What Kind Of Filth Is Stopping Me From Living? A Little About Introjects. Part 1: What Is It And "what Are They Eaten With"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever heard phrases from others like: “It seems that I have everything, but I don’t have happiness” or “I do a lot of things, I achieve my goal, but I don’t get pleasure”? Or maybe there is talk that there is some nasty thing in this life that interferes with living this life? It prevents you from getting pleasure from life. It interferes with entering into relationships with people, with the world and its separate parts, and living in these relationships. And in general, a lot of things interfere with doing (well, or not doing - which is also likely). And if completely in secret, to yourself, quietly - maybe you yourself have ever said something like that, what a sin to hide, huh? Today we will talk about one of these nasty things, which, in my opinion, to a greater extent prevents a person from being himself and living his own life - about introjects

So, if we translate this overseas term from Latin, then the introject is “taking in”. And indeed it is. Introject - this is some knowledge, opinions, assessments, thoughts accepted, "absorbed" and "absorbed" by a person "into himself" from the outside world. These are the rules that say how one should live, what one should be, what one should choose and what the world around us is like. In fact, this is a stereotype "absorbed" from the outside world. Soaked without chewing, without logic, without confirmation, without verification.

Simply absorbed and accepted as a given, the rule is an axiom, which, in general, does not need proof of the above. And the point. And then introject predetermines the readiness of a person for a certain form of response, the readiness to act in a certain way, to interact with people, to choose actions and deeds in any situations in accordance with this stereotype. And even think and feel in accordance with a certain template, too, sometimes makes.

And it seems to be nice when in some things you really do not need to check and double-check any information, but you can just accept it. And up to a certain age, for example, it is in principle useful for a child. After all, it’s true, how can a child know what and how should happen in the world? What is dangerous and what is not. Do's and Don'ts. And then this kind of "absorption" of information (and, scientifically, introjection) is very important for a child's adaptation to the world, to society. It is important for his safety as well. In this case, the introject is the most important component of socialization. For example, the knowledge that the road must definitely go to the green light is very useful: it ensures safety and certainly does not require verification and confirmation empirically for the same reasons of safety. Or that "Matches for children are not toys." Or that when playing in the sandbox, you should not throw sand in the eyes of another child, for example. Or hit him on the head with a shovel (if you think about it, this also ensures the safety of mothers from "showdowns" with other mothers - useful information from all sides). It's another matter that a person introjects or "absorbs" a lot of things. And not always what he really needs, is necessary, useful and will meet his true needs and the requirements of the surrounding reality. Or, alternatively, an introject can be very useful for a child in childhood, but with growing up it becomes irrelevant - simply because the child has already grown up. Thus, we can safely say that the introject becomes a kind of pathology in the life of a particular person when he begins to prevent him from living his own life, according to his own rules, making his own conscious choice and not being a puppet in the wrong hands.

What "nasty things" does such a pathological introject bring to a person's life? How does he prevent him from living? Based on my personal experience and experience with clients, as well as what is described in all sorts of literature, I can talk about the following "dangers" and very "slippery" places that can be a consequence of the introject:

1. From my fellow gestaltists I often hear that introject – there is an interruption of contact with the world … Having a strictly regulated stereotype, a kind of "blinkered" thinking, it is very difficult to directly contact the world in all its diversity and perceive it outside the existing context of the introject. “The world is dangerous. All people are evil. And you should be a quiet and modest girl and generally “not shine” - this is such an introject I once came across in my work. How can you contact the world here, how to communicate with people when you have such a conviction? At the time only to dig into a hole and sit in it, not sticking out your head.

2. Very often the introject comes into direct conflict with the desires, feelings, needs of the person. And then you want one thing, but, according to your introject, a person does something completely different. This is where the conflict lies. For example, parents say to their little son: “We have a family of hereditary teachers. And when you grow up you have to become a teacher. And the son grows up, and reluctantly enters the university at the pedagogical faculty. And then he goes to work at a local school. And he hates his job with all his heart. But in fact, all his life he wanted to become an artist, engineer, or a psychologist. Not a rosy prospect, okay? Or, contrary to his introject (which happens much less often), he does what he wants. And he becomes an artist, or an engineer, or a psychologist. But in the future he is torn from a feeling of guilt (or shame, or something else not very positive) from violating his duty - he should have become a teacher. And it seems that he satisfied his need by becoming what he wanted. But at what cost? And will he receive satisfaction from this through all his negative feelings? Most probably not.

