Exit From The Karpman Triangle. How To Stop Suffering And Start Living

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Video: Exit From The Karpman Triangle. How To Stop Suffering And Start Living

Video: Exit From The Karpman Triangle. How To Stop Suffering And Start Living
Video: Треугольник Карпмана ☢ Токсичные отношения ☢ Психология отношений ☢ Психологические игры 2024, March
Exit From The Karpman Triangle. How To Stop Suffering And Start Living
Exit From The Karpman Triangle. How To Stop Suffering And Start Living
Anonim

TOEach of us wants to live better than now. Even those who have everything completely. The human soul wants to develop and move forward, because otherwise there is no sense in existence on planet Earth. Regardless of our desire, the Soul longs for an evolution that brings more happiness than yesterday.

And if you think about it, then a person is given all the opportunities for development. The main thing is to want to learn, to follow the good, looking at those who have already reached a certain level of spiritual evolution.

But instead of accepting such an easy way, we prefer a more complicated one - getting angry, irritated, whining, jealous, hate, blame. Any way, just not to learn.

And yet, among us there are those who confidently move along the path of evolution, listening to their hearts. The theory below is for them.

Evolution of Suffering into Pleasure

The child takes pity on his mother and, instead of realizing his desires, begins to act as a Rescuer. This, of course, seems better than the position of the Victim, and he begins to feel his strength and power “Wow, what am I, I can make my mother's heart hurt or not! I'm cool!" But he loves his mother, and of course, reluctantly with his own heart, chooses to be good and not to upset his mother. As time goes on, he grows, and my mother begins to make claims: "Why are you so dependent ?!" And how and where could he learn to be independent, if all his ideas were chopped off at the root?

Of course, the Parent-Controller-Persecutor does not realize this, he sincerely believes that he always acts in the best interests of the children. It spreads straws, warns of the dangers so that the native child does not hurt himself on the World and does not fill himself with cones. But after all, it is wounds and bumps that give real experience, which can then be used, and mother's (father's) notations give nothing but soreness and the desire to do the opposite.

All teenage riots are from the child's desire to leave the subpersonality of the Victim. Even if the rebellion is "cruel and bloody" with leaving home, breaking up relations - this is still in the direction of life, in the direction of evolution, and not degradation.

There is no point in describing the manipulations of the "-1" triangle in detail - all the low-quality "soap" of television series is about this.

One can only dream of honesty and sincerity in these spaces, because people are mortally afraid to show both their real needs and their actual feelings. There is no question of responsibility for your life. Someone outside is always to blame for unhappiness and negative emotions. The task is to find him and brand him with shame. Then the person feels that he is not guilty, which means that he can still consider himself good.

It is important to understand that the main task in these positions is SELF-CONFIRMATION through "earning" love

Sacrifice - "I am for you!"

Lifeguard - "I am for you!"

Controller - "I am for you!"

… and no one honestly and directly for their own sake …

They all deserve love from each other, asserting themselves on their neighbors

The sadness of the situation is that they will never deserve love, because everyone is fixated on himself and does not see the rest.

The humor of the situation is that all this happens not only in the external world, but also in the internal one. Everyone for himself is both a Controller and a Victim and a Rescuer, and according to the principle of similarity, these figures are displayed in the outer World.

People whose energies revolve in the "-1" triangle (and there is negligible energy there!) Have no chance to leave it until they hear their real desires. What are they?

  • Victimwants to free herself and do what she wants, not what the Controller prescribes.
  • Controllerwants to relax and let everything take its course and finally rest.
  • Rescuer dreams that everyone will somehow figure it out on their own, and there will be no need for him. And he, too, will be able to relax and think about himself.

And all this from the point of view of public morality is terry selfishness. But from the point of view of a specific individual, it leads to specific human happiness. Because happiness is where the realization of YOUR quite tangible needs is.

It could seem, that if the Victim, Controller and Rescuer, instead of fighting in the outside world, begin to turn inward, then this is a more constructive way. This is when it is not external enemies that are accused, but the internal Controller begins to persecute the internal The sacrifice.

“I myself am to blame for everything. I can never make the right decision. I am an irresponsible nonentity, a weakling and a failure!"

The victim may slightly resist, and then fall into depression, because she herself understands that this is the case. Then Rescuerlooks up and says something like:

“Others are even worse! And from Monday I will start a new life, I will do exercises, wash the dishes, stop being late for work, and I will compliment my wife (husband). Everything will work out for me!"

"New life" lasts a couple of days, or weeks, but the energy is not enough, not the implementation of wonderful decisions, and soon everything rolls into the same swamp. A new cycle begins. The Controller is chasing the Victim

"Again, as always, you are weak-willed, irresponsible, worthless …"

Etc. This is the very inner dialogue that all the masters of meditation and other developmental practices motivate us to get rid of.

