Who Is A Narcissist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The term "narcissism" originates from the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus. He was doomed to eternal love for his reflection in a mountain pond - as punishment for refusing to accept the gift of love from Echo, a young mountain nymph. The narcissist could never master the image he longed for and whose reflection he saw in the pond. Because of this, it simply withered and over time was turned into a beautiful flower. The moral of the emotional myth is that true beauty and the ability to be loved flourishes when compulsive and excessive self-love is depleted.

Narcissists are often self-absorbed and preoccupied with the need to achieve a perfect image (recognition, status, envy). They have little or no ability to listen, care, or understand the needs of others. This self-absorption can leave them without a true close connection with others - one that offers understanding, security and love in the mind and heart of the other person. These connections allow us to experience firsthand the difference between self-love and the love of another. Learning how to balance attention to yourself and attention to others is an important part of child development. … It is a fundamental life lesson that fosters reciprocity, responsibility, and empathy towards others. Unfortunately, this is sorely lacking in the early development of the narcissist.

The narcissist can travel through life displaying a cocky and flashy boastful ego. At the same time, without knowing it, he yearns, like all of us, for a unique, quiet and safe refuge in the heart of human embrace. The narcissist may show little or no concern for your needs and feelings. He wants only to receive attention at the expense of permissiveness and intolerance. But the truth is, he actually longs for a deeper and stronger connection. The narcissist simply cannot recognize, understand, or accept this need. Rather, he tends to view the idea of an emotionally intimate bond as weak and squalid. He considers his unfulfilled desires unacceptable, needs deceived. He only seeks your attention with charming and at the same time discouraging behavior.

The origins of narcissism

Once upon a time, this ambitious braggart was just a small child with his desires, needs and feelings (like any other child who comes into this world). Why did he decide that he had the right to be in the center of the stage, under the rays of exclusivity, where the rules apply to others, but not to him? Let's take a look at several possible explanations.

Spoiled child

One theory suggests that the narcissist may have grown up in a home where he was told, "You are special, you are better than others." Usually this is a house in which there were very few restrictions, and there were no consequences for violating the rules and boundaries. His parents did not teach the narcissist how to deal with or tolerate discomfort. Perhaps he was extremely indulged in everything. Such a scenario created the prerequisites for recreating such situations in adulthood and paved the way for the development of this completely spoiled narcissist.

Addicted child

Another assumption is that one or both parents tried to make the child's life as smooth as possible. Instead of teaching the child and developing age-appropriate skills to cope with tasks and social interactions, his parents may have done everything for him. As a result, he was deprived of his sense of his own legal capacity and taught helplessness and dependence. Perhaps he grew up feeling that everyone had a responsibility to take care of everything. Then he will not have to deal with feelings of hopelessness, potential humiliation due to a bad decision or the realization that he is a failure.

Lonely, deprived child

The most popular version of the typical source of narcissism is that the child grew up with the feeling that love for him was conditional and based on his results. Perhaps the parents expected him to be the best. They instilled in him the idea: to be something less than perfect is to be defective, inadequate and unloved. Or he was taught that love is conditional and depends on the circumstances. He was probably manipulated into believing that his emotional needs could only be met if he strove to achieve superiority. Perhaps his parents wanted to take pride in the child's achievements. He was forbidden to embarrass them with average results.

This scenario can be complicated by the different behaviors of each parent. One of the parents of such children often criticizes and makes them feel not good enough, no matter what they do. And then they can be dearly loved, overprotected or used by the second parent. The child can meet their demands and expectations in order to receive limited attention, avoid criticism and shame. In response to such deep emotional deprivation^[3], manipulation, control and silencing of his precious and vulnerable little "I" the child develops a certain approach to life. This approach is characterized by principles such as "I don't need anyone," "You can't trust anyone," "I'll take care of myself," or "I'll show you."

He was not loved for the kind of boy he was, nor was he guided or encouraged to find his true inclinations. He was not held in his arms, he did not feel safe and unconditionally adored. He was not shown how to try on someone else's situation or feel the inner emotional life of another. In his experience, where personal interactions were devoid of empathy, there was no role model. Instead, he was shamed, terrorized by a sense of inferiority, both directly criticizing and restraining emotional nutrition, and often physical warmth. He was made to feel that something was wrong with him, and the desire for affection and attention is a manifestation of weakness. As a defense, he gathered everything he could to protect himself from the pain associated with such life themes.

Prefabricated hodgepodge

You may have also found that “His Majesty” and “Her Highness” are best described by a combination of the reasons suggested above. Given the complexity of human relationships (and reactions), it’s not surprising that people derive their character from a combination, rather than one single factor.

Spoiled addict … Your narcissist can best be described as both spoiled and addicted. In this case, he will not only behave insolently and feel superior (not surprisingly, his family demonstrated by their example behavior from the series "we are better than others"). His parents always served and rescued him instead of helping him develop the necessary skills for independence and situational dependence. Therefore, the narcissist may feel dependent and incompetent. As an adult, he may act as if everyone owes him, and will expect adoration and indulgence. Or he may avoid taking initiative and making decisions because he has a basic fear of exposing himself to ridicule by exposing his limitations and failures in making day-to-day decisions in life.

Deprived-dependent.

Another combination that can characterize your narcissist as both disadvantaged and dependent. In this case, it is easy to offend him, he will also be addicted, needing confirmation from others of his superiority and control of his life. Secretly, he expects protection from others against a deep sense of shame due to his own defectiveness, loneliness and inadequacy. He may appear needy and oversensitive rather than demanding and boastful. He may show signs of addiction to self-soothing behaviors such as work, spending money, gambling, pornography, overeating, and so on. It can be called an expensive type to maintain. He may experience feelings of helplessness while completing a difficult task or be ridiculed in verbal skirmishes. In this case, his sensitivity to his own stupidity and defectiveness can either lead him into a tyrannical state of baseness, typical for narcissists, or cause him to disappear behind a stone wall of his quiet abyss / underworld.

Some experts believe that manifestations of narcissism can grow out of biologically determined personal characteristics. But most feel that they arise from a combination of early childhood experiences and biological makeup or temperament. It is important to note that many children grow up in conditions such as those described above without becoming narcissists. These children could have loving grandparents who filled the void. Teachers, guardians, or other role models could also implement healthy and adaptive disciplinary tools. Usually there is an interaction of biological and environmental influences in the creation of personality and character.

Wendy T. Behari. Disarm the narcissist. How to survive and become happy next to an egocentric