2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You know, I thought of everything myself! I planned everything out. And to say that I do not want this, but no, I really, really want to !!! This is my desire! I can directly feel how much energy is in me to do this. But! At the penultimate moment, I seem to pull myself out and abruptly start doing something else. I can go for a walk or go to eat, or immediately start doing something completely different
At a high energy level, when you know exactly what you want and are ready to start doing it, you run away. is not a “runaway bride”?)) An ambush is that she is constantly running away.
More often it is an unconscious, “underground” mechanism that we try to turn in secret from ourselves. When people already begin to cut through this peculiarity, they are very surprised at their own “subversive activities”. To say that this interferes with the achievement of the set goals is to say nothing.
In my practice, there were cases when clients forgot about the session, and they remembered about it even in the morning, then the memory turned off abruptly, and they came to their senses within an hour after the expected start of the session. Or they went to bed an hour before the session or left on important and necessary matters, completely forgetting about the meeting. If you think that this only applies to sessions, then you are deeply mistaken. In coaching and therapy, the way a person behaves in his daily life is simply more vividly manifested.
To run away at the last moment, and to run away completely without realizing what I am doing and why, is one of the methods of unconscious psychological defense.
And if protection, then it is logical to ask - from what?
What scares you so much that you have to run?
“If I start writing this report right now, I’ll make a mistake.”
“You can't do it as soon as you want to. Here is a picture of a future project in my head. We must wait. Desire should be like aged wine. And it is necessary to start doing when it is already completely unbearable. In this case, the chances of burnout are very high.
“If I do what I want right now, then I will finish now. And it's all over. Better to keep yourself at a high energy level, planning and anticipation."
But the problem is that the energy allocated by a person to one thing is spent on another. And that's all. It takes time and strength to raise it again.
"Until the idea is implemented, it is in danger." Dan Kennedy
Photo: Evgeny Kurenkov
If that's what you want, go ahead and do it. Otherwise, you will get the joy of anticipating the holiday, but the holiday itself will never come. Oops. And nothing.
But there are other options - something from which I resist so fiercely, sickens all the fibers of my soul. But I don't have the strength to refuse, take responsibility and send. Rather, I do not allow myself such a daring, desperate step. The conflict inside climbs out, in the end - things are still there.
If what I am going to do has nothing to do with my desires and needs, it is from the category of “must”, and it is not clear by whom it is imposed and why it suddenly became my personal “must”, (but the fact remains that this “must” at all does not correspond to the desires of my soul), in this case, unconscious flight will be a protection against meaningless and unnecessary actions for me personally.
If you notice such a clever way to get out of your chosen path, praise yourself. Awareness is the first and most important step. In therapy, as in magic, "by guessing the name of the demon, we deprive him of his power."
Awareness and understanding of one's own mechanisms is the point at which changes begin
The second step is to see why you are running.
In my practice, I have come across the following reasons for running away and not doing:
“If I decide to enroll in acting classes, it will be too much for my family. I have to spend time and money on providing for children, husband, parents. My desires are a whim. There are more important things.”
“What if I can't do it? If I start doing and don't succeed, what then? I will let people down who believed in me."
“If I do this and don't immediately succeed, I will disgrace myself in front of my friends and family.”
“Doing what I want will be a challenge for my family. My parents will never support me.”
Deflection is like a deliberate choice
Conscious escape is no longer an escape, but a retreat.
Psychological protection is a very important tool for the psyche, it is needed to get around sharp corners and not explode. Another thing is that most of the psychological defenses are built in by default and operate according to the principle - “when you burn yourself in milk, you blow on water”, i.e. somewhere they work completely inadequately to the present day and the only thing they protect from is from development and movement forward.
But if you understand that you actually have a lot of questions for this project and are not ready to start now or you are exhausted and you really need to switch and “deflex” - take a walk, get some fresh air, meet friends and buy a couple of new things - wellcome!))
But if your psyche is working against you, you have a feeling that you want one thing, but it turns out completely different, you repeatedly find yourself on the same rake, and you just can't start what you so desperately want, it's worth looking around and it is possible to unlock one of your usual defenses.
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