How Do You View The World?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often we hear from people such a phrase: "Do not violate my personal boundaries." Have you ever thought about how and when these boundaries are created? And what influence does the environment have on them?

Let's try to figure it out.

Personal boundaries are how you build relationships with other people and how you interact with them.

Even in early childhood, a child begins to learn about the outside world thanks to his parents. Next comes the kindergarten and school.

There, the child learns to interact with other children and adults. Thus, he gains experience of interacting with the outside world.

Then the child begins to form an idea of himself. A clear internal position appears - who am I? What am I? What is the world around me? What kind of people are around me?

Answering these questions, each person creates a certain life position. This is our base, our foundation, our attitude to life and to the people around us. And through this life position, formed in childhood, we interact with the world.

There are 4 types of key life positions that people lose to each other. They can be reproduced in different situations with different people, in different spaces. But each person has one position that is played most often. And it happens unconsciously.

1. Position "I'm OK - you're not OK", "I'm good - you're bad."

This is a superior position. It implies that I'm doing great. But the other person I interact with is not doing so well. This position can be played through pride, superiority, and the desire to rise above another person. A person in this position gives the impression that he is better, smarter, stronger than others.

Manifestation: Unconscious suppression of another person.

Insisting and imposing your thoughts and judgments. Devaluation of the other - his qualities, thoughts, actions. It is difficult for such a person to ask for forgiveness if he is wrong. He is focused on his own importance. Such people can destroy other people in relationships, especially within the family. They will constantly suppress their partner - with words, comparisons, devaluation of him as a person. And no matter how hard the partner tries to prove himself, he will still be suppressed.

2. Position "I'm not OK - you're OK", "I'm bad - you're good."

This is the position of a feeling of inferiority. Such a person all the time compares himself to others and most often with a negative connotation. He has no sense of the significance and worth of himself. Such people constantly adjust, please, try to satisfy other people's needs, unconsciously push their desires and interests into the background. They have the feeling that there is someone above him all the time. In such a relationship, there is an adjustment to the partner.

Manifestation: Constant focus on what destroys him, on negative emotions, on his weaknesses and failures. Constant self-criticism and self-flagellation.

These positions in life can overlap. For example, within a family, a woman can be a leader and suppress a man. But at work, she may be in a position below the other person and must adjust to his decisions and actions.

3. The position "I am plus, you are plus", the position of cooperation

This is the most advantageous position. It includes dialogue, the possibility of partnership and interaction on an equal footing. This position is formed in people who can accept themselves. These people grew up in a family where they were accepted, understood and given the opportunity to be themselves. Therefore, such children felt that everything was fine with them. They showed themselves calmly and could get what they wanted. The child interacted with the outside world on an equal footing. Therefore, through the prism of self-acceptance, the child accepts the outside world and other people. He looks at everything through himself. And in adulthood, he looks at people and sees strong and positive qualities in them. He sees them as an opportunity for cooperation and interaction. In such a position, it is easy to create partnerships, it is easy to develop and interact.

4. The position "I am minus, you are minus", the position of passivity

This position is the most difficult to get out of. It is a state of sacrifice, a state of devaluation of oneself and others. The main motive of such people is "I can't do it and you can't do it." A person looks at the world and other people through a state of passivity and rejection. He is in internal conflict with himself, and this projection is transferred to the outside world. In such a position, there is no cooperation, no activity, no growth. A person hangs in the negative and loses resources.

Most often, a person relies on one position in different situations and with different people.

If there is a desire to improve this or that position and gather around you people who will be in the same position, then you can come there. But for this you need to be aware of where you are now. And be able to keep track of your thoughts and feelings in your current position. And then understand how you can make the transition. You can also help your partner by changing your behaviors.

Why do we choose this position? How to improve your position in life? How to learn to be in a relationship in the position "I am plus, you are plus"? I invite you to go through my author's program on the psychology of men and women "Relationships dressed in happiness."

With love and care, Olga Salodkaya