Yes, all the problems of outer life alwaysare first decided internally. This happens from the moment the decision is made to change the script. The problem of a person who is spinning in the "minus 1 triangle" is that he does not have enough strength to implement useful and radical solutions.

The power (resources) in the "minus 1" triangle are scarce, because it is closed on itself, and does not seek to go out into the outside World (the World is dangerous and scary!). And a specific person has a very depleting supply that is quickly running out. Especially in internal battles between Victim, Controller and Rescuer. They actively fight each other, and it is not surprising that people get sick (the body suffers from these battles), losing energy and dying criminally early. Criminal in the sense that we are conceived for a much longer period. We can live longer and happier if we do not fall into the Triangle of Suffering. He is the real HELL. Not somewhere after death, but here and now. If we choose to be Victims or Save or Control.

Karpman's triangle is a "wounded child", no matter how old he is - 10 or 70. These people may never grow up

Of course, they rush about all their lives in search of a way out, but they rarely find it. To do this, you need to rebel against your established patterns of behavior, allow yourself to be “bad” for others, “soulless and ruthless egoist who lives only for himself” - (quote from the popular accusations of the Controller).

This new way of living (for YOURSELF and not for others) can really destroy relationships with loved ones, create a lot of trouble at work and in an established circle of friends and acquaintances. It can ruin your entire life! So it takes a lot of courage to escape the tedious but predictable security. A person who is really sick of his bleak existence has a chance to find strength in himself. Through fear, guilt, aggression. Having made an SUPER effort, he can move to a new level. Because only there HIS life really begins.

The second triangle, in which there is already much less suffering and more power over the World, is as follows:

HERO - PHILOSOPH (BOTH) - PROVOCATOR

You can enter the second triangle only through polarity, when all three first subpersonalities are transformed into their opposites … Because we remember that the "- 1" triangle on the scale is in "minus". Passing through the point "0", the minus changes its sign to the opposite.

What does the change to a different polarity look like?

Victimtransforms into Hero, Controller -in Philosopher-Blase, but Rescuer - in Provocateur (Motivator).

This is the most difficult thing on the path of evolution - to move abruptly from the "-1st" triangle to the + 1st ", because there are few forces, and inertia pulls back. It's like turning the car in the opposite direction at full speed (after all, life doesn't stop!). In addition, the entire environment is against change. They will cling to the legs and arms, and cause a feeling of guilt in a person, just to prevent him from freeing himself. All psychotherapy is dedicated to this very process: to heal the wounded child who lives inside the personality from the Triangle of Suffering. And this is sometimes a lifelong journey.

In the Outside World, the transition to the next level becomes noticeable by the following signs:

  • a person is no longer led to manipulations, but actualizes (expresses and fulfills) his own desires.
  • From now on, he is not carried away by other people's goals, and he (even if they try to lure him into them actively and consistently, using the buttons of guilt, resentment, fear and pity), every time he asks himself: “Why do I need this? What will I get as a result? What can I learn if I do what is suggested? "
  • And if he does not find HIS benefit from the implementation of the proposed idea, he does not get involved in action.

the main task Hero - study of yourself and the world around you. Emotions that are background for him are interest, excitement, inspiration, pride (if the feat is successful). Chagrin, regret - if not. Boredom if there is a long downtime. The Hero does not fall into a sense of guilt (and if this happens, it is an indicator that he regressed to the previous level and turned into Sacrifice).

I use the term "Hero" here because, in fact, development is a complex act, and yes, it is indeed HEROIC. All the time you need to overcome your yesterday's beliefs, refusing them in order to go further. "Feat" can be in the external World, and in the internal, it does not matter. Its scale does not matter either. Therefore, at first glance, it is not always possible to determine whether the Hero is in front of us or not. But from the second it becomes clear, and the litmus test is the emotions that he experiences in the background and whether he "hangs" in his themes, or moves.

Rest, awareness and acceptance of the result of their actions occurs when the Hero transforms into Philosopher-Blase … This is the polarity of the Controller from the "minus 1" triangle. The Controller prescribes, pursues, monitors the implementation, the Blase Philosopher accepts ALL of the Hero's actions, all of his results.

Moreover, it should be borne in mind that not all exploits of the Hero in the surrounding World will be successful. He, in his irrepressible inspiration, hurts the surrounding World and hurts himself against it, sometimes quite painfully - emotionally and physically. He can "cheat" in the excitement of knowing his capabilities so that his entire habitat will have to creak and rebuild. Therefore, without a philosophical and indifferent attitude to their results - nothing.

