Run Where It's Scary

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In anxious situations, there is the temptation to run away or take action to minimize the disastrous consequences.

Feeling anxious is unpleasant. Avoidance in the short term relieves these unpleasant sensations. But in the long run, it does a lot more harm.

About short and long term prospects

Why shouldn't anxious situations be avoided?

1. Avoidance does not test the likelihood of disaster

Vera never speaks her mind because people will criticize her. She avoids speaking out and therefore does not know what will actually happen. What if they don't criticize her?

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2. Avoidance does not let you know what the consequences will be if a catastrophe occurs

Vera does not know what will happen if she is criticized. Is it so scary and can she handle it?

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3. Avoidance does not build self-confidence

Not knowing how Vera will actually cope with criticism, she initially does not believe in herself. Self-confidence is only strengthened by practice.

What if criticism provokes strong negative emotions?

4. Avoidance prevents you from improving your skills

You need to be able to respond to criticism, but Vera does not get into situations where she could learn to do this. Her skills are not improving and she may indeed misbehave, which will reinforce her belief in the danger of criticism.

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5. Avoidance only increases fear

Fear, which is not tested in practice, only increases in the end. It may start to spread to other situations as well. The fear of expressing an opinion in the work collective will gradually spread to other areas of life.

Most fears are in our heads and we need to deal with them in order to reduce their number or develop the skills to cope with them.

Avoidance is not just about getting out of a situation. Sometimes avoidant behavior can be subtle.

If you:

Read a book on the bus to avoid eye contact with other passengers;

Watch funny videos to distract yourself from disturbing thoughts;

Don't go outside without makeup;

In a cafe, choose a table in the corner;

Often ask a friend what you look like;

Prepare for the performance day and night, forgetting about other things;

Drink alcohol "for courage" before the event;

This means that avoidance behavior is part of your life.

All these actions lead to the consequences described above, and only increase the fears.

Give up avoidance, check your fears in reality. Maybe it's not so scary?