My Best Mom

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Responsibility. A complex word that strains all internal structures, responsibility for the one who was taught, who was brought into the world, for the one who believed you.

In this little sketch, I would like to turn to the topic of the so-called surrogacy in psychoanalytic psychotherapy and the problem of responsibility for the client. A huge number of books have been written on this topic, famous masters of psychoanalysis talked about how important it is to become a good enough parent for your client or not to get carried away with the mission of rescue, but to give opportunities for development and all kinds of growth. And it seems that there is nothing more to add about this. But still.

If we greatly exaggerate the work of a psychotherapist, in particular a psychoanalyst, we meet with the client, build his profile, define the personality structure as a functioning mechanism, identify fixation points and conflicts. And a bunch of this. So, what is next?

And then we work as a mommy, white, fluffy, kind, understanding and much more. The client brings an idea of his present self, that defenseless inner child who is very scared, hungry and terribly cold. We feed him from a pipette, little by little, so carefully. The broken attachments gradually manifest themselves, undergo the necessary changes, "grow" to the required level, trust is formed, a common reality appears, a holding appears in a pair, a fairly good holding on hands. The client trusts mommy's hands, reaches for her face with his little hands, catches every look, every gesture. He begins to be addicted and trusts his worst, his most frightening, conflicts. This is where the toughest and most merciless countertransfer turns on, and you really want to give up and move away from the baby, raging in its stunning rage. But God forbid us to do this.

A good enough mother always helps to accept, contented and narcissistic attacks to her baby and the aggression of pregenitality, she seduces to life, pushing her feelings into the background, in the eyes of the mother, the baby is reflected and gets an idea of his goodness, intactness. And then oedipus, and mom again understands and accepts.

And what about the therapist. Yes, no difference. A good enough therapist, if I may say so, contends everything, giving out at the output: “I understand you, your words are valuable to me. The therapist educates, cherishes and cares for his child, despite the fact that this client is often an adult, and that every good enough therapist has extensive experience in assessment, diagnosis, information about disappointing diagnoses and difficult conditions. He always carefully protects the "secret of confession", of what happens within the walls of the office, treats correctly any, even the most unsightly, experiences of the client, respects his right to have a personal history. A good enough therapist under no circumstances will cease to be a mother, will not let go, this is such a profession, to be honest in maternal love, albeit a surrogate one. And let higher powers take care of therapists who want to be good mothers for their clients and patients.