The philosopher, being in calmness, slowness, observation from the outside, is sure that everything that happens to him is for the best. Didn't get the result, but got experiencewhich is sometimes more important. Here the attitude towards the Ego is transformed. The understanding comes that the Ego with its desires - "to eat deliciously, sleep well and live in such a way as to cause the envy of others", must be transformed on the path of development. And the fact that this path is thorny and bumpy is normal. The ego can suffer a lot in the process - also normal.

The Blase Philosopher accepts the suffering of his Ego, and this allows him to accept himself. Even if everyone around them says "wow, what have you done?", His acceptance is consistent with the principle:

"If I did it, then I needed it, and it's none of your business."

The indifference can be internal, imperceptible, or it can be paraded and be an additional source of individual pride. This is if there is a lot of protest teenage energy in his Hero. And the presence of demonstrativeness can say a lot about his inner maturity. The more one wants to argue with the World for the sake of the very energy of the dispute, the less mature a person is.

The Mature Hero performs his feats not against someone (mother, boss, government, etc.), but because he himself wants it. His desires may coincide with the desires of society, or they may go against it. Others for him are the less a criterion, the higher he stands on the ladder of evolution

Function Philosopherin this subpersonality - to analyze and draw conclusions. If the Hero does something and fails, the Philosopher analyzes his actions “what is good, what is bad, what to do so that tomorrow would be better? . And if the Hero is still interested in this topic, he can repeat his action, taking into account the conclusions made. Or it may not be repeated if it is not already interesting. It depends on the degree of his stubbornness and on whether the next accomplishment lies on the path that his Soul has outlined. If the necessary experience is learned and comprehended, then you can go further.

The third subpersonality, which is the center of ideas in this triangle, is - Provocateur (Motivator) … (He is the polarity of the Rescuer.)

If the Philosopher-Blase sees the picture as a whole, and, as it were, from above, then the Provocateur is constantly in search of a vector. As if looking for a target in the World. Aims the sight, choosing a suitable object for the Hero's self-expression. And when he finds, he pays close attention to her. He can also be called a Motivator, because he not only encourages the Hero in the style of "Weak?"

The provocateur does not analyze and take into account his capabilities, this is the business of the Philosopher and the Hero himself. Its task is to give direction

This is the most restless subpersonality of all three, because sometimes it does not allow the Hero to focus on one thing and bring his plan to the end. Provocateur has a lot of childish curiosity and excitement, he is very mobile and chaotic. His favorite question is "What happens if …?"

Unlike the "- 1st" triangle, where the Victim can hardly resist the Controller, the Hero has a lot of freedom. He can always refuse the Provocateur's offer, or wait with him. If the personality is mature enough, then the Hero does not rush at the first call. He first answers the question "What will happen if …?" and as far as he can, he models the future situation, considering what difficulties he will have to face along the way. He prepares carefully, and then his actions have a better chance of success. With each successive experience, he moves up the evolutionary ladder.

The provocateur is in a state of scanning the World all the time, he is looking for hitherto unexplored areas, and asks:

“How is it, why haven't we been there yet? It might be interesting there!"

and it's always about expansion, development, and knowledge.

However, it should be understood that development rarely goes both in breadth and in depth at the same time. … Therefore, this stage is not yet an adult, it is an active, healthy teenager.… His task is to go in breadth, studying himself, his capabilities and the World in which he can manifest himself. Moreover, his emphasis is on himself, and for this stage this is completely normal. It's too early to talk about attention to the World (including the people around). But his emotions and general condition have already changed significantly compared to the "minus first" triangles - towards fulfillment and happiness.

Most people on planet Earth, alas, are in the "minus first" triangle

Therefore, Heroes, Provocateurs and Blase are in short supply. And as selfish as they look, it's a much healthier energy. A person who is firmly established in the "plus first" triangle never stops, and his life will always be interesting.

In the body, tension here rhythmically alternates with relaxation, and since there are much less suppressed emotions (ideally, there are almost no at all, everything is immediately actualized), then there is no need to get sick. Yes, there are troubles with the body, but this is more likely from careless handling - trauma, hypothermia, overheating, overwork and other side effects of "feats".

Male and female energies

In the "plus first" triangle, one can trace the manifestation of male and female energies in the subpersonalities. And unlike the "minus one", they are not rigidly assigned to subpersonalities.

In the "minus one" (for comparison), the situation is as follows:

  • Controller, even if it is a wife or mother, it is a masculine (acting, limiting, directing and punishing energy).
  • Victim- (obedience, patience, following instructions) - female, even if it is a husband or son.
  • Rescuercan act in two forms - male, if active actions are performed for the sake of salvation. Or female - if the Rescuer regrets and sympathizes, surrounding him with his attention, but doing nothing else.
  • Heroin the “plus first” triangle, appearing as a man, he performs feats of action: “If I do this, how will the World change, how will I change? What, as a result of my action, can I STILL afford?"

