2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today we are talking about the behavioral problems of children due to their emotional state. Why does a child have acute behavioral problems at all and how should parents respond to them?
One of the reasons is the social environment in which the child lives or his isolation from society. Few thought, but one of the types of domestic violence is social isolation, when parents purposefully do not allow the child to communicate in different places, be it a courtyard, a playground, hypermarkets, educational institutions. Lack of social skills leads to weakening of social intelligence. The child simply does not “read” the society, so his behavior will become “not stereotyped”, rather, in the form of the so-called “hyperactivity”, “aggression” or hysterics.
The second reason: any behavioral "symptom" is a product of the situation in which the child grows up. Socially discouraged behavior is a symptom. You need to make an effort to figure out its cause, to answer the question, but what, after all, happened? Perhaps the situation in the family has changed for the child: the divorce of the parents, the death of a parent, the death of close relatives, the appearance of a newborn. It is likely that he changed school or kindergarten. Perhaps he changed his place of residence. The child's behavior will always give you a symptom if the adaptation is difficult. Paradoxically, the presence of a symptom helps to adapt to the situation in the most favorable way. Judge for yourself, who is easier: a child who carries experiences in himself for years or someone who attacks loved ones with tantrums for several days, completely getting used to the changes that are taking place?
The third reason is the lack of satisfaction of needs. So, for example, if a child needs a little more tactile contact, which he does not receive, his need is not satisfied. Suffering will again turn into a "behavioral symptom." It is important to teach your child to be aware of and speak out their needs. It is important for parents to hear when their child talks about needs. So, for example, the desire to do homework next to their parents, sleep, hugging mother, eat next to dad (even if he is sleeping), play where adults are - these are needs. Everything that children want is connected with those who are next to him. Meeting children's needs is necessary to create an inner fulcrum for the child. With early full independence and self-support, he loses many protective psychological mechanisms.
The fourth reason is emotions. For any person to notice what he is going through is to be healthy. For a child, emotions are the first system for assessing reality. When a child is not emotionally competent, a biaxial assessment of his emotional reactions arises. To a simple question from parents "What do you feel?" - an answer will be given that does not really reflect the dynamics of emotional reactions. It is important, together with the child, to learn to distinguish emotions, to articulate them, and then move from emotions to answering the question, "what do I want?" Sometimes, in answering this question, parents will hear the child's need and what he needs.
FORMULA: I FEEL … TO SOMEONE (TO SOMETHING) AND FROM THIS PERSON (FROM THIS SITUATION) I WANT …
The fifth reason is unfinished business. The child might want to play football with friends, but his parents did not let him go to the playground. The child was carried away by another business, experiencing his failure (for example, he began to tear up books). This creative adaptation later becomes a behavioral pattern (rigidly fixed adaptation). In any difficult, critical emotional situation, the child will return to the behavioral pattern. This situation is a good start for developing a relationship between a child and an adult. Learn to articulate the child's emotional state and try to hear the answer to the question, what does he really want? Perhaps, in the desire to go out to play with the boys on the street, or the desire to buy a new doll hides a completely different need behind it …
Say it.
ATTENTION! Remember: a violation of attachment to the mother or father presupposes the abandonment of oneself by the child, roughly affects his psychological formation.
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