Ocean Of Love: Strong People Don't Cry

Video: Ocean Of Love: Strong People Don't Cry

Video: Ocean Of Love: Strong People Don't Cry
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Ocean Of Love: Strong People Don't Cry
Ocean Of Love: Strong People Don't Cry
Anonim

I once watched a movie in which a woman found out that she had cancer. She had two young daughters, and she wrote a list of things to do six months before her death. The first point: "Tell the girls that I love them." It seems she never did it …

Natalia Polunina is a wonderful child psychologist. At one time, she attended my seminars and courses devoted to working with trauma, but personally for herself she decided not to practice this topic, because it is too difficult for her. And now Natasha called me and excitedly asked to see her colleague-teacher with her little niece. Natasha cried when describing the case - which is not typical for a professional psychologist:

- Can you imagine, the child's father crashed. And after a year and a half, my mother died! For pancreatic cancer. Our Ira's cousin…. The girl, Olya, is ten years old. Lives in Yaroslavl with his maternal grandparents. Ira wants to take her to her place. The mother's cousin is also ready to take the child. Where a child lives is not a question. My brother lives in Yaroslavl, my aunt lives in Moscow.

-Do not bellow, Natasha, on the case come on.

- I cry because I feel sorry for the girl. Irka is all worn out! We don't even know how to help her: one thing is a client, another is a friend. You see, some terrible things happen to the girl. She has the keys to her parents' apartment. She brings her friends there. And a couple of times there were attempts at demonstrative suicide. At first she wanted to throw herself from the balcony, then she tried to stab herself with a knife in front of her friends. The girls are shaking, their parents too! Nana, I beg you, I ask on my own behalf, do something! Olya will be brought to you at any time of the day or night, just tell me.

- Has anyone already worked with the child?

- Seems to be yes. Local psychologists, but something went wrong there. After that these attempts of suicide happened … If you don't know how, don't go! How many times can you repeat it ?! This is such a difficult topic!

-Let them bring a girl at the weekend so that I have more time and no one distracts us. I will work, but only if she makes contact. You yourself understand that anything can happen. In which case, she will have to stay in Moscow.

And here they are with me. Irina and little Olya are a thin, fragile, very pale girl. Both awkwardly froze on the threshold - Irina has a look that I recognize from a thousand. The guilty glance of an adult, when he punishes himself for not being able to help a child in any way, is not able to protect him. And at the same time there is so much hope that I can do it …

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Previously, by phone, we agreed with Irina that she would leave the girl for me, and when we finish, I will call her and she will take Olya away.

- I live nearby, everything is fine …

I know she's not going anywhere. She will sit in the car, worry about her little niece and pray that the session will benefit her.

- Ol, do you know why you are here?

- Yes. Because everyone is afraid for me. And they also think that I can do something with myself.

An unusually adult, wise look. I recognize him too - such children grow up quickly.

- Let's talk about you. Just about you. Where do you live, who do you live with. You will tell me what you want. If you don't want to, we won't talk …

- Can you help me? What can you do? Can you give my mom back? Can you make sure that there was no accident when dad crashed? Mom didn't want him to work in a taxi. Dad had another job, but they paid little, so he went to taxi. What do you think, if mom had made him leave, everything would have been different now?

- …

- Do you know what's scary? Only three months have passed. I forget what mom looks like. I close my eyes and stop seeing her.

- What are you forgetting?

“I… I forget what her eyes are, what her hands are, what her hair is… I'm afraid to forget her.

- What do you remember, Ol?

- I remember myself as a little girl. In the crib. I remember how they laughed. I remember how my mother fed me … I dive there all the time, into this crib. But I don't remember what my mother looked like, what my father looked like. I remember this happiness in myself. I also have another happiness: how we all went by car to the sea. You can dive there too. But it hurts there, because I know that there is not much time left, and soon dad will be gone, and then mom …

- Do you remember what mom liked to do?

- She loved to dye her hair. Do you know how many hair dyes she had? Sometimes I came home from school and didn’t know what color my mother’s hair would be.

- Did you like it?

