The Beautiful Cry Too

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The beautiful ones also cry.

I want to talk about women whom nature and family have endowed with an outstanding appearance. It happens that you look at her and understand that according to the canons of beauty she does not pass in any way, but there is something in her that attracts like a magnet, you just want to look at her and look … There is some kind of fatal magic in her appearance, or, as it is now customary to say charisma. Some kind of magic emanates from such women, girls, her image bewitches both men and women … And I want to get closer and understand who she is, why has nature endowed her with beauty and attractiveness? As one of my friends said, she is beautiful. You want to come up to such people and bury your nose in order to smell her, as if in a satin pink pillow stuffed with rose petals.

Of the famous public beauties, I can name Angelina Jolie, who can hardly be called beautiful, but unusual, alien, unearthly, she can rightfully be called. These women will be discussed in my article. I must say right away that I do not consider myself a beauties and have never thought of myself in such a way. Moreover, even as a teenager, I suspected that something was wrong with my appearance, then I was ugly and that there was no place for me among the company of beautiful girls classmates. And my mother never praised my appearance, but on the contrary criticized me. As I later found out her motivation: So that my daughter does not become arrogant. Well, okay, so I accepted that I had no right to exist among the beauties of my friends and went into a process of prolonged suffering about: I am an ugly, turning into adolescent dysmorphophobia.

So, I believed in my bodily deformity. And therefore, for me, a complete shock was the boycott of the female half of the class after one of the boys "surrounded" a school flower bed of tulips and all this wealth of flora turned out to be under the doors of my apartment. How did you know? We then lived in the Zaporozhye region in a small village where news spreads at the speed of sound. I just didn't understand anything. But when I came to the class, it became clear that I somehow did not please the female half of the class. They were silent and did not answer my questions. Boycott by silence. I was shocked! I was saved by the fact that half of the class consisted of boys and just at that moment they surrounded me with their care and took under protection. This infuriated the girls even more and they began to do little mischief to me, without breaking a month-long vow of silence.

I somehow survived it. Not without failure in adolescent depression, but overcame and went on to live … But a similar situation was repeated at the University … Then again and again …

In the groups where I studied psychology, there was always one woman or girl who "shot to kill" and the target, for some reason, was me. I was perplexed. Why doesn't she like me so much, what's wrong with me? And she tried to clarify the essence of her contempt for me: “Tell me, what did I do wrong? I even want to talk to you. Get out of here. You piss me off."

Yes, there were loyal friends.. And I appreciated the fact that they were next to me and supported me.. And I, like a madman, rushed towards this female friendship, because I was immensely grateful to my friend who did not boycott me, did not devalue me, did not criticize me, but she was just friends with me … And I still consider such women in my life to be angels sent to me from above to help me. Not all women have done this in my life. But those who suddenly unmotivatedly showed hatred towards me, they brought me into panic and horror … I began to be afraid of women. Or even if they had some motive, I didn't think their intensity of hatred for me matched the incentive.

A little later, I learned resilience and learned how to stop female aggression. But until recently, I was afraid to admit to myself that what I suffered so much in my life was female envy. Why was she afraid? Because if I admit it, then I have to admit that I am beautiful, but I did not think so … But the good thing is the hatred and envy of women led me to a useful thought that perhaps something in my appearance is not so good and women do not like it … I did not receive any signals of hatred and unmotivated aggression from men at all. Rather, they were friends with me, loved me, or simply respected me..

Later I received my education as a psychologist and as a professional I began to scientifically substantiate some of the aggressiveness of women towards themselves. I began to look and how do I provoke them to sudden and as it seemed to me unmotivated hatred? After all, as a psychologist, I understood that two are responsible for the contact. What happens in the field is divided into two. And I began to ask myself, what is my half of the responsibility for the fact that most likely, as I assumed, I cause female envy? How do I do this, I asked myself?

I began to ask my friends, acquaintances, men, my therapist. How? Why is this happening to me? How can I stop this? What do I need to change in myself in order to make friends with the whole world of women?

A little later, I realized that the complex of the Almighty God needs to be put aside: not everything depends on me. Something also depends on the willingness of the other side, the other woman. But what on my part can I do so as not to provoke excessive envy on the part of women?

Friends and my therapist helped me figure it out … The answer came. As soon as I try to look flawless: dressing with a needle, make-up, high-heeled shoes "a la elegant", I emphasize what infuriates some women, as if pushing out what and as a red rag for them. And also this red blouse with red lipstick.

I thought … Do I really need to become a gray mouse so that the bullets of female envy flew past me? Do you need something, not to put on makeup, dress grayish, etc.. Hide yourself ?.

Nooo! I don't want to hide myself! cried my whole being.

But an inner voice answered me - pay for your desire to be yourself. Take responsibility for your desire to be bright, to be yourself, to be in the public eye and pay for it with the received bullets of hatred from the female part of the environment.

The choice was difficult. I accused myself of narcissism: You do not hide, but stick out your natural beauty, then you are a terry narcissist, I said to myself, scolding myself. But one day the sun came out from behind my window from behind the clouds and warmed my face with warm rays of joy … I realized that I cannot be responsible for the reaction of envy of other women, I cannot change anything here. And if they choose to be jealous and "shoot me with bullets of hatred" - that is their choice. And I just need to be myself. Just accept that there is still that part of women in my life who loves me and is friends with me … Apparently, they value something else in me, and not my bodily shell. And that I can finally take responsibility for my body upon myself, for my face and appearance, which my parents and my family gave me … And when I take responsibility for all this wealth, I am ready to face someone else's envy and hatred … In the end … you are responsible for your feelings and actions.

But one day I asked myself: did you envy anyone yourself? Yes! This honest answer helped me accept the pain of other women and forgive them for the suffering in my life that I went through because of female envy.

We're not perfect! And I also value the beauty of the soul more … This is an immeasurably greater gift of God than a beautiful body.

Have you ever asked yourself this question? Were you able to honestly admit to yourself, did you envy someone?