How To Cope With The Loss Of A Relationship And The Death Of Loved Ones

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Sometimes the sudden marriage of a girlfriend or the departure of a close friend to another country is more painful than the death of a relative.

For most socialized and mentally healthy people, loneliness is only a temporary resource that we periodically resort to.

After such a short-term recovery, each of us remembers family and friends. Relationships are an essential component of our physical and mental health. Losing a relationship is a lot of stress and a lot of trauma.

Unfortunately, none of us can ignore the fate of losing a close relationship. The reasons can be different: from the decision to stop communication to the most tragic option - the death or death of a loved one. Regardless of the reasons, we experience the loss of a relationship according to the same pattern - the pattern of grief. T. N. grief work usually goes through five stages. True, they do not necessarily pass in such a sequence and can often be repeated or dropped out altogether.

The first stage is the shock stage. This is a state when, after the loss you have committed, you are not yet able to think or experience any emotions. The most striking symptom of shock is numbness. That is, emotional and physical fading. The intensity and duration of the shock depends on a number of factors: the significance of the relationship, the suddenness of their loss, circumstances, personality type. If this loss was due to separation, the shock will be shorter and less intense, but if the cause was the death of a loved one, it can last for several hours or longer.

What to do and how to help a person in a state of shock? First of all, you need to take care of your physical condition - help you take a comfortable position, give you a drink of water. It is also important to breathe correctly. In a state of extreme numbness, people are truly unable to take care of themselves on their own. The main function and purpose of this stage is to survive. If a person is in a state of stupor, or, on the contrary, reacts very intensely (sometimes there is hysterical laughter), it is worth resorting to the help of sedatives, but if the reaction does not stabilize within an hour, consult a doctor. The main task of the shock stage is to save yourself from traumatic circumstances by displacing them deep into the subconscious.

When the shock wears off and information about the loss gradually reaches consciousness, the first reaction of the psyche is to defend itself. How? Denial. Most often, denial comes after shock, but sometimes it can follow imaginary awareness and acceptance. The denial phase is characterized by certain thoughts and actions.

For example, breaking up after a long relationship. Even if it was a mutual and voluntary decision, it won't be easy at first. At the stage of denial, there are usually words and thoughts like "This cannot be", or "You are probably joking," or "This is all I dream about." Here a person can behave as if nothing happened - write, call, offer to meet. So we persuade ourselves, like children before going to bed, if they are afraid of monsters under the bed. Denying the reality of loss allows us to protect ourselves from the flood of hard feelings and stay sane in the face of catastrophic events.

What can be done at this stage? If this happens to your loved one (it does not matter whether it is a teenage girl after breaking up with a boyfriend or a relative after the death of his mother), it is necessary to very carefully return the person to the reality from which he is running. The key word is soft. This means that there is no need to argue or prove that a disaster has occurred. Your role in this case is to ask questions about what is happening to a loved one, and how his life will now change. You need to be very careful and patient. And it is better to send a person to a psychologist. Helping to cope with feelings is a psychologist's job.

If you yourself are faced with similar feelings, then you need to find a calm and empathic person around you and talk to him about your loss. It is important to be selfish and speak as much as necessary. The psyche will try to defend itself from reality, but it is through contact with another, through talking about loss that you can stay in reality and gradually return to life. The main function of denial is to gradually accept the reality of loss and get out of the inner torpor.

When the denial is passed, the brain begins to perceive what happened as a fact. And the natural feeling in this case is anger. While our brain is still trying to change something, there will be anger at everyone and everything. If we are talking about the loss of relations with a loved one, then anger is directed at ourselves, at him or at loved ones who had the imprudence to express their attitude to the situation. If it concerns the death of a person, then doctors, relatives, the state or the grieving person himself are to blame. Either way, it's important to be around and take anger for granted.

An important function of loved ones of a person who has lost an important relationship is to make anger safe for the person himself and those around him. How? First of all, it is necessary to offer forms of living in anger that are not associated with self-destructive behavior - not hitting a wall, but a punching bag, or sparring with someone, shouting in places where no one interferes. Living anger safely does not render anger ineffective, but allows it to be fully expressed in a social way. The stage of anger can be quite long, and those close to you should be patient. The main function of the anger stage is to react to the loss, but still not fully comprehend. There is a release at the site of the injury, but not yet full acceptance.

After the stage of anger, the loss finally reaches the level of awareness and a new round begins - the stage of depression. Sadness, helplessness, despair, fear - all this is fully and in varying concentrations mixed in the soul of a person who is experiencing a loss of relationship. The dominant state in this stage is loneliness. In a state of depression, a person does not hear and cannot accept the words that "everything will be fine", "there will be another", "he was a bastard" or "we will all be there sometime." The feeling of loneliness floods a person, and it is as if he is under a column of water, where the sounds of the voices of loved ones do not penetrate.

What does a depressed person need? He needs space for sadness, caring without further ado, and a sense of presence. Not the words "I am near", but the feeling. You can give it by being there when a person in depression does not have the strength for something, being a shoulder for support and insurance in case of problems. The most wrong thing to do is to try to "stir up" and devalue the loss. Otherwise, the stage of depression will be pushed into the depths of the soul and will come out later, but already twice as strong. The person who has experienced the loss of a relationship can allow himself to feel sadness and pain, the main thing is to allow someone to be there to help you.

The last and most important stage is the acceptance stage. It occurs only if the previous stages have been successfully completed. At this stage, the person says goodbye, lets go and comes back to life. The memory of a lost relationship continues to live on, but it no longer brings such pain. Good memories and a feeling of gratitude are often left behind. The stage of acceptance goes through two stages, and in each of them you need to give yourself or a loved one special support. The first stage of adoption is residual aftershocks and reorganization. This is similar to acute, but increasingly rare "bouts" of mourning. They are usually not spontaneous, but associated with events reminiscent of a relationship, for example, common dates or a sudden meeting on the street. Loss of relationship gradually goes from trauma to experience. Life returns to normal. At this stage, the most important support is presence and participation.

The second stage of acceptance is the completion of the work of grief. The main task at this stage is to return to life. If at the stage of depression the narrowing of the sphere of contacts and isolation is the norm, then at the stage of acceptance it is important to gradually involve a person in the life of family, friends, and the team at work. It is important not only to return to a narrow circle, but also to gradually expand the circle of communication. The loved one can help the grieving person adjust by engaging them in activities and communication. But it is important to be careful and not too intrusive. Recovery is not a quick process.

It may seem to you that the loss of a relationship due to separation and the loss of a loved one due to death are disproportionate losses. But the truth is, these losses are experienced equally. In both cases, the closeness of the relationship, the importance of the person and the suddenness matter. Sometimes the sudden marriage of a girlfriend or the departure of a close friend to another country is more painful than the death of a relative. Losing is an inevitable part of life, and coping with it is not an easy task, but a feasible one. Yes