The Power Of Powerlessness And Inner Support

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In one of the ancient Greek tragedies, a certain king does something terrible at the will of the cruel gods. Realizing the horror of the deed and realizing that it is impossible to change it, the tsar in despair gouges out his eyes and the blind and helpless wanders. “Oh bitter rock,” the chorus exclaims, “nothing can be changed” …

I would like to write today about powerlessness, about the impossibility of changing what has been done or what has happened. The king, according to myth, is wise and accustomed to command, finds himself in a situation where his act is terrible and where it is impossible to fix it. He may experience anger, grief, pain, shame, guilt, and inability to influence reality. The only thing he could think of was to turn his anger on himself, punish himself and deprive himself of the opportunity to see the consequences.

Sometimes we have to get into a story of powerlessness, from the bus rolling right out of our noses to losses that cannot be canceled. And if the next bus comes or you have to stomp on foot, then there are losses that need to be taken as they are. Kubler-Ross distinguishes five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. A person who has experienced grief may at first refuse to believe in what happened, then get angry at something that influenced what happened, mourns the loss and finally accepts it and moves on through life without experiencing such a high level of grief.

As a rule, the reason for living like this is tragic news, loss of loved ones, acute shock. And it happens that a person experiences such powerlessness from events that do not sound so tragic. And this also has the right to exist and understand. The bus that left will arrive later, the child with a cold will recover, instead of the lost earring, you can buy another, find a new job. People are able to recover and gain new strength, like a trampled lawn overgrown with grass.

What makes a person feel the shock of powerlessness where you can cope and find a way out? There are people who are capable of falling into powerlessness from what can really be fixed. One of the reasons may come from childhood. A small child cannot protect himself from moral and physical violence, he is accustomed to hide and wait until the danger has passed. Growing up, he is very likely to behave the same way. A familiar defense mechanism, tested and made automatic. And then psychotherapy can help change the defense mechanism to a new one that suits reality. For example, a woman tolerates the antics of a brawler man, she is silent and shrinks. At the moment of his scream, she is not thirty, but six years old, and she seems to be living again the moment where her mother pulls her hair and screams. Such a woman cannot come up with options for protection, because she "failed" at the age of six and there is no way to answer her mother. Powerlessness prevents her from thinking.

The experience of this state is painful. And the person will avoid it consciously and unconsciously. For example, build your outer ideal shell: achievements, awards, successes, career, fame, money, new and new love relationships. The personality, as it were, creates its own artificial grandeur. "The genius of all times and peoples" "The best in the world" … Protection against all possible options, where a person can fall into powerlessness and insignificance. But it is impossible to foresee everything. There are situations where a person is powerless. The defenses do not work and then the grandeur collapses and the person again falls into insignificance and powerlessness. The immensity and powerlessness are like two scales, when one flies up, the second falls down.

But there is still a certain golden mean - an internal support, a part of the personality that does not change so that it does not happen. This is a kind of inner awareness of oneself as a living person, capable of both being strong and weak, losing and winning, living joy without grandeur and living powerlessness without destroying oneself. The belief that time will help you gradually accept what can no longer be fixed, and time will help build something new where it is possible. A kind of humility, that I am not grand, but also cannot fall into insignificance. There is a lot of harmony in this, an awareness of your talents and strengths.

This support can come from childhood. And you can also find such support in yourself in the process of psychotherapy. It is a slow process of exploring and accepting oneself, covering up old painful topics and looking for new perspectives for stories. Who wants to go this way with me, write to contacts.