3 Tips On How To Ask For Help, To Be Helped

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

1. To begin with, you should realize that “they don’t hit the nose for demand”. This point is really important to understand, and, probably, sooner or later you will be heard by someone. The most important thing you must learn is to practice asking (again, again, and again). Be sure to set the focus of control - "I need to learn to ask!"

Once again, I will emphasize a simple but well-known fact - “they don’t beat in the nose for demand”. Why might we have this fear? In childhood, we could be punished, most often all upbringing boiled down to the fact that “you have to cope with everything yourself,” because mom is busy, not emotionally involved in your life, she had her own problems, anxieties, work, etc. (“Do don't jerk me yourself! "). If they did not react to the child's requests, pushed them away ("Leave me alone!" Accordingly, now you may have a firm conviction and fear that you may be beaten for the demand. However, in fact, you are not so much afraid of physical pain as psychological ("How can you ask this? Aren't you ashamed? Fu-fu-fu, girls do not want this, and boys are not supposed to ask for anything!"). Work through such childhood moments, remember what attitudes were in your family that were directly related to requests, what was the reaction of your parents. As long as there is trauma in this place, you will react painfully to any refusal. Here it is important to learn how to respond from the position of an adult, not to fall into the trauma funnel.

Hearing a tone similar to the tone of your maternal object (mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather), you find yourself in the place of your injury, return to the age of 3-5 years, again become a small and defenseless child, and you are scared from the fact that this person, whom you asked for help, will now do it with you. In adulthood, such a reaction, if you do not have injuries, should not be. In a healthy version of the psyche, there are no such reactions. You asked, you were refused and argued the refusal, if not - you find the strength to ask "Why is it difficult for you?", "Why did you decide to refuse me at the moment?" Having received the answers, you realized that the person's behavior is completely unrelated to you, he simply does not have the resource to help you now, there is no money, energy, etc. As a result, the person calmly experiences a refusal to help, and, conversely, with an injury or from a child's position he falls into his pain.

Remember, it is important to go and ask, not expecting that everyone owes you, everyone will help. Be prepared to be rejected and don't be afraid of it. The more relaxed and free you feel about rejection, the easier it is.

1. It is very important with which inner state you speak. If you are talking to the inner state of an offended and ashamed child, a child who was criticized for his request, who was refused, this is broadcast to your interlocutor. Traumatics broadcast their injuries very strongly. As a result, your request will be refused. Psychological pain can be clearly seen in voice, tone, behavior, facial expressions, gestures, in the way you sit or stand when you ask a person for something - all this is felt by the interlocutor. That is why you need to work on your early traumas associated with the mother's object, which did not give you something, refused, shamed you. It is best to work in personal therapy - injuries are quite a serious thing, which is difficult to immerse yourself in, and almost impossible to work on yourself. In fact, traumas are formed due to the lack of adequate feedback, which can be obtained in addition to consultations with a psychotherapist (in the transference for the psyche, the therapist is a mother). And until you have a state of inner dignity and confidence that you have the right to what you ask (not necessarily from a specific person), you will not learn to ask for help in a quality manner.

State your request with confidence, with a firm feeling that you have the right, that you are worthy of what you are asking for. Moreover, if we conditionally take the isoteric level and consider the situation from this point of view - when you can imagine that what you are asking for is already in your life (this is mine!), The more everything will turn out in the best way, and your request will be fulfilled (perhaps by another person and not in this situation - however, you will receive the expected result). It is very important during the request to feel whether you are ready to say “yes” to yourself. Everything is quite simple - if you ask and there is an answer “yes” inside your consciousness, somehow and somewhere you will find what you want. If you ask, but at the same time say “no” to yourself, everyone around you will say “no”. Work on yourself deeply, and there will be a result!

1. You need to understand why someone else should help you. This moment can be a little manipulative. For example, your request is addressed to a person who has a neurotic trauma, a sense of guilt before the mother's object (he / she was blamed for the refusals of the mother, father, grandmother or grandfather), respectively, he will not be able to say “no”. Another example - a person feels like a rescuer, lives in order to save, so he feels taller, cooler and better (in other words - I save everyone, which means he is a hero). If you find such a loophole, you can manipulate such a person as much as you like.

However, this is not about manipulation techniques. If you are not a narcissist, you will not be able to apply such a technique (“I have read it and I will definitely do it”) - it does not work that way. You either come into contact with a person, or you have these, relatively speaking, codependent relationships. Learn to refuse requests too if you feel pressured through guilt. Feelings of guilt are the easiest to manipulate, shame and fear are a little more difficult (the person shuts down). It is on these three feelings that people usually play with each other. Sometimes manipulation is based on the feeling "you will be a hero", as on exceeding self-esteem, self-confidence. Especially daffodils react to such moments - you are so wonderful, you do this thing so cool, and only you can I ask. As a result, the person blossomed, melted and did everything for you. An important point of this point is that you must have a relationship (manipulative, codependent, counterdependent - it doesn't matter). When you are in a relationship, the likelihood that you will be met is quite high. In life and in relationships, there is a rather commercial approach - "I for you, you for me." Many clients believe that we do not have to give each other money, something material, or, for example, “exchange” sex for money, give ourselves to someone else. In reality, we put our souls into each other, emotions, time, our attention, and this is also a very important resource! If you have done a lot for another person, listen to him and support him, and at some point asked for something, the chances that they will say “Yes” to you are quite high. If you rejected a person, did not hear him, did not communicate with him, you do not have any value, spiritual or emotional points of contact, common views on the worldview level, when the relationship is exactly paired, it will be more likely that you will be rejected. However, it's still worth a try - why not? For those people who sometimes do not even ask for help, the consequences will be very serious.