Fragile People

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Humans are like steel with a high carbon content - strong but fragile.

I started writing an article three times. Edited and erased. I couldn't find the words. It is impossible to write about violence easily. It goes through the lives of people with a loud step of screams, blows and scandals: leaving wounds and healed scars. It makes you clench your hands in impotent rage. To crunch teeth when approaching another person, even remotely similar to that image. But what is most bitter, it can burn days and months leaving a painful white spot in the memory. And life goes on, but intimacy in a relationship is still not available. The same human warmth that can heat, instead burns with pain.

The topic of violence cannot be circumvented in long-term therapy. It will appear and manifest sooner or later. He has many forms and shades: from direct blows to sophisticated humiliation. I will not be able to describe all the possible options in this article. Hundreds of studies of human nature say only one thing - it's in our blood. We by nature itself are prescribed to be omnivorous, aggressive creatures. But this information doesn't make it any easier. After all, violence continues to hurt. Children are in a special risk zone, and sooner or later they grow up and become adults themselves, starting the cycle again. And now we are not talking about psychopaths, but about quite ordinary people.

So, in the life of every person there was a childhood. On how a person was treated in childhood, his behavior and ability to adapt to environmental conditions and people largely depend. If a child was beaten in childhood, then in adulthood he will be more relaxed about manifestations of physical aggression. Not because they are not able to give change, but because such behavior is perceived as the norm. I repeat NORM. After all, the main people in their lives acted in this way: mom or dad, and maybe some other close relative. People around who say “maybe differently” are perceived as strange Chinese-speaking creatures.

I once had a chance to see a company of IT recruiters where the director of a wing used to swear at her employees and could beat her with paper rolled into a tube. Employees, two young girls complained to me that they had to drink Novopassit every day. The idea to quit my job was rejected right there with the phrases: "It's so hard to find a job now" and "Well, it's not so scary." I was scared to be there, but also vicious and disgusting. I cite an example in order to make it clear: everyone can get into a situation of violence. But how long he can stay in it depends on the internal concept of ENOUGH and memory resources. Perception and memory can play hide and seek in us. Every person has a built-in mechanism for forgetting about painful events. He allows us to fill himself with bumps and abrasions, and then gets back on the bike for a fun ride. So we get the opportunity to improve our movement skills, and not sit in one place in horror. In a situation of chronic violence, this mechanism plays a cruel joke with us. Even an adult can learn to be beaten. But is such a skill necessary?

Another way of developing a life scenario is also possible: when a person grows up not only despite the trauma to be strong, but also largely due to it. From the very beginning, he or she decides that the world is dangerous and in order for it to cease to be dangerous, it is necessary to become strong. They can withstand extreme stress for hours, engage in aggressive sports, reach confident heights in the profession and … not let anyone get close to them. Their tears are rarely seen, they have a confident expression and an upright posture. They are children from families of military men or alcoholics, teachers or drug addicts, they have one thing in common: hunger for tenderness. Tenderness that is difficult for them not only to express, but also to receive. Hunger for love. In adulthood, they will have to learn not at all achievements, but the ability to love and be loved.