2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The mistake many of us make is to think of love as having a life of its own. It happens by itself, independently of us. As if this feeling is different from others. However, to live a love story is similar to how we devote ourselves to any situation, feeling, emotion.
Everything that we live every day, we are able to manage it, regulate it, improve it or overcome it. Dealing with situations, we set goals, look at our fears, work on self-esteem and self-confidence, try to analyze our "why", according to which something happens exactly like that and not otherwise.
Why don't we do it with a feeling of love?
Why don't we try to figure out what is wrong about love? Why don't we change our own thoughts, attitudes, behavior?
The problem with this misperception of love lies in the historical legacy. What we know about love is only part of a relationship. We were presented with the idea “and they lived happily ever after,” but no one told what happens after the main characters of fairy tales, stories and films begin to live together.
In schools and universities, we did not study the ABC of family relations. We were not taught how to be partners, spouses, parents. All that we have seen is the experience of our parents. And they were not told anything either.
As a result, we are disappointed. We are faced with the fact that the love stories described in the books do not correspond to the realities of life. Someone more successful, and intuitively was able to find "how" by which you can happily interact with each other. If there are such people in your environment, watch how they manage to live in love.
Relationships are not a battlefield. This is an interaction in which both participants must cooperate and win, if, of course, they are aimed at a happy relationship in love. This interaction is more like a company with its business plan with goals and strategies. Everyone should know the rules of a couple's life, behavior, aspirations and desires of a partner
In addition, from generation to generation, many different behavioral and response programs have been passed on to us. These programs served for survival and adaptation in different conditions. Some programs existed millions of years before us and continue their life in us. There are also those that we have acquired during our life, thanks to personal experience. If any of the new programs is not correct, it will influence our choices and decisions.
Until we understand what programs affect our thoughts, beliefs and, as a result, choices, it will be difficult to live love happily. The task of each of us is not to consider the feeling of love as a separately coming object, which either meets on our way or not. It is very important to help yourself with love and understand that it depends only on us. We either reveal it for ourselves (first of all, and only then pass it on to the partner), or we block it.
And the first step is realizing that love needs help. Refresher courses. The air that will always be present in your relationship with your partner.
Translated from Ettore Amato's book "And we lived in happiness and joy: get rid of false myths about love and learn to love"
To be continued…
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