Female hypostasis Hero Is a feat of acceptance. “If I find myself in an unfamiliar space, how can I survive there? Adapt? Get settled? " And the most important question showing how well the process went through: "Will I be able to be happy (happy) in these new circumstances?"

If an individual has both subpersonalities harmoniously developed - anima (the female part of the Soul) and the animus (the male part of the Soul), then he has a chance to GET where he seeks and ACCEPT what will happen both on the way and as a result.

Philosopher-Blase: the female part of the Soul has a task - without guilt, regrets and accusations of oneself, ACCEPT the consequences of their actions, including the change of the World under the influence of the Hero's accomplishments.

And the male part - to analyze mistakes, draw conclusions, "package" the experience so that it is convenient to use it further. So that it becomes a platform for further change and growth.

Male part Provocateur says: "Do it!"

The Provocateur's feminine part says "Feel!" or "Is it hard to feel it?"

If only the male parts of the personality are developed, the individual will always strive somewhere, recklessly climbing from step to step. Without giving yourself the opportunity to "get used to and settle down", to master the conquered space - this is just a woman's function. If only the female parts are actualized, he will lead an active inner life, carefully feeling all its aspects. But there will be no visible movement forward.

However, for a person in the "plus first" triangle, such a path is hardly possible, this is meditation, and his energies are not so balanced as to remain motionless. Given his name, the world is spread out before your feet, you want to go through it, comb it with your feet up and down. No time for meditation!

Why Hero - the opposite of the Sacrifice - and the First step on the ladder of Evolution? It is useful to refer to history and mythology here. Heroes - children of Gods and mortal people. Their path and task is to accomplish feats. Their main goal is to become Gods. And some of them (according to Greek mythology) the Gods raised to Olympus. What does this mean in modern reading?

Man is born and his task is to become God. To do this, he must first become a Hero, that is, the one WHO RESPONSES TO THE CHALLENGES OF FATE. He may be lucky if he is persistent, courageous and attentive. That is, he will demand those qualities that will help him to be flawless enough to achieve the goal. Who always reaches the goal? Who doesn't make mistakes and hits without missing? “He does it like God” - THERE IS SUCH HUMAN saying. Only GOD does not make mistakes and ALWAYS achieves success. That is, the Hero strives to become God, to become like his parents - not people, but GODs - Archetypes. That is, the BEST examples of people.

The transitional stage between the Victim and the Hero is the stage Adventurer … He is much more willing than the Victim to respond to challenges of fate. And he has many signs of a hero - courage, courage, the ability to endure hardships and draw conclusions, so it is very easy to confuse him with a Hero. But there is one essential difference between them.

The Adventurer is counting on luck, the Hero is counting on himself

Therefore, the victory for the Adventurer is a case or the result of a cunning scam, he likes to work less and get more. Take more than give. He strongly believes in luck, which unexpectedly falls on his head and considers it his task to catch it by the tail. He suspects an adequate exchange of energy, but believes that it is for suckers. Or (at a higher level) - for the calculating, honest, accurate, to which he does not rank himself, although he secretly respects and envies.

The adventurer tries to swim in those waters where large fish are found, at the risk of being eaten by them. But he perfectly understands that the main resources are there, and with a certain dexterity, he can get a solid jackpot. Plus, there is always something to learn from large-scale figures.

The female adventurer is a high-flying courtesan who ruins her lovers without caring what she gives them in return.

The life of adventurers is full of adventures, they live in their own world and are not respected by either the Heroes, much less the Winners. Victims do not like them either, but this is more of envy. But the charm of the adventurers is not lacking. It is precisely by speculating with them at this stage that one can hold out all his life, become the prototype of a literary hero (Ostap Bender), and even go down in history as Count Cagliostro. But for internal development, it is better to quickly abandon the philosophy of luck and free cheese and understand that an honest exchange of energy with the environment has not been canceled. And in the end, it is much more reliable.

The people living in the next triangle are mature adults. And these are those who have 90% of the resources, although in the World there are no more than 10% of such people. This is the "+ 2nd" triangle.

Winner-Contemplator-Strategist

The hero from the "+ 1" triangle transforms into a Winner, a Philosopher-Blasep into a Contemplator, a Provocateur into a Strategist.

feels joy from the fact that there is such a wonderful entertainment - to think over an interesting project, self-satisfaction (when he comes up with it). Joy, pleasure, inspiration are his basic emotions.

In the "plus second" triangle, a person creates from generosity, there is no place for lack and economy, and the resulting fear. In the environment where the Winners live, the world is beautiful, but not stopped. It develops, and the Winner's task is to be an active developing factor

Have Winner usually several directions of implementation:

"A talented person is talented in everything"

- it's about him.

But this does not happen because the Winner does not want to put eggs in one basket (this is the philosophy of the Hero with the remnants of fear of the Controller from the "-1" triangle).

