2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The psychosomatics of self-harm
The child chews on his hand or pulls the hair out of his head or pulls the eyelashes out of his eyes. Despite the pain, he continues to do so. He does not give a conscious explanation for these actions, because he himself does not understand why he is doing this.
Let's try to figure it out.
The child develops an aggressive impulse directed at someone in the environment, for example, at the mother. But the child is afraid of punishment and does not give rise to this impulse, does not bring it to the addressee. But the impulse contains a big fuse of energy, striving for realization.
And then, unconsciously, the child turns this impulse on himself. I can’t knock my mom - I’ll knock myself. I can't gnaw my mother - I will gnaw myself.
And the question is not that the mother did something to make the child angry with her. And it's not that: how can you beat your mother? The child himself knows that it is impossible to beat the mother.
Now we are trying to understand how the child deals with his own negative feelings. And he treats himself mercilessly cruelly.
This way of interacting with the environment is considered interruption of contact. Because the child does not communicate his true feelings to the person to whom they are addressed. And he replaces this person with himself. And he does with himself what he would like to do with this person. That is, the child does not fulfill his real need.
In Gestalt therapy, this interruption of contact is called Retroflection (English retroflection - turning back to yourself).
Retroflection is at the core of self-harm.
Have you encountered such a phenomenon in your life?
How to understand psychosomatics
Your blood pressure began to jump. Analyze: where did it start? What event preceded it?
For example, we talked to a friend Frosya and fell down 15 minutes later. Do you often feel unwell after talking with this friend? What exactly did they talk about? What was it about the conversation that made you so upset?
Make a schedule: on the 15th after talking with Frosya - a headache. 20 numbers - pressure surges. 25th - spoiled mood. Obviously, this person is destructive to you.
We analyze further.
Are pressure surges similar or different from each other? If different, how exactly? Is the pressure going up or down? What are the pressure indicators?
Keep a Pressure Diary, where you record pressure behavior in detail. Suddenly it will be possible to find a pattern in his races.
For example, I talked to the boss - the pressure dropped sharply. What did you talk about? Does the pressure always drop after talking to your boss, or is this an isolated case?
Make a schedule: on the 15th, 20th, 25th after talking with the boss, the pressure drops. What would you like to say to your boss? That you press in yourself with such force that later you lie exhausted.
What feelings and words? Write them down. Do not rush to make your boss happy with your find. Alone, say this phrase out loud with the feelings that apply to it. If this is what you press, it may make you feel better from speaking.
Draw your boss on a piece of paper and say this phrase.
You will find a need that you do not meet. You can continue to choke on difficult feelings and get sick. You can correctly talk with your boss about your need, for example, about a salary increase.
The body draws attention to an unmet need by being unwell.
Do you agree?
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