2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Death.
Death death - strife.
There are people whose death does not make them suffer. The departure from life of such people is painlessly natural. You explain this by the fact that the life of any person is finite, and this particular person's life ended. And the point. And your further life continues to flow according to the same scenario as before, until the death of this deceased person.
And there are other people. Their departure does not fit into the understanding of the finiteness of being. Consciousness denies their departure. Their death causes a riot in the head.
These other people turn out to be very important people in the life of the bereaved person.
These significant people take with them something, without which a person remains, as in a vacuum.
After the departure of such significant people, they say: "Without him, the world became empty for me."
And the person begins to suffer - to grieve, cry, experience the grief of loss, deny it and even hate the one who died: everyone begins to suffer in his own way. And a person does not care what stages of mourning exist from the point of view of psychology, and what stage he is at now.
“The world has become empty for me,” is all that he knows and feels.
My friend buried my mother. Mom was for her the person with whom it was always light and reliable. Mom always had a kind word, when cats scratched her heart in moments of disappointment, mom always had "five rubles" in reserve, when her daughter did not have enough for new projects, mom always had time to "suddenly unexpectedly fell on her head without warning a guest -daughter". Mom never asked for anything in return, she did not say what was good and what was bad, she did not instruct or scold, she only gave her daughter her calm, stable, always available and never-ending love, which was expressed in UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. And suddenly my mother left … Light and reliability went away with her, and an UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE in my friend's life went away with her … Emptiness arose around her.
My friend buried her father. Her father was for her the person to whom she came when it was really bad. And he always met her with his eyes. She remembered this look forever - a look that said that everything would be fine with her. The acquaintance never really got upset in her life, and did not despair, because from early childhood, the first thing in any trouble she ran to dad in order to lean on his gaze. Even before he uttered the soothing, slow, quiet words: "Everything will work out, daughter," my friend saw in Dad's eyes everything she needed to know. Know in order to confidently live on. And suddenly dad died. Suddenly, from a heart attack, without explaining anything. And with him died OPORA, which was a reliable staff in the life of my friend … Emptiness arose around her.
Death.
Death death - strife.
People who are very acutely experiencing the pain of loss, who cannot come to terms with the impossibility of their former life without a significant person, have one thing in common. They exaggerate those good, important for them, features of a deceased person, exaggerate them to the point of idealization, dissolving in their memory any hints of human ordinariness, non-exclusiveness, and ordinariness.
That is, for people whose world remains empty without a deceased, for something it is necessary to exalt, idealize the deceased person and his image.
For what?
Why idealize a departed person? Perhaps this is a kind of protection of the psyche, which thus does not allow a person to collapse completely?
Because the death of a significant person confronts us with tremendous suffering.
This suffering, its whole essence lies in one word - INTOLERANCE.
Suffering consists in powerlessness to keep, prolong, restore life to the person who died. Who, during his lifetime, filled SOMETHING GREAT VOID, which was exposed after his death.
SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF THE REMAINING PERSON TO CLOSE THIS VOID AFTER LOSS BY ITSELF.
People who have faced loss, who idealize the deceased person, cannot realize that this emptiness is not external. This is their inner emptiness - the world around them has become empty, but this has a direct bearing on their inner world.
Powerlessness over time opens up before a person the awareness of the fact that together with a deceased significant person something more is lost than just the person himself.
Not only SOMETHING is lost, but also SOMETHING - acceptance for someone, support for someone, security for someone, and hope for someone.
Powerlessness confirms the impossibility of returning a deceased person, but opens up the possibility of creating what was lost in oneself.
Develop in yourself this SOMETHING that a significant person gave:
create the ability to accept yourself as you are, create your own confidence in the future, create inner hope for one's own strength, create the ability to understand other people.
Death.
All of us in life will have to bury someone in order to eventually find, WHAT was lost with him in his heart.
What have we lost with the people who left us?
And how will we remain in the memory of those living after us?
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