How To Gain Self-confidence To Successfully Achieve Your Goals?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Do you question every decision you make? Do you feel constrained and insecure in communication? Fear of talking about your sincere feelings and desires? Tired of constant insecurity? And do you have a great desire to achieve your goal?

We come to this world as a blank sheet of paper, on which nothing is written, and there is no shyness, fears, anxieties, feelings of shame, awkwardness in us. But what happens next? Why, as an adult, when it is necessary to make decisions, act, express oneself, does self-doubt appear?

Confidence is an important part of success in the implementation of personal plans, ideas, in achieving the desired goals. While insecurity becomes a problem and exacerbates a lot in life, because of your fears you do not achieve what you want and do not get satisfaction from life, which leads to a decrease in self-confidence …

I remember how I had to perform for the first time at the All-Ukrainian festival "Anima", where there were about 200 participants. Then I did not even have a certificate of a consultant, I was still in the process of training. I had a unique opportunity to perform on the same site with well-known psychologists, coaches, and coaches. My inner critic was then simply unforgiving, there were many fears, doubts; my lack of confidence in success overshadowed everything. And I understood that either I would perform successfully and declare myself, or I would stay where I was. This continued until I realized the main reasons for this and worked through them. And now I can say with confidence that my performance was successful!

I propose to use examples to analyze the possible reasons for uncertainty that will help you in the future to determine your vector to change.

Self-doubt as a scenario comes from childhood.

One of the important reasons why we restrain our expression is our childhood experience: relationships with significant adults in the process of personality formation (parents, relatives, educators, teachers, etc.), with those who directly influenced us. The way they behaved at home and in society, whatever they said, is the key to developing a sense of themselves - confident or not.

When in childhood I often heard:

- "Do not touch anything!", "Do not touch, I myself / a!" - such phrases prevent the child from doing something on his own, so in the future it will be difficult to count on his independence. In adulthood, a person with such an attitude may experience difficulties at the beginning of each business, often postpones important decisions, he has difficulties in planning matters, a constant lack of time, fear of taking responsibility for himself. Accordingly, this hinders him in building a career, in his personal life, in development and achievements.

- "You won't succeed", "Your hands are like hooks (either they grow from the wrong place, or are attached to the wrong end) …" - often such phrases greatly reduce self-esteem. In adulthood, a person, as a rule, becomes very diligent, hardworking and responsible, but inside there is a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with the result of something that prevents him from getting real pleasure from his work, from the process and from life in general. The primary goal is to get an assessment of your success and recognition.

- "Do like everyone else!", "Be like everyone else!", "Don't stick your head out - are you special or what?" There are parents who are confident that others will envy their children who succeed, and therefore they do their best to protect their children from such envy. And as adults, such people more often obey and abandon their careers, do not occupy a leading position, constantly adapt and are afraid to express their opinions "so as not to harm."

- "Wanting is not harmful!", "Again you need something!", "How much can you want and ask?" - hearing this, the child learns that wanting and talking about their desires is bad. Becoming an adult, he often satisfies anyone's needs, but not his own. It is difficult for him to ask for something for himself. And most often he expresses his desires in the form of claims. Such people can be easily manipulated and used for their own purposes, both by peers at school and friends, colleagues in adult life. It is easier for such a person to get away from the conflict than to express their opinions and desires.

I gave just a few examples that I came across personally and come across in working with clients.

Of course, the formation of confidence and personality in general is influenced not only by the behavior of significant adults, but also by their own experience. In order to survive, children are forced to adapt. And therefore, living through a certain experience, our body programs it at an unconscious level, and already in adulthood in such situations, this program is reproduced completely unconsciously.

Now you are no longer a child, and everything that you received less in childhood, everything that led to self-doubt, you can definitely change, starting right now!

Remember all those phrases that you often heard in your childhood from significant adults. You may already be familiar with many of the above. Write them down on paper. Read and answer yourself: how do you feel about these phrases? What would you like to feel?

And now, opposite each phrase, write your creative, completely opposite phrase, which makes you delight, joy, confidence. From now on, you will learn to stick to them in your life.

Start the path to your confidence through self-love! Learn to show yourself more attention and care, please yourself, praise yourself, be proud of your achievements, skills and be grateful for everything that is already in your life!

I sincerely wish to go through life freely, easily and with confidence!

With love

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