2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
About a month ago, I happened to visit a private medical facility. When I had already completed my business, I decided to sit for a while in the main hall, where the reception is located and, accordingly, there are a lot of incoming and outgoing visitors.
At some point, I heard a loud crying of children. After the injection, I thought. A couple of moments later, a mother came out into the foyer with a little girl (apparently no more than 1, 5-2 years old) with a handle raised up and holding a fleece at her finger.
The child cried bitterly and was very sorry for the girl.
Mom was calm and, not paying attention to the tears, began to dress the child. The girl kept holding out her hand to her mother and her crying did not stop. No, my mother did not scold her, did not shout at her, as if nothing was happening, but you could hear: "Okay, calm down, don't cry."
However, the magic mantra did not help, since the child did not want to calm down, but, on the contrary, tried to draw attention to the fact that he was in pain.
An elderly woman sitting nearby, with a smile on her face, was lecturing the girl, “So big and crying”, joined the situation. Did not help.
All that was available to the girl at that moment was her crying and an attempt to draw attention to herself, saying through her tears: "Mom!"
Mom is the first word
The main word in every destiny.
The physical pain subsided and the girl, after unsuccessful attempts to get consolation, began to calm down, only occasionally still sobbing. And at some point, the mother and the child left the clinic.
A short situation, but it was pretty illustrative for me. I must say, I often see the same scenario. Crying child, indifferent parents trying to calm down the child with a call or even an order to stop crying, or even angry with the child for his tears.
Probably, many of us have something to remember …
What does the parent of a small child ultimately teach?
- No pain.
- If you still hurt, then there is still no pain.
- Weakness should not be shown.
- Your grief doesn't matter.
- You can't cry.
- Crying is bad, and you make me angry with your cry. Don't make me angry and don't cry.
- I don't care that you cry and you feel bad.
- Keep your pain to yourself. Don't you dare show it to me.
- Cope as you know.
- I will not come to your aid when you are in pain.
- You can't show that you feel bad.
- Suppress your crying and your pain.
Remember, did you have to experience such feelings, did you have to think so about your pain when it gets bad? Finally, are you broadcasting this to your child?
What could be an adequate response?
- Recognize the pain and tell the child that this pain is noticeable and it is.
- To enable the child to feel his pain and live the moment.
- Be close to the child. Hug him. Let him feel parental warmth, sincere and warmth of an embrace.
- Say that you feel sorry for him and you understand how much he hurts.
- Allow the child to cry. Don't blame him for crying.
- Explain that crying when it hurts is normal and that all people, big and small, can cry from time to time.
This will support and shape mental health for the future adult personality.
If it is difficult for you to provide such support and you feel tension, anger towards a crying child, then this is a reason for contacting a psychologist.
Remember that your reactions, words and feelings are the foundation from which your child will grow.
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