3. In Psychodrama (this is a method that I practice) there is a very important concept - a role. Normally, in every situation, a person is in a certain role that is adequate to this situation. For example, mother, father, daughter, son, wife, husband, boss, subordinate, etc. And each such role is filled with certain functions. Introjects very often fill various human roles with functions that are not inherent in them. As a result, the role becomes dysfunctional, acting incorrectly. For example, a mother teaches her daughter that she should be like a mother to her husband, or even better than a mother, otherwise she will leave, scoundrel, to another. Or mom will love more than his wife. As a result, instead of the role of a wife, mistress, mistress, the grown-up girl successfully fulfills the role of a mother for her husband. And all because her role as a wife is filled with maternal functions. Whether in such a family there will be problems with an intimate life - I'm almost sure of this. Well, simply because mothers and sons do not sleep. And I can list a bunch of all kinds of consequences. However, again, I will return to the beginning - if this state of affairs does not interfere with the life of either the grown-up girl or her husband, this introject is not pathological for her.

4. If we started here about roles, then I would not want to bypass role expectations. An introject is essentially a requirement for oneself. And it's no secret that a person can make exactly the same requirements to others. And if we are talking about a dysfunctional role, then he will expect exactly the same dysfunction from the same or complementary roles of other people. Or the introject itself may be some kind of role expectation. “Daughter, a man, if he loves a woman, must give her expensive gifts,” says the mother from the bottom of her heart to her daughter, sincerely wishing her well and a good man. And now, a grown-up daughter is waiting for expensive gifts from a man. After all, if he does not give, then he certainly does not love. It couldn't be otherwise. And a man does not understand why a woman beloved with all her heart cries and cries (well, or scandals and cries - and this is also possible). And why does he set Klasha, Masha and Dasha as an example, whom their men gave them diamonds and cars. Is this the main thing in life, the man thinks. And he cannot understand what is the reason for the tears and tantrums of his beloved woman. And she cries, from the heart. And he sincerely believes that since he does not give, it means that he does not love. How does a person feel without receiving what they expected from other people? That's right, bummer, resentment, sadness, grief and a sense of injustice. And then he will get angry as it should - it also happens. Is it positive in a person's life? No, I don't think so.

5. An introject can be compared to a life slogan, a motto. He, one way or another, with a leit motive permeates the entire sphere of a person's life, which he touches, and sometimes adjacent spheres. And if the introject is pathological - again, a person will get little pleasure by living with this motto. And here you can again return to a boy from a family of hereditary teachers. And then his slogan will be “I have to be a teacher. I have to teach. " And he will put his whole life on it, because this is his meaning, his slogan. And, one way or another, this will be reflected in other areas of his life: circle of acquaintances, family, leisure activities and so on, so on, so on. Just think about it - to devote your whole life to "someone else's" goals? How does it feel to be aware of it? What feelings can such awareness bring. How does it feel to live "not your own" life? In my opinion, it will at least be very painful.

6. The presence of pathological introjects very often carries the danger of never knowing, feeling, not revealing their true needs. And this happens because the introject itself can carry the designation of a need, "imposing" a completely alien need on a specific person. And then all his life he tries to satisfy this imposed need, not giving himself even the slightest chance to listen to himself and understand what he really needs. And here, let's return to a woman who is expecting expensive gifts from a loving man. And she will blindly want them from him, wait, wish, because it should be so - they said to want gifts, which means that my need to receive gifts. And absolutely not to understand that from a man she needs something completely different.

7. Very often introjects in their very essence contain contradictions, thereby immediately, as it were, giving such a "Must" that a priori cannot be performed. Or a person may have 2 separate introjects that contradict each other and come into conflict. For example, I happened to meet with such a client introject received by a client from his mother: "All men cheat, but you must marry a faithful one who will not cheat on you." And here it doesn't matter whether it was one message or two separate introjects. Even after reading such a message, to be honest, you start to go a little crazy - it's very similar to "Go there - I don't know where, and find that - I don't know what." And a person lives with such a conviction. And he is looking for what, according to the same introject, it is impossible to find.

Well, summing up all of the above, we can conclude that such pathological introjects lead to displeasure from life. To the lack of choice - the choice has already been made a long time ago, and made, by the way, by another person. To sadness, resentment, shame, guilt and other not very positive feelings. Moreover, the introject is a source of internal conflicts, role conflicts, and very often completely real interpersonal ones. Try living your whole life in conflict with the world and yourself. I hardly think you will like it. And this is unlikely to make you happy. Yes, and so beloved by us, psychodramatists, the spontaneity and creativity of introjects as stereotypes are crushing on the root.

And while you read, I was finishing the second part of this article. And in it I really want to share with you what is the benefit of pathological introjects, where they come from and what to do with them. And if this is also interesting to you - wait for the continuation: “What kind of muck is stopping me from living? A little about introjects.