2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Codependency as an eternal run from oneself
Do you have a feeling that you are not living your life? Or as if life goes on like in a dream? That just a little more - a little bit and wonderful changes will occur, everything will change radically, but for now you have to wait or endure or suffer so that the changes are already like a reward?
The pitfalls of codependency are endless. Their goal is to lead a person away from himself, to disconnect from his deep self and soul, to prevent the transformation and integration of the personality, to prevent a person from waking up and becoming himself. And the longer a person delays in understanding why so much in his life depends on others, on fear, on control, on patterns, the less chances he will meet genuine himself.
A life in a mask could be forever.
What do you support in a person an escape from himself? And that means dependence on someone else's influence, on someone else's mood or opinion?
1. Shame to show your feelings, open up to them and speak them out
2. Fear of rejection, feeling unnecessary, lonely
3. Refusing help in all areas, asking for support is like admitting weakness or defeat
4. Devaluation of your feelings, which means feelings, experiences, personal past and soul
5. Distortion of reality, a person is sure that his mask, this is he real. It is in the mask that he builds relationships with a partner, children, and then suffers, because others are able to see his true identity, but he is not himself
6. Patience of pain, humiliation, insults, mistreatment, betrayal, which can last for years and decades.
All 6 points are toxic and dangerous, they are about the fact that a person steals something worthy from himself, the right to take better and more for himself in the moment of his life.
Wearing the mask "I am correct, good and comfortable, so love me all" is about the fear of meeting real yourself.
What is such a person afraid to see about his soul or deep self? That he wants to live by his own interests, that he wants to be openly angry and say no, that he knows how to defend himself? But you have to pretend to be an eternal victim of a tumbler, otherwise they won't accept, love and reject?
The mask has the ability to be imbued with the fears and energy of a person, it grows so much to the face and "comes to life" that a person falls into a psychic sleep and perceives the truth as something murderous. But in reality, the healing power is packed in the truth, and it is from it that a person is ready to run in the eternal wheel of suffering.
A fatal mistake in the perception of emotional codependency
Many believe, and pop psychology promotes the pattern that a person becomes dependent on someone else's opinion, loses influence on his life, has no boundaries and is afraid to refuse, because he had a cold and rejecting mother. She did not love him, did not give him, and now a person begs for this love, seeks out and for this is ready to endure violence and humiliation and devaluation.
The formation of this difficult condition is rooted both in the traumatic experience of ancestors, including parents, and in emotional disturbances that happened in human development.
Therefore, blaming all the bumps on my mother or looking for the culprits all my life is pointless.
There are three stages in our development - infancy, up to 3 years, and from 3 to 6 years.
And in some of these periods, in which we are very vulnerable, something went wrong. Not because we are somehow wrong or unlucky, there is something that is bigger and stronger than us. Circumstances of force majeure, for example, one of the parents in full health suddenly falls ill. And mom, so happy and joyful that a child was born, throws all her strength and resources to save her beloved one, without giving or having time to do something for the baby.
Or, circumstances of force majeure, all the happy anticipation of the appearance of a baby. Mom happily goes to the hospital, contractions begin and suddenly something happens to the doctor, he begins to humiliate the woman in labor or simply leaves her in difficult contractions, or what else - we cannot know what is going on in the head of another, especially if we are not able to understand own soul! And what seemed to be a happy event turns into a continuous hell, which the mother wants to forget about as soon as possible, but the long-awaited baby involuntarily reminds her of this again and again.
And the flow of love is stopped or interrupted.
And instead of finding in yourself what once did not form or broke down, find and fix it. Fortunately, we already have all the knowledge and tools for this.
We collect and accumulate claims to parents, then to a partner, to the world, to life. We stick to the mask “I’m so perfect, you have no right not to love me”, we get stuck in a child's position and do not have time to live our life.
We do not have time to unblock the flow of love to ourselves, to know ourselves as true and to allow our soul to go all its way.
Or are we still in time?
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