There are enough eggs in the worlds of the Winners and there will always be enough eggs, they grow on trees and roll underfoot in the Garden of Eden. The desire to create is from the desire to play. This is the fostered and cherished desire of the Child who came to the World to become God for his World.

He does not need to criticize and condemn himself. He has already studied himself and the surrounding space. He knows him as a child knows his set of blocks. He comes up with what to build from them and creates new structures out of the enthusiasm "What else can be done here?" Rejoices in the process and admires the results.

The male hypostasis of the Winner is the action and creation of the New

The female hypostasis is the same, but in the inner world. The female winner (not necessarily female!) Is the Wizard, the Magician. He does not need to act in the external world, he creates New in the internal, and it materializes. How and why? Much has been written about this, but this can only be understood in practice, and only at the level of the Winners. For them the formula

"In order to get something, it is enough for me to WANT"

not at all magical, it is quite household. This is how they live.

The winner enjoys the creative process both internally and externally. The enjoyment of life, the movement of energy, the wonderful fact that a person is truly the Center and Creator of his World is the main pathos of this level.

By the way, the Winner is not necessarily an oligarch. He can be quite modest in everyday life.… The point is not at all the amount of resources, but in the true understanding that they are ALWAYS ENOUGH. If something is needed, it materializes - the necessary chains of events are lined up, the right people arise themselves and offer help. From the outside it looks mystical, inside their lives the Winners treat this as a normal, ordinary phenomenon.

Contemplator- female subpersonality. She accepts the World, is fertilized by it and gives birth to ideas.

Strategist- male subpersonality. He directs, develops a plan, indicates where to get the necessary resources.

At this level, tension is dosed and regulated instinctively. There is no need to be sick if a particular individual corresponds to the archetype completely, that is, there are no unworked themes from the past.

In reality, of course, this is not always the case. A successful and fulfilled person in creativity or business can "sag" in a relationship, or vice versa.

For example, the Winner may fall in love with the “unsuitable” woman, and if not everything is in balance with the relationship, then instinct will let him down - this woman will be the Victim. He can begin to "save" and "educate" her, trying to pull her up to his level. And … it automatically falls into the "-1st triangle", where yesterday's Victim begins to "build" it, actively demanding further signs of attention to itself. If he accepts this (because then "Lubof-f !!!"), then he himself turns into a Victim, and yesterday's Victim - into a Persecutor-Controller. This is what the people call "Sit on your head and hang your legs."

Another example from the life of a Winner who did not work out his hungry childhood. Having gained access to huge resources (becoming, for example, the president of the country), he will begin to “row for himself,” suppressed fear does not allow him to stop in this process and start working for the good of society. Such a plot, of course, ends sadly. Sooner or later, the pyramid, which is being dug from one edge, collapses. The Winner becomes the Victim, forced to shamefully flee the country, and the people who were in the position of the Victim becomes the Persecutor.

The most important question is “How is the Hero different from the Winner? How can you go to the next - such a longed-for for many, level? "

The hero is busy with himself - their adventures and their reactions. The world for him is a horizontal bar, on which he studies his capabilities and pumps up weak functions. The hero is fixated on himself, although outwardly he may look like benevolent and loving. But he is a cocoon from which he will be ready to come out realized beingwhen ready for it. Of course, he can prepare all his life and, in the end, never be born. Or it can be born and bring to the World a new theory explaining how everything works here; or a new way of communication; or a well-functioning power generation system, or something else.

What is this - a Realized Being? This is the essence that CREATES, creates the World. The main difference between the Winner and the Hero is Creation, a change in the World

Not out of desire:

- to rescue, - boast of, - get rich, - have fun, - entertain others (and get their attention) …

… from the desire to Create. That is, to do what was not done before. This is the quality of God manifested in man. Do to Do. Feedback from people is not particularly interesting.

You can give it, but you can keep silent. The winner does something to materialize his energy, not to be admired by others. Admiration-approval - the Hero needs feedback. The winner himself knows that what he has done is good. Because he cannot do badly. His female subpersonality is in total acceptance - “everything that happens is good” and criticism of other people cannot shake it.

At the level of the Winner, the female and male subpersonalities (anima and animus) are in the Sacred Marriage. The Inner Woman relies on the actions of the Man, admires them. The Inner Man feeds on the admiration of the Inner Woman. And even if the whole World is against, he totally approves of himself and may sincerely ignore the condemnation of others (in contrast to the Hero and the Blase Philosopher, in which there is a large share of demonstrativeness: “you don’t love me, but I don’t care!”)

The winner in this sense is closed by myself, and is so autonomous that it is able to support itself.