- I don’t know, but I remember. I remember my mother's girlfriends. I remember her hands, not what they were, but how they touched me. I don’t want to remember anything else. I don’t want to remember how she was silent when dad passed away. How she cried …

- Olya, are you crying?

- Uncle Yura said that strong people don't cry. I shouldn't cry so that Uncle Yura and Aunt Ira would not be hurt. And grandparents. Mom is their daughter, they lost a child. In the morning, when I wake up, I see how red their eyes are. Sometimes from my room I hear them crying at night. But you can't cry …

- Cry Ol if you want. I'm not afraid of your tears. Strong people cry, girl.

We talked with her about the most terrible picture that Olya remembered. When my mother was taken away, she had only one sock on her leg, the second had fallen off somewhere. And the girl wanted to catch up, take off the remaining sock, so that it was beautiful and the same. And give mom a handbag, because you can't leave the house without a handbag, there are keys in the same place …

- Was mom alive when she was taken away?

- No longer.

- Where is this bag with keys now, Ol?

- I wanted to put her mother … well, there … in the coffin. But then she changed her mind. I have it.

Olya said that she would very much like her mother to know how much she loves her. After all, they never talked about it, especially when Olya became big and started going to school. Because the family had difficulties with money, mom and dad were fighting all the time, dad changed jobs.

- Ol, how is it at school?

- I rarely go there.

- Are you sick - or don't you want to?

“I’m sick and don’t want to.”

- What's wrong?

- You know, as if I'm so big, I come to them - they are small. And they look at me … They look differently. You know, this makes me ashamed. I do not know how to explain it.

- Ashamed, as if you did something, or ashamed, as if you were naked? Maybe embarrassing?

- Yes, yes, it's a shame, as if I'm naked! And embarrassing too.

- We can talk with you about what happened in the apartment …?

- Yes, I will. Sometimes the pain inside is so strong, I miss it so much that I want to see my mother. I really, really want to. I'm scared. And I want someone to know how much I love her …

- For this you needed a number of girlfriends? So that they know that you are ready to die for your mother, and that they save you?

- I dont know. I feel that you are right. I understand now. And I thought I was going crazy.

- Ol, your mom would not want you to suffer. And least of all - this is such a proof of your love for her.

- I'm angry with my mother! She didn't tell me she was dying. I didn't say goodbye to her. I didn't have time to tell her that I love her. She left me! I'm small, I can't cope, I don't know … I have to be strong, but I can't. I can't talk to anyone about this. Everyone is afraid to talk about it, they try to cheer me up, they buy gifts. I dont need it. I pretend to like it to calm them down.

-If you are angry, you have to do something - stomp, knock, shout - to vent your anger.

- To mom?

- No. Not Mom. Be angry with the disease. Be angry with the injustice, but not with your mother.

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- Ol, do you visit your mother in the cemetery?

- Yes, but nobody knows about it. A tram goes there - this is the final stop. I go out, I still have to walk, and come to my mother. I take her purse with me.

- What do grandparents think? Where are you?

- They think I'm on a prolongation or that I went to a friend.

- It's good that you visit your mother. But you know, it would be better if one of the adults accompanied you. Do you mind if I ask your aunt to tell your grandparents? They won't bother you.

“Do you think she didn’t do it and that’s why she died?” I heard her friends say so. Mom drank after dad's death. Is this a way out?

- This is her way out, Ol. Not yours, remember! Do you know mom's diagnosis?

- Crayfish?

-Pancreas cancer. If you want, I will explain to you what it is …

- Yes I want to.

- Ol, tell me please, here Aunt Ira and Uncle Yura want to take you to them. Would you like to live in Moscow with your aunt, her husband and daughter Nastya? Or maybe you would like to live with your uncle, his wife and two sons?

-They are cool, very good! Both Aunt Ira and Uncle Yura. You know, what Nastya is kind, funny … She is in the tenth grade and is engaged in ballet. Just don't tell Aunt Ira: can you imagine what they are doing with their girlfriends? They go to the mall, try on clothes and take pictures of each other in the booth. Until they are kicked out.

- And they drag you with them?

