2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Attachments are formed and established between parent: mom, dad and child in childhood. For a child, the most important, valuable and guarantor of safety is a significant adult - this is, as a rule, a mother in infancy.
Depending on what style of attachment the mother has developed, she passes it on to her child, and the child to hers.
And, as the child grows up, his love for his parent should become more and more, and more and more love.
The researchers on this topic were Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. Mary Ainsworth laid the foundation for the study of infant attachment to mother, and John Bowlby on attachment styles in parent-child relationships.
John Bowlby distinguished between two main types of attachment: safe (healthy) and unsafe (unhealthy).
Safe or healthy attachment is formed when the child signals a specific need and desire. For example, the baby is hungry and a certain signal from the baby is received immediately and the baby is fed. That is, the stimulus is followed by a reaction. Immediate, adequate to the current situation and timely.
Insecure or unhealthy attachment comes in three forms:
- Detached or avoidant attachment. Formed when a stimulus does not meet a response. For example, a child is hungry - and the mother does not hear, does not answer, and does not feed the child. And then, the child feels rejection of himself and his needs. Then, in moments of emotional closeness, he is not sincere, but pretends that he does not need anything, ahead of the rejection of significant adults.
- Restless or anxious attachment. This is when the mother has a lot of feelings and emotions, she is not able to cope with them and take control. The child's need does not meet with a response, or it is chaotic. For example, a child is hungry - the mother either feeds or does not feed her child. There is no constancy and stability in the response to the stimulus. And then the child decides not to get attached to an important loved one so as not to feel his obsession or vulnerability-dependence on an adult.
- Dangerous affection. This is one of the rarest forms of attachment styles. This is when the child's need not only did not receive a response, but is also ridiculed in an exaggerated or devalued form. For example, a hungry child and a mother laughs at him that he is hungry or "eats too often", "fat" and so on. And then, the child cannot be in close proximity, and he himself is unable to emotionally fill and “feed” himself (calm down, provide, resolve the issue, etc.).
If you are interested in the topic of attachment styles, then I recommend John Bowlby's book "Creating and Breaking Emotional Bonds" or his other book "Attachment".
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