2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From time to time clients turn to me for a miracle cure to get rid of suffering after parting with loved ones.
They can be understood, because sometimes it is so unbearable that you want to die, just not to experience such mental pain. At such a moment, deeply wounded people begin to understand drug addicts who are ready to do anything for another dose, people who decide to love spells (those who believe in it) or other crazy actions. They fall asleep and wake up in this pain, if they manage to get some sleep, of course, and even in sleep they lose, lose and lose. Their life calendar is divided into "before" and "after".
And it is not surprising that they grab, like the last straw, at the idea of quickly ending this pain with the help of a psychologist. Find someone who, for example, owns hypnosis and beg him to erase the image of his beloved from his memory. Or someone who knows a set of effective exercises for managing emotions, so that you can turn off painful ones and turn on positive ones at will. Disappointed in the absence of magic fast-acting remedies, a person rushes from specialist to specialist, making an unflattering conclusion about psychologists and psychological practice in general.
I have two news on this topic:
1) the pain of grief will definitely go away if you do not get stuck in the stages of mourning; the psychologist is not a magician, but he will help them to pass them competently and will support them on this difficult path;
2) until it passes, it will hurt to one degree or another, and the severity of suffering is not linear, this means that at some moments it will become easier, and then again it will hurt more.
The psychologist will explain the ineffectiveness of common exit strategies, for example:
- the famous strategy "wedge by wedge", in which they try to switch to another / another, often the first comer; in the short term, it may even work, but after a while, problems carried over from past relationships will manifest themselves with renewed vigor;
- escape from reality in various ways (alcohol and other means that change the state of consciousness, workaholism, video games, etc.);
- persecution of a departed partner (with the aim of proving, returning, and even intimidating);
- making rash, fateful decisions (departure to a hot spot, various risks, a radical change of place of residence or work, marriage with the first comer, etc.);
The specialist will help you through all the stages of loss, the signs of which can alternate even during the day, but in general they are more pronounced in periods extended in time:
- denial (when you can't believe what happened);
- anger (towards yourself, towards others);
- bidding (hope to return everything and fix it);
- depression (loss of hope);
- acceptance (gradual return to a fulfilling life).
It's time not to run away and not to chase, but to cry, get angry, LIVE what is happening. Some part of a person really dies, and if you work on yourself in the right direction, another, healthier and stronger one will be born. This period can become very resourceful, give new experience and make a person much more mature and stronger.
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