And, of course, according to the principle of similarity, those men and women in the Outside World are attracted to the Winners who reflect their animus or anima. Therefore, the relationship in the "plus second" triangle is much happier than others. And not at all because they “buy love”, as it seems to those who look from below from the Sacrifice or even from the Hero. Their personal mirror reflects what is - HAPPINESS in acceptance and fulfillment.

A woman in a Winner's condition can claim any man. The winner will see her in it, and the Hero will be flattered. The victim, so she generally faints with happiness.

A man in the state of a Winner can also approach every woman of this World, and it is difficult for him to refuse. The instinct in this phase is so developed that one does not want to approach those with whom it will be bad. Therefore - every shot is on target. And this is not about hunting and trophies.

  • Winner and Winner - The King and Queen, in whose state everything is in order. The people prosper, the economy flourishes, and there is always room for heroism for Heroes. And if they have all the topics worked out, then they both do not move down from their personal Olympus.
  • Winner-Hero - the pair is less persistent. The winner will always look at the Hero with a certain rating. The hero will perform feats (because this is his stage, it must be completed!) In honor of his beloved half. But a feat for that and a feat that can end in failure. And the Hero will fly head over heels from Olympus. Or the Winner will take a step down and begin to walk his female path of the Hero, ACCEPTING the failure of his chosen one.
  • Winner-Victim - the pair is not viable. If the Winner is a man, and the Victim is a woman, then this is the ahetype of the slave who was taken to the mansion for beauty. Her task is to go through the female Path of the Hero, accepting EVERYTHING in her Winner, including his betrayal, rudeness, aggression and other currents of his emotional states. If at some point she “catches a star”, feeling her power, she can begin to “build” her man and make him a “sad face” or an open scandal, signaling that she does not have enough attention, a mink coat, a trip to a resort, sex or guarantees. He can endure for a while until his feelings cool down. Then the couple breaks up.

The script beloved by the TV series will not work. Alas! Two nearby levels can still agree, but it is difficult to jump over the level. Almost impossible. You need to have too good karma (Sacrifice), or too bad (Winner), to equalize and continue to be happy.

By the way! We mean that in our earthly conditions, the equation occurs most often due to a stronger … That is, it becomes less powerful, and not vice versa. Gravity also works in spiritual processes, so it's easier to slide down than up. The second question is that the stronger in the pair (the Winner or the Hero) will still come to their senses sooner or later and will learn from their falls much sooner than their partner-Victim will.

It is interesting from this point of view to analyze the tale of Cinderella. She is so attractive to Victims because they see her as a hope for themselves. From a servant to a princess. Cool!

In fact, they misunderstand the tale, because Cinderella was not a Victim at all. She walked her female version of the Path of the Hero, fulfilling all the orders of her stepmother, responsibly and most importantly - meekly. For her, her stepmother was not a Persecutor-Controller, but a Provocateur, motivating her to learn and acquire new qualities. When the Path was completed (Cinderella passed the tests, gained the necessary experience), assistants (fairy godmother) appeared, who helped her move to the Winner level and become a princess. The fairy also acted as a Provocateur, suggesting that she break the order established by her stepmother, and Cinderella agreed to take the risk (male heroism is an act).

If Cinderella were really the Victim, then instead of quickly and efficiently completing tasks, she would spend a huge amount of energy on resistance, discontent and complaints, and the Rescuer would come to her aid (for example, the same fairy or the prince himself) … The rescuer always demands a reward and transforms into a Controller. The fairy could make Cinderella "serve" her out of gratitude and would turn into the same stepmother. And the prince would put her in a golden cage. And it would be a completely different tale …

Winner Woman and Victim Man - all the same. But in society, they are less tolerant of this, and the man is called gigolo. If a man is a Hero who achieves the love of his lady (Winner), then this is a knight who performs feats. And this is a completely different matter, this archetype is approved by society, and rightly so. He can even become a Winner against the background of his achievements and in the rays of her love. Such cases are known.

In paired relationships, the law is inexorable: in the "-1st triangle" - suffering. In the top two - different, but HAPPINESS. If a character from the lower triangle appears in a pair, this is the path of conflict. It is clear that the characters in the play need conflict, this is their Path of the Hero. If the Winner meets a slave and falls in love with her, and then she begins to be mischievous:

"Why didn't you knock out the carpet or why you stayed late at work"

then he has a great temptation either to start accepting it (the female Path of the Hero), or to get rid of her like an annoying fly. And this every time is a Decision and a very specific vector of development. There are no ready-made answers here, because we are all different, and we need different things. It should be remembered that the Winner can also have his own "imperfections" - lessons that he did not go through in his time as a Hero. And in this place Life will always provoke him until he works out the block that interferes with the flow of energies.

Interpersonal relationships between partners, when they are from different triangles, are built according to the same laws as love-personal ones. In order for partners (friends, employees) to be comfortable with each other, they must coincide according to the principle of similarity (complementarity) of energies.

