2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you feel sorry for men, they don't win. A balance of rigor and love is needed
Parable
One king went to war and left his wife at home. Once on the battlefield, he saw that the enemy was strong, his army was numerous. And he realized that he could lose the battle and be killed.
For a moment, fear seized him, and he decided to return to the palace. He went to the gate and knocked.
- Who's there? - asked his wife
- It's me, your husband. Open it to me. I do not want to fight - the king answered
- It is not true. You are not my husband. My husband is a brave hero. And He, if necessary, will die on the battlefield - the wife answered and did not open the gate.
Then the king had to return to the battlefield and fight.
In that battle, he was victorious
- He's tired, poor thing. Do you understand? Also not endless. Therefore, I took a part-time job at home. A colleague went on maternity leave, I was allowed to do part of her work at home. Straight, I don't know what to do with him.
- With whom?
- With husband.
- Why do you have to do something with him? I asked.
- Well, of course! There is not a single drop of pity in you directly. I try to understand my husband. Most people are so indifferent, it's sad.
Looks at me reproachfully.
- He doesn’t like his job, why should he suffer. It's a pity I work a lot, there is little time left for the children …
- Do you like your job?
- Not in everything, but in principle it suits. And the experience is dripping.
She told me how caring and economic she was. At the same time, she is enterprising, trying to make money on occasion. To help my husband get back on his feet after a break from work. He's depressed.
My husband is 49 years old. And he has been unemployed for 1, 5 years. He is looking for something to his liking so far.
- We want to buy a dacha so that we can leave the city for the weekend. I have asthma. But there is not enough money.
- How often do you call your husband poor?
She didn't like the question. And she immediately ceased to be as courteous as usual. It seemed to me that now she would grab a pack of napkins and throw it on my forehead.
- What are you implying?
- Yes, I am not hinting, but quite bluntly speaking. More precisely, I ask questions. What gives you pity for him? Why do you need it not to work?
After a while, it turns out that she is very afraid of being alone. Children are already teenagers. Soon they will fly out of the nest completely, and let the husband stay with her.
- Is it possible that your salary is a monthly contribution for spending time with you? And when he is out of work, so reliably attached.
She began to sob as if there had been no tears in her life for a long time. She nevertheless took the pack of napkins and used up half.
- Don't you feel sorry for me? Why do you look so calmly at how I suffer?
I wondered how much was left in me from the victim, who would rejoice in the grief of others, in order to straighten her shoulders and “save”. Apparently not very much. I just thought how and in what way, we will return the lost value of our "I" to this woman. I mentally split this work into stages. Put asthma and her eczema on her hands in this heap … Only she herself can save herself. I only have instructions.
Then I saw her questioning look and realized that something must be answered.
- I heard somewhere that a man does not need pity from a woman. Pity makes him weak, insecure. There were, I remember, requests from men about acceptance, respect and love from women. They even need care much less than recognition. And pity is paralyzing. It should not be confused with sympathy and recognition of other people's interests - these are slightly different understandings. Men love affectionate and ruthless, in a certain sense, women. Remember, like in Yesenin:
“You don’t love me, you don’t regret me, Am I not a little handsome?
Without looking in the face, you are thrilled with passion, Putting your hands on my shoulders."
She lifted her bangs and blurted out:
“Your tone annoys me. Where did you get the idea that you understand relationships? You are good for me as a daughter!
- Well, I don't really know much. Therefore, I ask questions that you yourself did not dare to ask. You are angry with me because I hurt you by getting your splinters. But you came for this? At the expense of daughters, hardly, only if you gave birth to me at the age of 11.
- My mother gave birth to me at 16 and gave it to my grandmother for upbringing. I really missed her …
It was already possible to work with this.
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