2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Each of us, to one degree or another, strives for success. We all want the best. Success is a rather complex concept, often involving many different conditions. Achieving success is not easy, it requires long and systematic efforts in different areas of life.
Why does it happen that we do not feel satisfaction, happiness, or even banal joy when we finally reach our goal? There are several main reasons. Let's take a closer look at each of them.
1. If you have achieved success, but do not feel satisfied and joyful, it is important to think about your priorities, values and ask yourself if this is what you wanted. Chances are this is not your success.… This is the bar that your mom, dad, or other significant adult set for you. And not necessarily directly. Perhaps you were compared with your peers or told with envy about your colleagues at work (“But Svetka bought a new apartment, and her children will be just as successful, with money, not like you”). Or maybe you were simply underestimated, and you decided to prove to everyone that you are worth something. It may also be that this success is yours, but you needed him before … That is, this achievement corresponded to your desires there and then, but here and now you have completely different desires and aspirations. “If you didn't have a bike as a child, you can buy one when you grow up. But as a child, you still didn't have a bicycle”(c)
What to do in such a situation? It is important to track down and realize whether you really want it. And is this achievement relevant at the moment. If not, what exactly is relevant to you now?
2. I am of the opinion that a mentally healthy person has the resources to overcome difficulties in their life and cope with problems. However, it often happens that a person is not aware of these resources or is channeling them in the wrong direction. For example, due to unrecorded problems in the first relationship, a guy (or girl) begins to invest in his career, ignoring other opportunities to build new relationships. And this guy / girl achieves good results, buys a car, travels abroad, goes up the career ladder, but does not feel happiness. On the contrary, some kind of emptiness, longing and pain. The problem here is that a person does a lot, but not that … And here it is important to notice not only the part of oneself that seeks to compensate for suffering (albeit quite successfully), but also the part that is traumatized and abandoned. Hidden behind cars, money and travel.
3. In existential psychology, there are the concepts of worlding and worldview. These are two processes that need to be harmonized for your own well-being. What are these processes made of?
Worlding is about being involved in your life, living the experience.
Worldview is the process of structuring experiences, giving them meaning.
It follows that it is important to pay attention to involvement in the process of achieving success, not just the analysis of the results. If you are not involved, you will have a hard time enjoying the accomplishments, even if they make sense.
4. A friend of mine once said that her biggest dream is to go to Scandinavia. This, frankly, did not seem to be something unattainable. It was possible to accumulate money for the trip over time, and an acquaintance who knows languages well, showed a desire to keep company on this trip. After some time looking for other reasons not to go towards her dream, the friend confessed: “If I fulfill my dream, it will cease to be a dream. It will be just an ordinary vacation, a trip with certain inconveniences and costs, and what am I going to dream about after?..”So, the fourth reason for the lack of pleasure in success is idealization. Obviously, our fantasies do not always coincide with reality, they are more elevated, problem-free and often … infantile.
Solution is growing up. It is important to note that pleasant fantasies often lack the moment of overcoming difficulties and self-development. Dreams are aimed at just having fun outside without doing anything special. But if you learn to notice your achievements, even if they do not coincide with your ideas about the ideal, to rejoice in the good in the presence of problems, and not to discount success if it is not ideal, you can be happy for yourself in reality, and not regret that everything was not as in your imagination.
If you want to analyze your personal case, or to solve another problem that bothers you, I am waiting for you at my consultations:)
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