2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The very fact of divorce is not as traumatic as what happens during and after the divorce proceedings. Divorce does not always reflect negatively on the child.
If your family has not managed to maintain a harmonious, happy relationship, and you have decided to divorce, do not forget: You separate as marriage partners, and you remain parents forever.
Even if you are still very angry with each other, try to pull yourself together and adhere to the following rules:
The conversation with the child should begin immediately before the actual departure of the parents. If you are not sure yet, or while you live together, postpone the conversation, "do not get your nerves."
BOTH parents should tell children about divorce at the same time. A family council can be organized (only parents and children, no grandparents).
This is a very important point - at this stage, the two parents must be together and in solidarity. "Dad and I decided …" "We thought for a long time.." "We are better this way.." "This is our adult life, it happens …"
You should not go deep into the reasons, the younger the child, the less details he should be told. Make sure that your conversation does not turn into an exculpatory or apologetic format! You are adults. It is your decision; you have the right to do so.
Emphasize that "As a husband and wife, it is difficult for us to live together, but we will forever remain your mom and dad. Mom and dad love you" "Thanks to our marriage, we have you!"
Legalize negative experiences. "Yes, we are also sad that this happened", "Perhaps you will be angry." Remember, the child becomes emotionally infected from adults, it makes no sense to hide your feelings, children feel everything.
Next, be sure to explain how your new life will work. With whom the child is left to live when he sees the departed parent, who will pick up from school. If dad will live in another place, then show the new apartment, it is desirable that it has a personal place for the child, bed / table / things / toys.
The most unfavorable age for divorce in children is 6-9 years. During this period, they actively develop imagination, analytical processes.
Often they think out a lot and consider themselves to be guilty.
But, in any case, keeping the marriage for the sake of children is a mistake. "Let's wait until they grow up" is a bad idea! Worse than a divorce are scandals in front of children, insults, deception, or tense silence.
Please remember that ALL children are worthy of the truth. Speak honestly, in the language of a child's age.
One heart-to-heart conversation won't be enough. They need time to "digest". Children will start to worry about themselves and their parents.
Worry about your "poor daddy", who now lives alone, worry about mommy, who has become sad.
During this period, give the child the feeling that he can lean on you, be open to any questions, hug and kiss more often.
Divorce is a powerful stress and a difficult test for the psyche of both children and adults. If it is difficult for you to cope on your own, if the divorce is still a dark spot in your family, it is difficult for you to come to an agreement and communicate - consultations with a psychologist can be a support for you, and a start to a new life.
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