Instructions For Substitutes In Systemic Constellations: Feel, Do Not Think

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Any member of the constellation group can become a substitute in the systemic constellation according to the Bert Hellinger method - in the event that he is chosen by the person who makes his constellation

So what if you are chosen to be a substitute?

1. Remember - you can refuse. If you feel that the proposed role is somehow unpleasant for you or you are afraid that it will be too difficult for you (and most often it means that it is connected with something personal) - you always have the right to answer “no, thank you”. You do not have to explain anything, but let your refusal be as correct and polite as possible.

2. Do not be confused by the role to which you are invited. In the constellations according to the Bert Hellinger method, gender, age, appearance are completely unimportant: a man can be in the role of a woman and vice versa. A person can be assigned to the role of a child or an adult, a living participant or a dead, and even to the role of an abstract figure - Illness, Destiny, Work, Success, etc. The whole point is that the choice is based on the client's inner feelings, and not on the external similarity.

3. No need to invent anything. After the person doing the placement has chosen you and put you in some place in the space, some deputies start to panic: what if nothing happens? Calm down: it will definitely work out. The main thing is to calm down and “turn off your head”. There is no need to invent anything, just calm down and feel the sensations that will come to you. It is best to focus on bodily sensations. (I often come across the fact that deputies, sincerely wanting to help, begin to talk about some of their guesses, interpretations of the situation being analyzed, assumptions - about anything but their own feelings. In this case, it is best to ask them to focus on bodily sensations: firstly, they are often the most significant and informative, and secondly, by focusing on sensations in the body, the deputy calms down and more accurately reads the incoming information).

4. Be attentive to your feelings and sensations. Pay particular attention to the following points:

• sensations in the body (rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, weakness, etc.);

• feelings (indifference, anger, longing, desire to cry, etc.);

• impulses for movement (after the therapist's permission, you can begin to move if you want it, and the way you want it);

• obsessive thoughts, images and phrases. Even if you do not understand their meaning, what is so obsessively “asking for the tongue” is likely to be of great importance in this arrangement.

There is no need to be ashamed or think that you will be "misunderstood" - a substitute in systemic constellations does not express his own feelings, he is only an "antenna" for broadcasting other people's emotions.

5. Be prepared for the questions of the constellation. The therapist will periodically ask you questions such as, “How are you feeling? What changed? What do you want to do? etc. It is important to remember that the deputy:

• only describes his feelings as an observer, and does not add anything from himself;

• does not judge or evaluate: your feelings are important, not your interpretations;

• describes his condition, feelings, mood briefly - with one or two phrases, and sometimes just one word is enough.

In the event that in the constellation you have a desire to move, say something, some sensations - raise your hand so that the therapist will pay attention to you. Just like in first grade. 

6. Do not be afraid to participate in the systemic constellation as a substitute. The feelings that appear during the constellation are not yours, they are simply transmitted through you. Therefore, when the constellation is over, this emotional state will go away, even if it was very strong in the constellation. There is nothing to be afraid of these emotions, on the contrary, participation in constellations has a therapeutic effect, including for substitutes, if their role somehow echoes with something personal for the deputy himself (and this happens almost always, because the client chooses a substitute for a certain role not by chance).

Any person can be a substitute; this does not require any special abilities.

The only thing I would like to note is that it is undesirable to make an arrangement in 2 cases:

• when you've just done your own constellation as a client;

• if you are late in your pregnancy.

By the way, before participating in the systemic constellations as a client, it is recommended to participate as a substitute - so you will be imbued with confidence in the very method of systemic constellations according to Bert Hellinger.

In general, this is a very interesting experience that will be useful to everyone!