Who is complimentary to the Sacrifice? Another Victim, Rescuer, or even a Controller. They will always find something to talk about, and they will perfectly understand each other. Each time it will be a different dialogue in terms of emotional coloring, but they will speak the same language.

But it will be more difficult for the Hero and the Victim. Imagine, for example:

- Victim: "Everything is bad, I have such a hard life!"

- Hero: "Everything can be changed, you just need to pull yourself together and stop whining and complaining."

The hero talks about what he is doing, and it works for him, he sincerely shares, but the Victim can see the energy of the Controller in him, take offense and stop the dialogue.

If it still continues, then you can hear, for example, the following remarks:

- Hero (continuing): "Go to the gym, your energy will increase, you will feel better."

- Victim: “What are you talking about? I don't even have enough money for what I need, what kind of gym is there?"

Then the Hero can fall into the Rescuer and offer to lend money even for the first month of classes. This is a lousy option, because the Victim will not give back the money, and it is doubtful that he will use it for its intended purpose. And if the debt is given, then without much gratitude, which the Rescuer always counts on. All this is unlikely to strengthen their friendly relations.

The hero can, while remaining in his triangle, turn on the Blase Philosopher and say something like:

- "Yes, it's hard, but you still need to somehow get out, right?"

And in this case, he gives the Victim the opportunity to decide for herself what to do, treats his friend as an adult, with respect and faith in his strength. However, from the outside it may look like indifference.

There is one more subpersonality that the Hero can use to communicate with the Victim. This is a Provocateur. What can the Provocateur answer in response to the Victim's complaints? For example, something like:

- "Yes, old man, you have such a life that I don't see any other way out - just hang myself" …

ironically tell you where to get a good and strong rope that will not fail at a crucial moment. And this, of course, can seriously injure the Victim, but oddly enough, this is almost the only way to get a person out of the Karpman triangle. The provocateur rudely but honestly informs the interlocutor:

- "or die, or change your life."

It is difficult, almost unbearable for the victim to communicate with the Hero if he does not fall into the Rescuer. And the Hero is not interested in the Sacrifice. He is burdened by communication, where talking about his successes will only upset the Victim even more (and she will obviously not be happy for her friend!). And listening to her complaints is boring and pointless.

Out of humanity, the Hero can continue this communication (especially if it is a long-term friendship). But success and benefit for both will be only if the Victim voluntarily recognizes his teacher in the Hero. And, using his advice, he will begin to scramble at his own pace towards a brighter future.

The same is the case with Winners and Heroes. Either the Hero learns from the Winner and considers this communication an honor for himself, or it is doomed. Even if the Winner and the Hero once sat at the same desk.

Is it possible to be born a winner?

No you can not. Even if a person was born into a family of Winners, he still has to walk his Path of the Hero. Trying to jump straight to the throne is like waking up at the age of 20 as a 3-year-old. Impossible. There's too much to learn, and the gap is huge. Nobody will do his job for a man, except him.

However, in the family of Winners, a child has many chances to also become a Winner, because the parents will not suppress his energy and initiative. They have enough resources (mental and physical) to give him tasks that will quickly raise him to a higher level. They will also not claim his "loyalty" to family values, they do not need it. They value their freedom highly, therefore they are ready to provide it to others.

Is it possible not to become a Victim?

In order to answer this question, you also need to describe the ZERO triangle.

The zero level is found in young children and a very small number of adults who did not fall into the Sacrifice, and did not dare to go into the Hero. It looks like this:

Impulse-Activity-Assessment

At this level, the Ego has not yet been formed, therefore the names are formulated as qualities, and not as a person (Not an Agent, but an Action).

Energy comes from Pulse but Action, but Grade results are only being formed as thinking is being formed.

And a tender childhood up to 3 years old, the child lives in a pristine paradise and still does not know how to divide the World into "good" and "bad". Any motivation, without passing the censorship, is immediately translated into action. Emotions flow freely, and there is no suppressed energy in the body. There is no time to think about the results of their actions for a long time, and there is nothing to do with it, the conceptual apparatus has not been formed. Therefore, the child easily changes the direction of movement and action: from a butterfly - to a cube - to a typewriter - to a mother - to an apple, etc.

If he falls, pricks, burns and receives other slaps in the environment, he Grade it remembers it and puts a tick in a dangerous place to mark where it is not worth climbing in the future. This is how the initial set of experience takes place - the primary study of life. According to some data, a person during this period receives 90% of all knowledge about the World in which he will live.

