2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The topic of the fact that very often parents force the child to eat worries me. Because I come across this a lot. This is very common in our society. Therefore, thanks to a member of our group for this important question. It sounded like this: "Why can't you force a child to eat, especially under threat of punishment."
To force something is always violence. Even if persuaded - this is also violence and coercion, disguised in a "good" form. And even more so under the threat of punishment. I am against violence. Let me explain why.
Let's think about how the child feels in this situation and what consequences it can lead to.
So if the child is forced to eat. However, he does not want to eat. He either has not yet had a feeling of hunger. Or he is already full and feels full.
While the child is still sensitive to himself - he is still able to notice his feelings of hunger and satiety. This is an innate human ability. A newborn baby eats when he is hungry and enough to satisfy his hunger. Try to feed your newborn more than he wants to eat.
But if a child is forced to eat when he is not yet hungry or when he is already full, what do you think, what consequences can this lead to?
Yes, he can obey these requirements to eat more than he needs. And this will lead to the fact that he will gradually forget how to notice his natural needs - in the feeling of hunger and the feeling of satiety. And then he will focus not on his own needs in this, but on what is offered to him by other people.
In childhood, these are, as a rule, parents, educators, teachers. In adulthood, these are some important or not very important people for him - relatives, friends, friends, advertising.
And then, over time, a person will lose the ability to hear their needs and will be guided by the needs of other people.
To make it clearer, I will give examples. For example, he will not eat when he feels hungry, but, for example, for the company or after seeing some kind of food advertisement. For example, in order not to offend the hostess while visiting. Or for a campaign somewhere. What do you think this will lead to? This will lead to overeating.
In the same case, when he unlearns to hear his feeling of satiety, he will not be able to notice when he is full and this can also lead him to overeat, he will eat more than he needs.
If a child is forced to eat under threat of punishment? Yes, it is possible that he will be afraid of both the punishment itself and the fact that he may lose his parent's love and affection for himself. And he will be forced to obey.
And then what do you think, what consequences can this lead to? To the fact that, under the influence of fear, he will obey. But. At the same time, how do you think - what will he feel and what his need will be ignored? He will be angry. And get angry that they don't hear him. That they don't reckon with him. And what do you think will happen to his anger?
There are several options. He can, either out of fear, express his anger to the parent, direct it to himself - these are variants of auto-aggression. He may harm himself in some way. Biting yourself, pinching, banging your head, pulling your hair out, etc.
Or another option that is healthier for the child, but does not help the relationship with the parents. He may protest in something else. To be stubborn in situations where there seems to be no reason. In general, this anger will find a way out in different situations of communication with parents. Especially with the parent who forces him to eat under threat of punishment.
But it may not always necessarily be this parent. It can also be the other way around, the child may behave obstinately with the parent with whom he is safer, from whom he is less likely to receive punishment again.
Another question is that it is important to find out the reason that the child refuses to eat something specific. Maybe the food is unusual for him and it is important for him to get used to it. Maybe he doesn't like something in a particular dish.
If the child can already speak, then this can be discussed - "what do you dislike, and what would you like?" And to agree on what will be acceptable for you and suitable for the child, and he will agree with this choice.
Good luck on the path of knowing yourself, on the path of improving relations with loved ones and on the path of raising happy children!
Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa
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