Why Can't You "change Your Thoughts"?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“Any of the states is a thought. Don't like the state? - Change your mind (Amu Mom)

I decided to write about two of the possible reasons for failure in a quick and “for a long time” (realized, did and the change of state persists) change of thoughts.

Firstly, we are often "not aware" of what kind of thought flashed in our head and brought the state with it - this is the first reason. How to "realize an unconscious thought", except through communication with a psychologist - I do not know. We need someone "from the outside" who will patiently and persistently, in the conditions of accepting us, point us to "individual details." Do we always decide on this?

Secondly, we resist.

Each such thought is built into our psychic world, as an integral system. And it’s not so easy to “change the thought”, because the mental balance is then disturbed, anxiety begins, “the new thought doesn’t work”, “everything is not going the way I want”, “I don’t understand anything now”, “I didn’t want it (a) "," the psychologist does not help, but only worsens everything "and so on.

What to do?

We can REALLY change a lot in our lives if we change some of our thoughts, after the painstaking work of capturing them!

Such thoughts can also be called introjects.

An introject is an individual's inclusion in his inner world of views, motives, attitudes and other things perceived by him from other people.

An introject is not necessarily just something "bad". For example, the fact that I am a woman, that I am Ukrainian, that I am a psychologist, that I am a mother to my children - these are all my introjects too. This also includes ideas about my intellectual level, personal qualities, abilities, characteristics.

Which of our thoughts about ourselves is objective, and which are only our "illusions" - can be determined only in INTERACTION with other people.

Conscious interaction

A common problem is that a person often "knows" about himself only what he was taught in childhood, what he was convinced by those on whom he depended in childhood, whom he trusted, whom he feared, whom he admired.

And that "confirmed by his experience", which he received, unconsciously following the suggested introject! - and this is the key point.

Introjects can be as follows: "I am special", "I can do anything", "I can do anything", "let the world bend under us", "I will get everything, I just want to." And such: “I’m not good for anything,” “I don’t know how,” “I won’t succeed,” “you need to endure,” “you’ll go on quieter,” “I’m just like that,” “men don’t cry” and other.

But the main thing is that the personality and experience have all this! Because this experience has already been obtained under the influence of the introject.

Which makes "changing thoughts" very difficult.

Any similar ideas from the area extremes (from the area "Only this way and nothing else") - distort the picture of the world, interfere with self-realization, relationships and adequate adaptation in life and in society.

For example, when a creatively gifted and mobile child was taught that he was a "stupid", "troublemaker" and "brought the grandmother to a heart attack." It is also “not healthy” when a child is indoctrinated with the idea that he is “special” and can do whatever he wants.

And EVERYONE has such EXTREME ideas that do not stand up to the test of reality at all, but at the same time we have a lot of arguments in their "defense", and we stubbornly do not want to get rid of them.

We have accumulated experience that confirms all our thoughts - that's why it is impossible to take and get rid of all these ideas

After all, then you have to reconsider the experience! But why? - Why "stir up the past" or "poke around in their spiritual wounds"?

For example, a young man who, in his childhood, believed that he was “stupid and only interferes with everyone” spends his energy in life in accordance with this introject, that is, he receives exactly this experience. And if you change the attitude, you will have to reconsider your childhood, your relationships, raise feelings of anger at your environment, your abandonment and rejection at a young age; see your experience in a different light, and take PERSONAL responsibility for your life. Time consuming and alarming somehow, isn't it? It’s much easier to stay with the idea “I’m not good for anything”.

Anyone who believes that he is "special" is likely to live with the idea that he is an "unrecognized genius" in this "cruel world", where no one wants to reward him with wonderful virtues. Or to feel for themselves the full right to "knock out" the confirmation of their exclusivity from the world. Who will get rid of this of his own free will? After all, such an idea also frees one from the burden of personal responsibility.

Often people come to a psychologist exactly when they have a "breakdown of adaptation" - that is, an introject that existed inside (a group of introjects) crash when colliding with the reality of life.

Often we call "misfortunes" and "failures" the facts that our expectations are "how everything should be with me" (that is, introjects or thoughts) did not stand the test of real life. Rarely will anyone thank life for this.

And "changing thoughts", subjecting them to revision and sound criticism, EVERYTHING can "stagger". And family relationships, and contacts, and social status, and occupations and even health … Is it easy? Not at all.

In the "war with habitual thoughts", indeed, the number of "problems" and discomfort can increase. Although not always. Sometimes relief comes immediately, as if the load had fallen from the shoulders.

Therefore. I wish all of us to be courageous and patient on the path of self-development. And do not expect "when the dam collapses." And if it collapsed, then try to consider the benefit in this.