Parents (educators) during this period provide the child with conditions for survival and growth (this is ideal). Their task is not to take over the role of the Assessment, which will make it impossible for the child to gain his own experience. If they make decisions for him and inform about it directively:

"Do not climb, you will fall!.. do not drink, you will catch a cold … chew well, otherwise you will choke …",

and so on, then they form a fear of life, which subsequently leads to the fact that the Zero level develops not into "+", but into "-" and form the Controller.

The suppression of the child's free activity during this period, and further - after 3 years, when he begins to master more complex actions, imitating adults, forms the Sacrifice.

If the upbringing is correct, then the child, as a self-organizing system, will behave himself from one experience to another. A person goes to "+" and begins his Path of the Hero, gradually complicating the tasks with which one has to deal with it. And he has every chance to fully reveal his potential by the age of his heyday (30-40 years).

The first Karpman triangle- it's like a virus that is passed from generation to generation, when yesterday's children, raising their children, repeat the same mistakes: they limit, control and manipulate.

Intuition

  • Intuition in Karpman's triangle (at "-1" level) is really bad. The Indvid takes the voices of his inner fears (that is, the Controllers, Persecutors, Rescuers) as "insights". Intuition here is rather - the construction of negative situations, the whipping up of fears or the laying of straw. The goal of a person at this level is SURVIVAL, which means total defense. He hysterically clings to his boundaries, his intuition serves this.
  • At the level of Heroes, this is already better. The more accurate the signals are, the better the subpersonalities of the triangle are worked out.… In each of them, intuition performs its role, making it possible to go to the goal in the best way. By the way, in the case of the Hero, “the best” is not necessarily the most comfortable one. On the contrary, the best is the one where there is more experience, and therefore it will definitely not be comfortable. After all, the goal of the Hero is the KNOWLEDGE of oneself and the World.
  • Winner with intuition is doing great, he knows exactly what to do and when, he believes himself and rarely makes mistakes. His "liver feel" does not fail. The strategic goal here is CREATIVITY, which comes not from a desire to make life easier for oneself, but from an excess of energy.

Firm in the 1st triangle: hard boss (Controller-Persecutor) subordinates - Victims, trade union committee - Rescuer. The firm (or organization) is performing poorly, with few resources. When the boss (Controller) disappears from sight, subordinates stop working or work poorly, without a spark.

Firm in the 2nd triangle: Hero is in charge, Heroes are heads of departments. Fierce competition inside and out. The victims work in the lowest positions, and until they go out to

The "1st" triangle has no chance to advance.

Firm in the 3rd triangle: The winner is the owner of the company, the characters from the 2nd triangle are in key positions. For example - Hero - production manager, Provocateur - creative director. Philosophers (almost without a mixture of Pofigists) are analysts, HR, accounting. Victims and Controllers can also be used by the Winner. The controllers are security and safety, and the Victims, as always, are in the dirtiest and lowest paid jobs.

FOR DIAGNOSTICS it is worth scanning your close environment - who is there? (work, family, friends) If Victims, Controllers and Rescuers, you probably are not very happy, and it is time to do something with your life. Even if it seems to you that you are head and shoulders above, the environment always reflects you, and no one else.

If Heroes, Blase and Provocateurs are interesting and difficult for you, your life is full of trials and drive … And the Winners do not read such articles, they already have it all!

And finally, the last level, which cannot be ignored. This is Sage (Enlightened One).

At this level, there are no longer subpersonalities with division of functions. Because there are no goals of existence. Existence itself is a goal. The sage merges with the World, feeling its perfection, because at this level there is no longer the concept of "good" and "bad", respectively - there is no desire to move from one to another.

He may, of course, be engaged in some kind of external activity, and from the side of the Heroes he will seem like the Hero, and to the Victims - the Sacrifice. In fact, inside his consciousness there is complete calmness and goodness. Everyone feels good about his presence, he affects the state of the World in which he lives, and other people who are nearby.

Sages-Enlightened (they are few, unfortunately) become known, even if nothing is done for this. The light they spread attracts other people, and they are drawn to warm up and receive grace just by being around.

This is a person who is fully realized, who has accepted and manifested his Divine essence. The sage can change the World without lifting a finger - only by changing his inner state. But most often he does not interfere in the course of events, because he sees the perfection of the World, which others do not see.

There is no need to rush there, and it will not work. This state comes by itself, as a natural stage, or it never comes. There is a version that "we will all be there" is not in this life so in the next. And each of us has our own pace.

Driving directions at different stages

  • Karpman's triangle - movement towards the lesser of evils "from bad to less bad";
  • Zero level - the movement is chaotic and still unjustified. The goal is unconscious, but it is there - a set of experience;
  • Hero's Triangle - movement "from bad to good";
  • Winner's Triangle - movement "from good to best".
  • Sage - there is no need to move, THERE IS A STATE OF Blessed Peace, the individual comes to the Zero (non-judgmental) level, but consciously.

Happy climbing the evolution ladder!

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