How To Forever Forget Someone Who Does Not Love Or Respect?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You have decided not to forgive your partner and are trying to forget him. How can this be done?

The first and very important point is to become the person who does not allow yourself a relationship with someone who does not value or respect him (for this, learn to value yourself). Understand that it's not that someone is good or bad (as a rule, in such cases, we all tend to demonize a partner). Perhaps, deep down, you still have a glimmer of hope for his kindness and warmth towards you, but give up this hope. The decision must be firm - you are the person who wants respect, warmth, support, pleasant relationship, and this has been decided. Your partner may not respect other people, but you must respect yourself!

Often, we cannot forget, forgive and let go of a partner precisely because of the feeling of injustice (“God, he treated me so unfairly, devalued me, did not respect, trampled into the mud, but I still knock this respect out of him, make me appreciate!”), and the question obsessively scrolls in my head:“What is wrong with me? Why do they treat me like that? I must definitely change the situation. You take the blame and responsibility on yourself instead of sharing it with your partner, because he also did his bit. Perhaps you did something wrong. If such a situation is not uncommon for your relationship, you need to look for reasons (you are used to the cold and devaluating attitude of the mother figure in childhood, and now reproduce this every time in a relationship with a partner; immediately instinctively find a partner with whom you will feel in the role of a victim and continue to fight for an unclosed gestalt). Note that you do not need to prove anything to anyone, the main thing is to know yourself, learn to value and respect, then there will be a partner next to you who is capable of the same mutual feelings.

Learn to value yourself in a relationship. When you are told that you are a wonderful, good, interesting, nice, beautiful person - take it! If you often find yourself in a depreciating relationship, you need to work on it. Sometimes the opposite situation happens - you have found a normal partner, but over time you begin to provoke him to devalue yourself, because you are used to devaluing yourself, not respecting, not appreciating. Moreover, your sacrificial position in your partner evokes a sadistic response, and you always find yourself in the conditional Karpman triangle.

Try to find an answer to the question "Why is this partner not suitable for me?" (and by no means the other way around!). This will drastically change your point of view. Try using a simple technique - take two sheets, write the pros on one, and the shortcomings of your relationship on the second; then rate each item on a scale of 1 to 5 (how valuable and important it is to you). As a rule, there are a lot of downsides, but it is important to take a real look at your relationship, and not in a nostalgic retrospective, when everything around you seems pink and fluffy (we walked by the hand, kissed, it was so nice - but you do not take into account that three months of your relationship, you suffered and cried at night). Review the cons list periodically. It is important that inside you, too, make a choice, because of what exactly you are tormented when the other side interrupts the relationship. It’s as if it’s not your choice, but you have to agree with it. However, in reality, somewhere within your consciousness, your unconscious also made a decision to break up the relationship, so ask yourself the question: “What did not suit you? What was so bad and influenced the breakup?"

Take back responsibility for your choice, because it is yours too! You may even be able to do it consciously. It is very important to say goodbye to your partner normally - sit down and talk calmly, discuss your relationship, and together you will come to the conclusion that you are uncomfortable in a couple.

Look for ways to dive into your unconscious choice, deal with it, talk to your unconscious (why did you feel uncomfortable around that partner?). Maybe it's the counter-dependent part that is afraid of the relationship, then you need psychotherapy sessions (the closer you get to your partner, the more you are afraid and push him away). At the root of the problem is the fear of merging, absorbing, losing yourself, for you, in principle, the relationship is quite painful, and you perceive a lot through pain, then all this will push you away, and then you commit unconscious actions that push your partner away, and he leaves. As a result, it seems to you that the person left you, but this is always a mutual decision, even if nothing was said out loud. If you manage to talk with your ex some time after the breakup, you will close the gestalt and realize that everything is fine with you, your guilt and responsibility were not there, you didn’t do anything terrible - you’re just different.

Be sure to draw a conclusion - I no longer want to be in a relationship where I am not appreciated, loved and respected! And then, based on these requirements, choose a partner. It is always difficult and painful to forget your ex, but someday you will experience this unpleasant moment.