2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In recent years, offense has been particularly ostracized.
First, they say that resentment is manipulation, that with the help of resentment we want to force a person to do what we need. Are you feeling hurt? Ay-yayayay to you! You are a vicious manipulator!
They say that resentment arises from unrealized expectations. You shouldn't have expected from a person what you expected. What makes you think that he should behave towards you in this way? Nobody owes you anything, and now take offense at yourself that they are so stupid. Has your husband cheated on you? There is no need to be offended by him. Did you really expect to be the only one? Here is a strange woman! Something is wrong with you, you need to work on yourself and get rid of the resentment.
The offense is blamed for the occurrence of various diseases, in particular - cancer. Stop being offended quickly. Do you want to get sick?
This is not to say that all of the above is completely untrue and has no right to exist. This is half-truth - and this is its danger.
Indeed, we can manipulate with resentment, knowingly pretending to be offended. But then it's not about real feeling.
Yes, unfulfilled expectations are one of the causes of resentment. But we cannot but have expectations, this is a natural process. They arise in the course of relationships based on our experience. We expect the sun to rise in the morning because we have experienced it in the morning. If a person greets us every morning, then we expect that he will greet us today as well. It's okay to expect.
Can resentment be the cause of illness? Yes, like any other feeling, even joy, if it is not expressed, repressed, denied or not realized at all. In particular, this is why it is so important to be aware of and accept all the feelings that we experience.
What is the danger of this half-truth? The fact that she inspires a person with a sense of guilt. You cannot be offended: if I am offended, then I am to blame. And the person begins to try not to be offended. But this is impossible. We cannot stop feeling, we can only stop being aware of our feelings, displace them into the unconscious, then it stays with us for a long time and affects us, just becoming the cause of illness and other troubles. And then we are deprived of the opportunity to hear it and do something with our life.
If, nevertheless, we proceed from the fact that all the feelings that we experience are given to us for some reason and they want to tell us something, then what does the insult want to say?
In order to understand this, you first need to understand what an offense is, what basic emotions it consists of. As you know, we have few basic emotions: anger, joy, sadness, interest, disgust, surprise, fear and contempt. If you listen to yourself, it’s not hard to understand that resentment consists of anger and sadness. Anger is the energy that arises when we face an obstacle in the way of meeting our needs and is given to overcome them. And sadness is when we feel that we have lost something meaningful to us. Thus, resentment is a signal that something went wrong in our relationship. Next, we can try to figure out what exactly is wrong and settle the relationship. And if it is impossible to do it, then break it. And all this helps to make an offense if you follow her voice, and not try to fight her, as is often suggested.
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