2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I know firsthand the state of “non-standing”. It is a gooey mixture of anticipation, dissatisfaction, anxiety, confusion and worry. Sometimes the wine looks around the corner: it seems like spent a lot of time solving psychological issues, bought a yoga mat and “visited” a psychologist via Skype. Why is it all wrong inside?
The question we are discussing is of an existential rather than a psychological nature. It is natural for psychoanalysis to retreat when it comes to ontology - in other words, the emergence of the self. This is neither good nor bad: this is normal and correct. For example, it is not very reasonable to expect that physics that studies matter will be able to explain the origin of matter. Explaining origins - we'll call it the pretentious word ontology - requires a top-down view. That is, in the above example, we should talk about the metaphysics of the process.
It is the same with the ego, "I" or personality: for the formation of the ego to start, the human consciousness needs to make an unprecedented leap in comparison with the creatures that precede it. It is only when this leap is completed that the formation of the ego becomes possible.
The main difference between human consciousness and creatures lower in relation to man is the ability to create a personality ("I") and to be identified with this personality. Personality formation begins when the “newcomer” person establishes the “me-other” duality. This person is called the ego.
The self-other separation presupposes communication. For the ego to form, language is needed. Language is symbols and sounds that match (but not the same) elements of collective reality.
Our whole personality is a huge conceptual construct
The main directions of psychology are aimed at studying the development and behavior of the ego. However, an observant person will sooner or later discover that inside each of us there are as if two points of view: the observer and the observed. With a little training, it becomes possible for a while to “disassociate” with the observed and observe your ego from a relatively detached angle.
To solve the problem of "background dissatisfaction", you will need just such an ability to disidentify for a while and observe your personality from the outside.
The ability to disidentify with the ego and observe an inner space that is relatively ego-free is most effectively achieved through increased awareness and self-exploration.
In the consciousness of every person who has made awareness a part of his life, there comes a moment when inside, in the intervals between thoughts and feelings, there is enough space to realize that the ego, or personality, creates itself itself … Considering that the leap for such a process has been made, from the moment a person is born, the process of creating a separate personality starts. Please note: a separate person does not come into our world as a separate person - it is solely the perception of ourselves as a separate being that makes us separate (play with this idea). The truth is, most people don't know who they really are.
As we grow up, we absorb the cultural attitudes of our environment. Recently I dropped in to see a friend. A friend gave me pancakes. Plain, classic pancakes. They are prepared in every family from time to time. When the first bite was in my mouth, an understanding dawned on me: although pancakes are "pancakes in Africa," the taste of pancakes in a friend's family was radically different from the usual taste of pancakes in my family. Pancakes at home, of course, seemed much tastier to me.
Why are we so frantically looking for where to taste kvass, like from a barrel, or taste ice cream according to GOST, as in childhood? In the process of absorbing life experience, we absorb preferences and values. What we consider to be "universally normal" is not so in another culture. It's safe to say that our preferences regarding where we live, “decent” behavior, morality, and favorite food are all learned and reinforced during the process of growing up in a particular culture.
With such convictions, a whole mass of expectations comes to us, which society translates to us. What should a man be like? What should a woman be like? What is a successful person like? What is failure? What does it mean if you're a loser?
The artificiality of the belief that none of them is universal. They were all invented by people. Seeing and following ideals, self-esteem, built in close connection with the degree of "personification" of these very ideals - none of this is spelled out in the universe anywhere, except for our laws and unwritten moral and cultural foundations.
A background state of dissatisfaction occurs when the ego - this conceptually built, created and self-sustaining personality - compares the experience we are experiencing "here and now" with its belief "as it should be."
It is easy to see that "here and now" always loses out "as it should be."
Hence the dissatisfaction.
What can you do to reduce background discomfort?
How about phrasing the question like this: what to do to overcome the background discomfort …?
Don't be surprised. It really is possible. Contrary to what we are forced to believe (for example, that worry is normal), the state of inner discomfort and uncertainty can and must be transformed … if we want to feel good, of course. Surprisingly, it seems that most people living on planet Earth are afraid of the prospect of incessant joy and tranquility much more than the state of constant stress. To find out more, read my article: "Joy" …..
The background discomfort is overcome by an honest, naked plunge into a wormhole of discomfort. When you catch discomfort, ask yourself: What expectation is not being fulfilled? How do I want everything to be, as opposed to how everything is now?
After answering the above questions, please note that maintaining such a state is a free choice for each person. No matter how much it interferes, for some reason we continue to cling to this state of discomfort. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? What Do I need to let go for the suffering to end?
In most cases, the answer is the same: you need to let go of the conviction that everything in life should not be as it is, but otherwise. This belief is artificial, superficial. You are free to let him go right now. Let it float into the unknown.
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