When There Is No Strength To Be Strong. Strength In Weakness

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

None of my men accepted and does not accept my weakness. He doesn't need it. He chose me, and I him, from a strong place. Where I broadcast my defense mechanism of survival - I can cope myself, I do not need help, I am self-sufficient, independent, strong and I can do everything myself.

I needed to be strong in order to survive. I am used to fighting, resisting, not giving up, not sitting still. Decide, work, do, continue to survive.

Many people in my environment - friends, family, men or just acquaintances - see me just like that. This is my defense mechanism. This is something that many times helped me not to give up and move on.

Previously, no one had ever accepted or seen me in vulnerability. When I am weak and cry. When I feel bad and hurt. After all, even these feelings, I could beautifully disguise and outwardly give out a portion of evil or irritation. To guard your impotence. My anger generated the same anger and alienation in response.

Some tried not to notice my feelings, quickly calmed me down. Like, this is nonsense, why are you here different. Devalued or even scolded - pull yourself together; stop crying; Everything is fine; there is no reason for frustration; you yourself are to blame.

I remember that weakness is bad. They may hit me harder there or even reject me. And I cried alone or to myself so that no one could see. A strange voice sounded in my head - pull yourself together.

None of my men accepted and does not accept my weakness. He doesn't need it. He chose me, and I him, from a strong place. Where I broadcast my defense mechanism of survival - I can cope myself, I do not need help, I am self-sufficient, independent, strong and I can do everything myself.

Parents and friends get lost if I start crying or share my weaknesses. They do not know what to do, they are discouraged, because even if I cry, then it’s quite a disaster. And they can do nothing to help and support.

Because I was not met in vulnerability and accepted, but on the contrary rejected. This is where I got hurt. To avoid pain, I have to be strong, no one needs my snot. Crying will not help me in any way, only my hands will drop. I rejected myself and did not accept weak. She avoided and protected herself from herself.

Several years ago I entered the Gestalt Therapist Society and started going to personal therapy. For me, a lot in life has become a discovery. Including the fact that the only one who accepted me as I am: in vulnerability, weakness, with tears is my therapist.

I was ashamed to cry in front of someone, I restrained myself. She defended herself, told stories, just not to touch feelings. But when this happened, no one devalued my tears, did not say - pull yourself together, something is wrong with your face. So I got the experience of accepting myself in different states and feelings. My old beliefs that I should always be only strong were collapsing.

Crying alone or, on the contrary, being covered with shields by an external force is good, this is familiar to me. But how damn it became easier in acceptance and support when someone next to you shares your helplessness, defenselessness and tears.

It took me enough time to become exposed to this vulnerability. Allow yourself to be unprotected around the therapist and alone. Accept yourself.

Now my weakness is my strength. Sadness, sadness, longing, helplessness, powerlessness, exhaustion, weakness and living these feelings with the help of tears next to someone is liberation. A surge of energy, which is replaced by a new living energy and resource.

My vulnerability is where I work as a therapist. With the help of my own pain, suffering, deep existential feelings, powerlessness, tears, I can meet clients and help them cope with their own traumatic situations. Support and share their feelings.

Sometimes, unfortunately, only the therapist can be the only person who accepts you anyway. Strong, weak, angry, vulnerable, in pain and suffering or in joy. This is very valuable. You get this experience and then you can learn to accept yourself more in your difference. Become more stable and harmonious.

We do not choose parents and relatives. We choose friends and loved ones, but we cannot change and demand from them what we need.

But we can well choose the right psychotherapist who can meet our basic needs and support.

We take care of our health, eat healthy foods, improve our body, feed the brain with new information, gain new knowledge.

But why do we often ignore the most important thing we have - mental health?