- Yeah, I'm standing on the watch or taking pictures of them. Do you see the jacket on me? Beautiful. This is Nastina - she wears things carelessly. See the pellets? I rip them off all the time.

- Yes, I see there are many of them behind. Let me help you. And what about Uncle Yura? I realized that Aunt Ira has a close friend of yours - Nastya. And what about Uncle Yura's family?

- He has a very good wife. It's so calm with her. And next to her I want to cry all the time, because I remember my mother. But she takes pity on me and does not allow me to do anything. He does not treat me strictly, but with me it is necessary to be strict! I have to learn and grow. Mom told me so.

- Then why oh why can you move to Irina with Nastya?

-I thought about that. That would be great.

- But…?

- You see, I want Nastya to have a mother. I don't want to take her mother away from her.

- Explain.

- If I move to Moscow, then Aunt Ira will devote all her attention to me to help. And Nastya, although big, needs an eye and an eye for her. And in general, any girl needs a mother … I will live with my grandparents. It's good with them. My grandfather taught me how to play chess, and my grandmother and I cook. And, you know what: I will change schools.

- To start from scratch, right? And so they don't feel sorry for you?

- Yes.

- But you have friends there?

- In my school everyone will know that I am an orphan. This is such a terrible word!

- Olya, remember, you are not an orphan. You have a mom, you have a dad, you have memories of them, you have a home and you have relatives. Never think of yourself that way.

- Okay, I won't think so anymore. I feel better. It's good that we talked. You know, I want to tell you something, just in confidence. That's when I wanted to do it … It seemed to me that my mother was standing next to me. It was she who held me back so that I would not rush down from the balcony. Knocked the knife out of my hand so I wouldn't kill myself. And one more thing: do not think that I am crazy, but it seems to me that she led me to you. And I feel like she's here.

"Is she okay, Ol?"

- Yes. You have calmed her down.

- Do you need us to meet again? I'm ready to come tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. I can ask Aunt Ira to leave you here as long as you want. You will go to school in Moscow for a while.

- No, I'll go home tomorrow. I have a house. I will go to my grandfather and grandmother. Call your aunt Ira. She said she would go to her place, but I know that she is here.

- Olya, you are now my client, do you know what it is?

- Sounds like in a movie about a lawyer, I watched with my mother. To be honest, I don’t know, but I’m very good with you. You tell me the truth and explain everything, I am no longer afraid. I'm sad. I'm sorry for mom, dad too …

- I now have to take care of you, this is my job. And you, do not hesitate, you can call me at any time. Now I will enter your phone number into my mobile phone and ask you to do the same. If you need to talk about something, write me an SMS, I will call you back immediately. I'll make an agreement with your family. Good?

- I'm a client! I will not forget you, even if I don’t need to call. You cannot be interrupted from work, you must help people, suddenly whoever needs it more. You have a very good job. Kind.

- I won't forget you either. You are one of the strongest girls I've ever seen!

- Even if you shed a sea of tears on your shoulder? The dress is all wet, it needs to be washed or dry-cleaned!

- This is not a sea of tears, but an ocean of love, child! The dress is dry, it's okay.

- What is more: sea or ocean?

- You have a beautiful office, I can touch everything here to remember and sometimes dive into it.

- I allow you to touch everything, you can climb into the closets, sit in my chair, do whatever you like.

When Irina came in ten minutes later, we looked out the window and tried to guess the color of my car, covered with a thick layer of mud from rain and snow. And Olya funny told how her aunt's little car looked next to her uncle's huge jeep.

Seeing my niece, vividly and cheerfully discussing something with me, my aunt could not resist and sobbed:

- Baby, you're alive !! My God, she was pale, it was scary to look at you.

- Cry, aunts. You can cry …

With Olya, we had the only consultation - which is very rare in dealing with such an injury. There was no SMS from her, but she is my client, and I continued to ask through Natalia and Irina how she was doing. The girl made the final decision to live with her grandparents. Moved to another school. Studying smoothly. Friends have appeared in the new school. He often visits his uncle and aunt, communicates affectionately with his cousins and sister. She has many secrets in common with Nastya.

I couldn't wear that dress anymore …

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