2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Very often, when we are told: “You have to …”, indignation and protest immediately rises in us: “I will not,” “I don’t want to,” “I don’t like what they are forced to do."
“You-must” is compulsion. As a rule, the actions that we must take are directed to us from those whom we cannot refuse. These can be people from both the past and the present. The past can be parenting that speaks within us.
“You-must” has two ways: to rebel or obey.
If we obey, resentment remains. If we rebel, mutual enmity persists for a long time. Both of these strategies consume our energy.
If we tend to obey and then seek retribution, we slide into the role of the victim. If we rebel and do in our own way, then we accept the role of a tyrant (although, perhaps, very veiled).
Whatever happens to us, we ourselves choose a certain situation and do it on our own, and not on someone else's will. When life presents us with a task, we decide whether to accept it or not. We are free, whatever our decision may be.
However, there are many things in life that we must do either in front of ourselves or in front of others. The transition from the phrases "I must" to "I want", as a rule, helps to fight not only with their "debts", but also with the "debts" imposed on us by others. We can be at war with circumstances or keep pace with them.
What is "I-want"?
"I-want" is autonomy. We independently choose our actions and attitudes towards them.
I-want has two ways: agree or disagree. If we agree, then we accept the consequences for our actions and are fully responsible for them.
If we do not agree, then we also accept all the consequences and are responsible for them.
Both paths will bring us personal freedom and new opportunities.
“I-want” is a mature position in which we take responsibility for everything that happens in our life. We do not blame anyone and do not take offense at others. Our reactions are us and others are not responsible for them.
When we start living in the I-want position, we fill our lives with awareness. Making a conscious choice to do things that we do not like at the moment, but we are doing them in one way or another, we have the opportunity to find something positive in this and even enjoy.
Deliberate choices can turn a bad day into a day of achievement. If applied from day to day to thousands of different things, a powerless and gray existence can turn into a life full of strength and skill. Inner strength grows by leaps and bounds, when your desires and your reality begin to coincide. It is enough to develop this habit in simple activities, and you can use this approach to solve serious problems.
And further. At the moment when someone obliges us with something, we must understand the motive of our “want” to perform the action. The motive will become the value, thanks to which we will not feel obligated. Often this motive may simply be a desire to please another.
Based on materials by I. V. Stishenok
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