The Child Screams Hysterically. How Can You Help Yourself And Him?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often, in relationships with our children, we are faced with their tantrums or just crying violently. I would like to support you in these situations. And maybe show you that way of communicating with your child in similar situations, which will be useful for you and your child.

I understand that in such situations you can experience the most difficult feelings. Most likely, and anger and confusion. And it may be a shame that your child is behaving this way. That, perhaps, you think to yourself that you are not a good enough mother, since your child behaves this way. And maybe you feel guilty about the child.

At this point, it is important to notice what you yourself are experiencing. And if it is anger that the child is behaving this way, then I suggest you inform him about it through I-messages. For example, "I am now angry (or angry, whichever suits better) that you do this (that is how you behave, you say so)." Or inform about your confusion again through I-messages.

And then, after you have told your child about your emotions, try to notice his emotions, which you think he may be experiencing right now. The child, as a rule, is angry at this moment. And he is angry that he cannot get what he wants. And very often the child screams out of anger and powerlessness that he cannot be heard by you, that you cannot hear him.

Think of a situation when you yourself wanted something, but did not get it. What happened to you then? Surely, you were upset, and you were angry that you did not get what you wanted and needed so badly. Anger is such a natural reaction to the fact that we cannot receive something important for us.

And the child at this moment needs to be heard by you.

I suggest you tell him that you hear that he wants something. But it cannot receive it. Maybe you can't even give it to him. It often happens that the parent has to limit the child in something. Not everything we, as parents, can give to a child. And not everything needs to be given. There are things that are simply harmful to the child. And there are, in addition to the interests of the child, also your interests and desires.

So that's it. It is important to support the child in such a situation. Tell him that you hear him. That you understand him, that you understand that he is angry, that he cannot get what he wants. That you, in his place, too, might be angry. That you are sorry that you are so forced to deny him something. And at the same time, it is important to say that you cannot give it to him. You can explain why you can't. Maybe there is some alternative to what the child wants and what you can accomplish. You can ask the child what would calm him down now. Ask what you can do to make him feel better.

When the child hears words of sympathy from you, and his emotions subside, then there is an opportunity to agree on something. You can discuss what happened. And talk about how you can do it differently.

For example, a toddler asks you for a toy in a store. And for some reason you cannot or don’t want to buy it. And he is upset and angry that you refuse to buy him a toy. He may cry loudly or even start screaming. In general, a child may have a hysteria.

What can you do to support yourself and your child?

If at this moment you notice that you also have strong emotions, then it is important to tell the child, at least roughly indicating them. For example, I am now also very upset or also angry (angry).

Then, when you have outlined your feelings, it is already easier for you to support the child.

You can tell him that you hear him, that you understand him, that he is upset, that you cannot buy him a toy. That you wish you could fulfill his wish. And it so happens that not always all our desires can be fulfilled. And that you want to somehow support the child and somehow help him calm down. Offer him some possible options for what the child may be interested in and what you can do.

For example, say: "Come on now, when we come home, will we play with you the game that you like?" Or ask: "What can I do for you so that you are not so sad?" Perhaps the child will offer you his own version or agree with yours.

I will also add that if the child does not refuse bodily contact, then hug him, take him on his knees or arms. Hugs and body contact make it much easier for a child to calm down.

Friends, I will be glad to read from you in the comments if you manage to support yourself and your child in difficult situations. And if it doesn't work, what is difficult for you to do?

Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa