2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sexuality issues are one of the most exciting and deeply affecting our psychological well-being. And at the same time it is most difficult to discuss them - it is shameful, forbidden, and in general, since I have problems in this topic, then something is wrong with me. I'm kind of wrong. Abnormal.
Only it is not so. We are all normal. Any experience that we have is normal. And we all deserve to be happy and sexually fulfilled.
And if this very satisfaction does not come? Let's see what this may be related to.
Where was Freud wrong?
Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, is one of the most controversial figures in the history of psychology. On the one hand, he generally brought the topic of sexuality, including that of women, into the field of public discussion. On the other hand, he formed stereotypical beliefs about her, which still have a negative impact on the sexual well-being of women.
And the most striking of these misconceptions is the existence of the so-called vaginal orgasm - or, it would be more correct to say, orgasm from vaginal penetration. According to Freud, it is this form of pleasure that is characteristic of a mature, adult woman. And the ability to achieve orgasm only from stimulating the clitoris is a sign of immaturity and infantilism.
This topic is still broadcast in the media and on specialized sites. Moreover, the authors argue that there are other types of orgasm - uterine, anal, and who knows what else.
Only this is what Freud did not know (or perhaps did not want to know) - that any orgasm is clitoral. If you look at the anatomy of the clitoris, it turns out that this is not just a small pea, but a rather large organ, the legs of which, as it were, braid the walls of the vagina, and sometimes go along the labia majora and can reach the anus. And it is the stimulation of the clitoris - external or internal - that helps to achieve orgasm.
But why only helps? Because in fact, the organ of orgasm is … brain!
Where is the fun switch in the brain?
In fact, there are two toggle switches in the brain - one accelerates pleasure, and the other, on the contrary, slows it down. These are the so-called SES and SIS systems. Sexologist Emily Nagoski calls or gas and brake pedals for our sexuality. What are these systems?
SES works to find exciting stimuli: smells, pictures, thoughts and feelings. Any stimulus associated with the sexual context activates the SES and gives the command to be aroused.
SIS works in the opposite direction and scans the space for threatening stimuli or inappropriate context. If the SIS find the moment inappropriate, then sexual arousal will be inhibited.
And in a situation of intimacy, these two systems should work in tandem: high arousal and orgasm are possible with SES activity and suppressed SIS. In other words, for the car to move, you need to step on the gas and release the brake.
There is, however, one catch - the sensitivity of the SES and SIS systems is different for each person. And it happens that a person with a low SES sensitivity needs more time to achieve arousal. And sometimes the high sensitivity of SIS throws the whole mood off. And in women, this option is more common than in men. This does not mean that they are less able to experience the pleasure of intimacy. And it does not mean that pleasure is unattainable. It just means that it's worth exploring your own characteristics and knowing what increases my arousal, and what, on the contrary, suppresses it.
So what's the bottom line?
Studies show that there are very few women who are unable to achieve orgasm. This is usually associated with neurological pathologies of the spinal cord and brain. Most people, regardless of gender, can achieve peak pleasure. And an important role is played here by the attitude to your body, knowing what I like or dislike, trust in my partner and creating conditions in which sexuality can unfold.
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