2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are people who ALWAYS experience toxic feelings of guilt themselves, constantly evoke it in others and, as a tool, use it to manipulate others.
Most often, this behavior begins in childhood.
There is "Object Relations Theory" in psychoanalysis and Melanie Klein described it very well. She tells that all forms of relationships with the world and other people are laid not even in childhood, but in infancy.
If the family manipulates each other and constantly presses on the "wine" button, then the child absorbs such a model of behavior. He doesn't even know what is different. In his vision, all relationships between people are based on control, guilt and manipulation.
When such a child grows up, he thinks that such a scheme of interaction with others is the norm. And if he gets into a healthy, environmentally friendly society, then he cannot communicate adequately in it and always looks for a formula that is familiar to him. And often not only searches, but also launches it between people.
He constantly apologizes, pleases in every possible way, tries to be very comfortable.
If there is no reason to ask for forgiveness, he creates them himself (for example, he is late) in order to experience feelings of guilt, dear and dear from childhood.
And if he has enough logic and power, then in any relationship, family or industrial, he builds a structure: I am the boss, and the rest are subordinates. This is his ideal picture of the world.
Such a person does not understand horizontal relationships, when everyone is on the same plane and communicates on an equal footing. Without manipulation, pressure and provoking guilt.
If he fails to create a relationship: I am a boss - you are a subordinate, then he accepts the model: I am a subordinate - you are a boss, but I will definitely look for someone who will become my subordinate. For example, when I have children, I will make them that way. And I will manipulate them, accuse them and blackmail them.
So, from generation to generation, a toxic feeling of guilt is transmitted.
For those who have now seen familiar traits or patterns of behavior, it is important to realize this and break the chain.
Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Recommended:
Are Feelings Of Guilt And A Sense Of Responsibility Two Sides Of The Same "coin"?
This topic is as eternal as it is serious. Feelings of guilt destroy us from the inside. It makes us puppets, weak-willed pawns in other people's games. It is on him, like on a hook, that manipulators catch us. But you hardly thought about the fact that the feeling of guilt experienced by a person is the flip side of another, not destructive, but quite constructive personality trait - a sense of responsibility.
Move Away From Toxic People, Including Toxic Relatives
The decision not to contact a family member is deeply personal. For some of us, the healing of a mother's wound is only possible through contact with the mother. In this scenario, healing creates a new, deeper connection between mother and daughter - and this is infinitely beautiful.
Guilt And Resentment. Resentment And Guilt. Two Sides Of The Same Coin
Why did I suddenly combine such different, polar feelings into one topic? That is why - they live in a bundle - where there is guilt, there is also resentment. And vice versa. But one of them, as a rule, we do not notice in ourselves. If we are offended, then we do not talk about our guilt, we "
How To Recognize A Manipulator And Guilt? How To Stop The Manipulator And Eliminate The Feeling Of Guilt?
How to recognize a manipulator and guilt? How to stop the manipulator and eliminate the feeling of guilt? Imagine, one of your close people asks you to do something, but you cannot or do not want to. A colleague talks about a boss who is not happy with your report, his father complains that you rarely call him … Sometimes we manipulate ourselves, but this type of manipulation is difficult to recognize, since it is in the subconscious.
Neurotic Guilt. Guilty Without Guilt
I will give a generalized image of a person subject to neurotic guilt according to Karen Horney. A neurotic person (analytically, should be distinguished from a psychiatric diagnosis) is often inclined to attribute his suffering to the fact that he does not deserve a better fate.
