Your Own Thoughts

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Somehow during a consultation, my question about whether a client and how exactly separates his thoughts and desires from strangers caused him a kind of upheaval, perplexity, insight that such "non-division" not only can exist, but also has place in his life.

Most of us received instructions from the series that you need to study well in order to get a high-paying job, in order for children to be born in a prosperous, wealthy family, which in turn is the most important thing in a person's life. And it would seem that everything in this chain is logical, correct and positive, but …

But following such instruction, a person may face the fact that, having perfectly trained, he cannot get a high-paying job. And a common reason for this is the habit of methodically following the rules, strict compliance with requirements, which prevents you from taking risks somewhere, somewhere to show unexpected initiative. And out of nowhere, thoughts come that you are a failure.

Subsequently, let's say, a good job is found, but it requires effort, and most importantly - time to settle down and prove that he is in his place. And at this time, thoughts come that behind all career questions, time has been lost for creating a family. It is precisely missed, because most of the acquaintances have had it for a long time. Relatives eat out the brain about this. And thoughts overtake that you are lonely and useless.

Fearing life-long loneliness, he grabs every opportunity to create a relationship. Creates. And he is faced with the fact that relationships by themselves do not exist, they require efforts from both. Excessive merging with the "other half" or vice versa, lack of common and valuable - squeezes, it becomes cramped. Tries to hide from relationship difficulties at work. But due to a negative attitude, fatigue, anger or resentment, his productivity also serves there. There comes a turn of thoughts that life does not bring joy and pleasure, or a general lack of understanding of its meaning.

A logical question arises: what was wrong in that good chain of instructions that were transformed into inner convictions? Which link failed?

It seems to me that the answer is very simple - the links did not fail. They were simply put in a certain chain by other people with their own aspirations and views. And the failure in this case occurred in the fact that the image of the person described above evaluated himself and his achievements, adjusting them to the time frame and in chronological order in order to comply with his or her “ideal standards”.

For example, by breaking down the pursuit of a successful career into subtasks, he might feel successful even with an average salary. Gaining experience and setting the following subtasks to achieve a more global goal - in the form of a high-paying job.

Not perceiving the creation of relationships as the second link in life, which cannot be realized until the first is fully realized, perhaps the career ladder would go faster, since the feeling of being needed adds vitality and strength to many people.

Without constraining himself with time frames and reproaches from others for the absence of a family, he would not feel fear for loneliness in the future. Namely, fear of something that has not happened yet. He could use this time and energy by focusing on the choice of a person close in spirit, interests, life values.

If it were not for the compliance with "friend or foe's standards", if not for the rush in pursuit of this compliance, then the lives of many people would be happier.

For this, it makes sense to learn to separate your desires from the attitudes laid down at the subconscious level. First of all, ask yourself a question: what you are striving for fits into the short phrases "SO NECESSARY", "SO EVERYONE" or do you need it in order to get something very specific and necessary for you? And, if your answer is embedded in the first short phrases, pause to figure out who needs it and what you need to do with it.

Believe it or not, but not everyone and not always manage to answer such questions to themselves, even after a lapse of time.

If you have not yet achieved something concrete in your life, or have not achieved to the extent to which you imagined, before considering yourself a failure, you also stop and ask yourself the question: is everything so bad and critical for you? Are you sure that having achieved, you will feel satisfaction and in what way it will manifest itself, what exactly will change in your life?

Such questions will not solve your problems, but they will even help a lot. They will help you figure out, firstly, whether your actions are at odds with your desires. And, if they do not diverge, then such meaningful pauses can inspire alternative ways to realize desires. Secondly, they will bring them back to reality a little, because a person who is dissatisfied with himself, insecure and anxious, tends to see everything in much more negative tones than he usually really is.

The creator of the system A. Adler wrote: “we are self-determined by the meaning that we attach to what happened to us; and there is probably something wrong with the fact that we put separate experiences as the basis of our future life. The meanings do not depend on situations, but we depend on the meanings that we give to situations."

Therefore, I would like to wish everyone to listen to themselves, to be aware of their true needs and, of course, to endow situations in their lives with the meaning that corresponds to your aspirations, and not other people's expectations, which take away precious time and such necessary strength.