The Paradoxes Of The Decree. Part One

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Today I would like to write about what I have long wanted, but could not decide where to start and how to continue. My article is about women and maternity leave.

I am not a lawyer, although I understand the legal aspects of this topic. So I will not write about what benefits are laid down in the decree and what special rights young mothers have. I'd better write about paradoxes, it's closer to me.

Several years ago, when I went on maternity leave and gave birth to a son, I felt the effect of these "paradoxes" in full, and when I began to conduct coaching sessions and help women find their unique career path, I realized that many young people fall into the same traps. mom.

The first paradox sounds like this:

I'll go to work, finally get some rest

I confess that this thought took possession of me tightly in the second year of my son's life. I was at home alone with the baby, my husband constantly worked seven days a week and almost around the clock, friends and family were hundreds of kilometers away from me, and we saw each other from time to time … Besides, I was a nursing mother, and leaving the baby with someone it was difficult for a long time. In general, I'm tired. The simplest decision that came to mind itself was to go to work. I clearly remembered that before the birth of the child I worked a lot, also studied, but for some reason I was much less tired. The salutary solution is to return everything as it was. That is, you need to start going to the office.

How often then I came across the same "brilliant idea" from other young mothers, tired of an unusually long stay at home, round-the-clock seven-day work as a "mother". The essence of the paradox is that a woman thinks that when she starts to work, she will finally have free time and the opportunity to take a breath. But, as the song says, "there is one" but ". There will not be more time in the day, and taking care of the child and the house will not go anywhere. You will need to do even more, and where is the time for rest and "for yourself" - it is completely incomprehensible.

So, before chopping off the shoulder and rushing to work, it would be nice to think about what real consequences an early exit from the decree can have and how it is possible to avoid these consequences. And the most important thing, in my opinion, is how to learn how to recover and rest without resorting to extreme measures - the urgent end of maternity leave. Moreover, rest at work is an illusion.

Behind the request “I want to go to work” there may be a desire to finally “change the picture”. In my experience, for this it is often enough to get out at least to the nearest cafe or cinema once every 1-2 weeks. For some, a swimming pool or a shopping center will suit … It doesn't matter. Just being out of the house sometimes.

Another option is the desire to feel not one with the child, but to feel like a separate person, not to be an attachment to the baby. Think about what might help you get that feeling. Body care, the usual procedures alone with yourself … Also, who could help you. If you look at this issue broadly, there is always someone who could replace you next to the baby for a couple of hours.

Thus, if you see yourself in this paradox, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Do you really want to go to work, or is there some kind of unmet need behind it?
2. How going to work will help meet your need.
3. How else can this need be satisfied.

Of course, if the desire to go to work is true, and you have no doubt about this, it is worth working precisely to ensure that the exit from the decree is well prepared and gives you only positive experiences.

In the next part I will write about money, or rather money "for myself".