is an alcoholic and can no longer be in the same house with us. Nothing good will come of your frank speech.
4. Dads! Tighten up and meet with your child, so that later you do not poke your ex-wife: "Look, what a moral monster you raised him!" The father who does not visit him and does not participate in his upbringing makes a very significant contribution to the "moral deformity" of the child. If it so happens that you do not live together, do not forget about your fatherly responsibilities. However, if you cannot adhere to the agreement reached with the child with regard to visiting the child, then it is better not to go at all. A deceived and abandoned child, the most unfortunate creature.
5. Mom! Try not to make accusatory speeches like, "all men are bastards, and your dad is a bastard and a bastard in one faceted glass." In the girl, this will form a general distrust of men, and the inability to build his own family, the boy has a dislike for his own sex (I'm not talking about the fact that he will be a transvestite, but that he will feel insecure in life, feeling like a bastard).
6. Mom and Dad! When communicating with a child, avoid comparisons like: "you are the same nurse as your mother", "here she is a beastly fatherly nature." This is without comment, I hope. The same as different sayings about the spouse's relatives of an offensive nature. Remember, these are relatives of your child too.
7. Do not do anything for which the child will not respect you. I mean petty dirty tricks on the ex-spouse in front of the child. You don't have to stick potatoes into the exhaust pipe of your mom's car with your son or to stain your dad’s clothes with lipstick when he walks into the toilet. You are pushing the child into antisocial behavior. He will learn from your guerrilla warfare that doing things unpleasant for others is ridiculous and even harming your dad or mom you can get the opposite side's approval. Among other things, if you teach a child to do good things, but do bad things yourself, then your authority in his adolescence may collapse.
8. Mom does not need to broadcast about "how we live beautifully without dad", even if it really is. This can create a feeling in the child that the family is not necessary at all, which can greatly affect his life.

What disorders will indicate that the child is experiencing some kind of disorder associated with divorce?

1. Anxiety
2. Phobias.
3. Tantrums and tearfulness.
4. Theft.
5. Deterioration in academic performance.
6. Aggressiveness.
7. Apathy, loss of interest.
8. Conduct disorders.

(As for points 3 and 4, this appears against the background of a decrease in the general volitional control over their impulses as a result of depressive and anxiety disorders.)

In general, remember that the child is the first person to take care of during your divorce. Separation of parents for a baby is an insoluble task and you should not leave him alone with her. Be close to your baby even if you don't want to be close to each other.