2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Everyone has their own image of inner strength and their own idea of what it is and how it manifests itself in life? Mask - I'm strong and cool - this is not about inner strength, it's just a mask that can hide tears and despair.
I want to tell you about the girl Nastya from clinical practice.
When Nastya was 13 years old, her dad died of a heart attack (40 years old). Mom, at that time a 35-year-old woman could not withstand the sudden blow of fate, and processes called "movement to death" started in her herself - she began to drink, and then simply left the house with drinking companions, waving a pen to six children.
Except for the old grandmother, Nastya, the eldest in the family, had no one else. So that the guardianship authorities would not guess anything and send them from home to a boarding school, Nastya, at the age of 13, went to work as a waitress. During the day, she took the kids to kindergartens and schools, she herself was in several lessons, and then ran to work. So a little money appeared in the house, with which she bought food, something from second-hand clothes. The economic situation in Ukraine is awful, but Nastya was happy with any tip and a weekly salary in an envelope.
True, she believed that she could hold out like this until the age of 18, and then take custody of the rest.
Three months later, a neighbor wrote a denunciation against Nastya - and the guardianship authorities came. Nobody listened to the old and sick grandmother, who could hardly walk. All were sent to a boarding school. But even there, Nastya watched and looked after everyone. She passed the ZNO and entered the technical school. But she could not go there, she was not released from the boarding school, because she had no money for travel, and there was no place to get it. It was necessary to wait for the 18th anniversary, there were already several months.
As a result, Nastya got into cardiology.
In cardiology, she confronted doctors with the fact that she has a plan for life. For the next five years, for sure. She moves to Kiev, studies to become a culinary specialist (this is her dream), arranges custody and takes all the kids to her place. Questions - money, housing, a lawyer, and so on - are in second place. She has a simple inner knowledge, she will find a solution, simply because she is looking for it.
Feel sorry for yourself, cry for life, suffer - there is no time for this. Nastya wants to implement the life plan that she has formed, broken into parts and spoken out. Nobody taught her this, she did not read about it anywhere (there is no time for books), she takes it all inside herself. Did she feel lonely? Sure. But loneliness was fuel for her, a resource for moving forward.
They laugh at her for her desire to be a cook, to work in a restaurant, to become a chef. But Nastya brushes off the spiteful critics, their poisonous envious words do not mislead her - she relies on herself, she knows exactly what she wants.
So where is the inner strength?
Very rarely, external circumstances develop the way we want. Hyperinflation, political catastrophe, closed borders - this is a big thing that affects us. And then there are parents, friends, wives and husbands who devalue, mock, envy, betray and deceive - and this also affects us, and this is also external circumstances. Because internal circumstances are within us, and many simply do not care about them. They don't care about themselves, because you need to prove something to someone, to convince someone of something, to deserve someone's love or attention.
And all these things - “ah, nobody loved me and therefore I am unhappy in my life; ah, they didn’t buy me a car and now I cannot fulfill myself because, what if they laugh at me”- they are not an obstacle at all. They are turned into obstacles only when it is necessary to justify personal inaction and irresponsibility.
Nastya's inner strength lies in the ability to continue looking for a solution in the most desperate situations, to be able to wait, set goals and achieve them, draw energy from her loneliness.
It is like an arrow fired from a bow - purposeful, overcoming air resistance, flying forward and leaving the past far behind.
The price of this inner strength is her heart. Because any inner strength has a price, the one who is afraid to pay - forever remains where it is now - in the position of an inner child or an inner victim, or in consumer attitudes and expectations "everyone owes me, and first of all, parents", life passes by, change doesn't happen.
Not everyone has inner strength, and you will not feel it in everyone. Of course, the mask is easier to wear, because it's free. And consumers love everything free. Absorb someone else's energy, resources and someone else's time, blame others for what they should - protect, provide, equip. This is about fear of inner strength, this is about envy of those in whom it is and who is able to realize it, not hiding from external circumstances, but accepting them as they are.
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