2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What do we want from our children, how do we see them in the future - as adults?
It also depends on what is happening today, what we develop in our children.
Imagine your child with a vessel that you want to fill with a certain content. These are some character traits, skills that will allow your child to be successful in adulthood. For example, dedication, responsibility, benevolence, curiosity …
What is needed for that? What are your actions aimed at the formation of such qualities?
With all the uniqueness of each child, each parent, each family, the most effective ways of forming certain qualities in children can be identified. I realized this after many years of working with different children and their parents, and this is what my colleagues working in different countries and different social strata say.
Building a sense of purpose, for example, promotes such a principle of working with a child.
- You find out the idea of his drawing or building from the constructor and help the little one to achieve his goal. If the child is distracted or switched from this activity to others - remind him, help him return to achieving the goal.
- This quality is greatly enhanced by the reception with gifts. Discuss in advance with the child, and even more so with the teenager, what gift he expects for his birthday or for the New Year. Discuss the conditions that the child must follow to get what you want. Help him step by step to get consistent results. Do not give your child anything “just like that”, this technique will allow him to develop not only sense of purpose, but also the ability to plan work, the ability to want, acting, and not dreaming, “lying on the couch”.
Responsibility will be formed the child, if this responsibility is formed in him gradually, delegating at first minor powers, for example,
- remove the dishes from the table,
- help set the table for dinner.
Let it become his little duty, and if he doesn't do it, then don't lecture him. Just lament that "you have to have dinner without forks" or "the whole family has to go to work in dirty shoes" if the child responsible for the cleanliness of the shoes forgot to tell dad in the evening that the shoes need to be cleaned.
As a child grows, his responsibilities also grow, followed by responsibility for what has been done or not done. Responsibility for completing homework, for the contents of the portfolio is also formed consistently and gradually.
Be patient and persistent - show the child several times, remind the child several times, and then allow him to face the natural consequences. Do not act as I once did - I took forgotten notebooks and a form for physical education to my son's school.
Persistently and calmly refuse to "bail out the forgetfulness." Let the thought be written in him - "he must think about the consequences of his actions." I often see hurrying mothers dressing their first graders, fastening their shoes, tying their shoelaces. And the child grows up like a “flower in a pot”, not able to do anything, not caring about anything. And then "suddenly", like a bolt from the blue, the demand - you are already big, do everything yourself … but how to do it if you have not been taught? And the desire is gone!
Goodwill. It's quite simple here. Your child will not say hello at school and smile at others if you do not do it yourself. Do you greet your neighbors in the house, the saleswomen in the supermarket who serve you daily? According to my observations, adults do not always answer the obligatory greeting of the cashier, and only few people think of greeting on their own initiative. And the child, as has long been known, "learns what he sees in his home."
And the second point, which greatly affects the situation - adults often discuss problems in the presence of their children, and even emotionally, in a raised voice. The child has a habit of getting angry and irritated with others, not trying to find the reason for what is happening in himself. Well, how can you talk about goodwill?
And so it happens in our families that children become like their parents, well, or like grandparents, if their natural congenital psychotypes (genes, generic programs, etc.) coincide.
About curiosity - the basis of knowledge of the world, yourself, others, profession - of course, you need to argue separately. This is a big and interesting topic. If we talk about the influence of parents on this quality, then I would like to state with bitterness that most mothers wean their children from this property.
Yes! This is exactly what happens when we forbid a small child to explore the world. Endless shouts - do not climb, do not touch, do not walk, do not open … Mothers are afraid for the health of their children and therefore do not allow them to move, develop, learn to control their bodies, learn the world!
When a child comes to school and refuses to do work - I cannot draw, sculpt, cut, read - this is often the result of family education. He had already experienced a lot of pain when his efforts were devalued by those close to him, when at first he was not allowed to do anything, and then they began to scold him for mistakes, for wrongly done work. On a subconscious level, the child makes a decision - I will not do anything, I will not ask, it would be better to sit somewhere in a corner, maybe no one will notice me …
So we, parents, lay in our children different character traits, qualities that later help (or do not help!) People to go through life.
What can we do for our children now?
Take a notebook, draw a table: in one column - the desired results in the form of human properties, character traits, on the contrary, in the next column - what our actions can contribute to the development of these qualities. To what extent do the actions that we are taking now help in this work?
We humans have a cerebral cortex, which, according to the Creator's idea, was given so that we could find solutions that we were not taught in childhood. Let's use this tool. It is possible and necessary to educate children!
What can we do with ourselves, our ideas about life, about our capabilities? How to influence your actions, actions? Contact us, psychologists, specialists in parent-child interactions. The path to joy and happiness will become easier with an experienced guide …
Recommended:
Do Our Beliefs Affect Our Feelings?
How do our beliefs affect feelings and how they are expressed? Do feelings change under the influence of beliefs? Our beliefs affect our feelings. A person interacts with the world through sensations - this is how we receive signals from real life (through eyes, ears, scent, etc.
Are Our Habits Our Lives?
Often, habits are contrasted with the conscious choice of an adult to do something or not to do something. On the one hand - there is truth in this - we are free to choose and control our actions. On the other hand, if we controlled our every action, every thought, every choice, we would constantly be in a situation of stress and heightened anxiety, since there are a lot of external stimuli in life.
What We Invest In Our Relationship With Our Children. Real Case From Practice
The therapist explained what was required of the group. In general, everything was simple - the one who wants to discuss his problem, sits with a psychotherapist in the center of the circle and, in fact, discusses, the rest listen, then speak out.
Say A Word About A Poor Parent Or What We Bring To Our Relationship With Our Children From Our Childhood
Our ideas about the upbringing of children stem not so much from pedagogical and psychological literature as from our childhood experience. From those relationships that we developed with our own parents. We can relate to this in different ways:
Our Future Is In Our Hands As Well As In Our Thoughts. Affirmations
What is affirmation? Affirmation is a short statement phrase that, when repeated many times, fixes the required image or setting in the subconscious of a person. Affirmations use the power of positive thinking to help us achieve our goals and are like little reminders within ourselves.
