About Praise. Continuation

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

After I wrote down here my thoughts on the need to praise children (and not children, as I was absolutely rightly prompted), and read your reactions to these thoughts, it seemed right to add something. Partly as a response to many of those who responded in the comments, partly as a clarification of what I wrote earlier.

I would like to add the following.

1. It makes sense to praise a person not just like that, but for the cause. And this is where an effort is required: to find what is good at. Make out something where it flashed. Yes, unbearable, yes, impossible, yes, impudent and gloomy. Do not praise for arrogance, do not praise for unbearableness. But smiled with dimples? But he composed a parody of the teacher, and is the parody really good? But - at least, at least - every day he throws his shoes into the center of the carpet, and today he put them, smart girl, near the door?

One usually does not try at all, but today he tried a little more. Another speaks indistinctly, "porridge in the mouth", and then look, he told the plot of the whole film and never strayed to "uh" and "mnee". The third one is amazing at washing dishes, no one in the family can do it like him. The fourth is clearly a very good friend, it's not for nothing that the phone is torn apart by the endless calls of his friends, so that they are healthy all one hundred and ninety-seven. The fifth is an amazing choice of clothes, he already has a clear style at his young age. The sixth is smart. That's just smart and that's it, and for the manifestations of this, too, you can praise.

In them - any - there is always something good. And the trick is not to praise anything that is horrible and create good luck out of failures, but to look for good luck, find and praise for it. There is no need to praise for a frankly weak drawing. And for a bad mark, too, do not. A person will feel false, and false in this case is the worst thing, because what is needed here is not words, but warmth. The warmth warms up the places where real values lie. Merits, skills, beauty, breakthroughs, luck, overcoming, changes. Let it be small, let it be cheap. But they are. For them and praise.

2. Praise - but not ONLY praise. Nobody is perfect, and at times a wonderful kid (as well as a wonderful man and a unique woman) can bring any enthusiast in love with her head over heels to white heat. When we talk about constant positive reactions to a person, we are talking about the background against which everything else grows. The general background in relation to a growing person (and by a growing person I mean any person, of course) should be light. Basically you're good. I remember all the time about your merits and strengths, I remember myself and remind you. At the same time, you can be a villain ten times in this particular case, and I will be the first to drive you in for this. I will scold for the act, I will be indignant at the behavior - but an hour after that I will praise for the politely pulled up chair.

By the way, a curious touch. The more a person is confident that he is globally good, the easier it is for him to perceive criticism or abuse in each specific place. The less he loves himself and the more convinced he is of his horror, the worse he reacts to any attempts to "fix" him.

3. About success and the desire to strive for them. Of course, this is important, of course, if you fill it with praise alone, nothing will come of it. But. A parent does not love a child for his or her success. Whether enrolled in institute or not enrolled in it, he is equally dear to me. Who knows how to read at the age of four, or who does not know how to distinguish "a" from "I" at seven. The prettiest in the class, or the most awkward of them all. Received on the exam "one hundred" or "zero". I can be angry about this zero, I can yell that I should have learned, and not go to a disco. But at the same time, I love him just as much as I would have loved if I rated him "one hundred." I love him always and anyone, he should not achieve my love with ANYTHING. He achieved my love by what exists in the world. It's all. And he needs to know it every day.

We are talking again about the background. His successes can be the reason for my pride and joy, his successes are needed first of all for himself, his successes are an important part of our common life, and failures are a reason to get upset, both for him and me, and draw conclusions - for him and me. If, at the same time, the general background of our life every day shows him that my love does not depend on anything, I will have a wonderful opportunity to swear a lot for a skip school day. Because only a loving person has the right to scold. The rest have something.

And the last thing. Why am I here, in front of everyone, waving the "praise" flag and not hanging the "scold" poster - although both are sometimes necessary.

Very simple. Because, as a rule, we do not forget to scold.