Don't Run From Your Feelings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Don't run from your feelings! Don't discount them! Don't divide them into right or wrong, good or bad. Do not listen to those who will advise you to forget, look ahead and say that everything is for the best. What can people even know about your feelings ?! Why do you allow others to know better whether you are exaggerating your experiences, whether you are expressing them appropriately

The most stupid advice that I heard at critical moments in life sounded like this: "you are not the first, not you are the last", "God does not give us anything that we cannot live", "we need to forget and live on." How? Explain, otherwise I'm not quite successful. I cannot, as in the movie "X-Men", press a certain button inside myself and erase all my feelings. From such advice, nothing good is added, except for the additional feeling of being wrong. In addition, at such moments you begin to feel like a burden, around which others feel uncomfortable. The despondent expression on the counsels' faces gives rise to a desire to run away from them. A feeling of guilt is added to the appendage for the fact that you unwittingly burden those around you with your grief.

Around everyone strives to compare your misfortune with some incident from life and, against the background of this, to show the insignificance of experiences. To devalue, underestimate, dissolve in the depths of suffering on a universal scale. Habitual conversations, jokes - as if there was nothing. It is then that you begin to feel like an alien that no one understands at all. There is a feeling of being suspended, bewildered. It seems that you have not died, but you also do not live. Everything seems to be fine, but there is not enough air in the chest. It seems that you need to go further, but the ability to walk has disappeared. You feel like a stranger in the world of once close people. You are like a bird that has been deprived of its wings: you want to take the height like an eagle, but you have to jump on the asphalt like a sparrow.

How to kill pain? How do I stop feeling? How do you learn to live with it? Questions, questions, questions … And you do not know the answer to any of them. You start to feel ashamed of your feelings and want to destroy them. It seems to you that others know better whether it is appropriate now to scream in pain. Others know better that your pain is not strong enough to become depressed. Others try their best to help you, but you do not value their efforts. We must forget. We must disappear and not interfere. Probably, I am somehow not like that and I anger God with my feelings. A defective fool, I have been running around with my pain for a month. Something is wrong with me.

How can someone else know about the depth of our experiences, if we ourselves begin to devalue them. Why do we allow others to judge the depth of our pain? Tell me, do you know exactly whose pain is stronger: the woman who lost her baby at 10 weeks of pregnancy, or the one who lost her baby at 40 weeks? You know? Me not. I have no idea how a woman feels when her baby is 10 weeks old. But I know exactly what it means to hear at 40 weeks that the baby is no longer breathing. I am sure that the “comforting” will say to a woman who lost a child at an early stage: don’t worry, thank God, even though she didn’t experience any movements inside, she didn’t have time to get used to her failed motherhood. But just imagine if it happened later - this is grief! And now - no, you will survive, young, you will give birth to 5 more. If the grief happened at a late date, and there are painkillers of their own: it's good that I didn't have time to take it in my hands, look in my eyes, otherwise it would be painful. And now - no, you will survive, you will give birth to 5 more. And if she gave birth and died a baby soon? Also, do not dramatize: cry and live on, thank God that I did not see how she grows, smiles, cries, calls her mom. This is scary. And now you can handle it.

Yes, maybe I'll give birth to five more! And of course I can handle it. But I will always have one less child, no matter how much I give birth. Don't talk nonsense, please !!!

Always like this. Lost an adult child - accept it, a neighbor over there buried three and nothing, holds on, lives on the sly, and you can handle it. Why? How do you know what is going on in the soul of another? Why do we allow others to decide how our feelings differ from those of others? The worst thing that can be done in this situation is to compare experiences, give them a subjective assessment, devalue them. With this support, you force you to pretend to be insensitive. You force yourself to convince yourself that there is no time to cry, to admit your feelings are insignificant, to deprive yourself of the experience of living in pain.

Our "excessive vulnerability" is normal, taking into account our personal history, individual differences from others and cannot be different.

Ashamed of our feelings, we close ourselves off from the world around us, because we know for sure that we will not find true understanding there. I want to disappear so as not to interfere with others, to give free rein to my pain. Because you can't fool yourself. We know for certain what we feel and, no matter how we tell ourselves that it doesn’t hurt, it’s not so. It hurts, scary, incomprehensible…. Feelings rush out. They are heard with heart-rending screams. Not even a cry, but a dull roar. I would like to growl from impotence and misunderstanding. Why is all this to me? For what? Help, at least someone to cope with this. Just be there, just listen! I can’t, I don’t know, I don’t understand. I have no experience with such feelings, but they talk about humility around me. They would teach you how to do it. Nowhere to go, nobody understands, nobody can explain. It seems that the walls are narrowing around, and there is no space around. It shrinks and reaches the very throat, gets stuck there in the form of a lump. There is still no prospect ahead. It seems that life is divided into two fragments: before and after.

What to do with painful experiences that are firmly entrenched inside, which continually flare up in the mind and do not allow to live normally? Is it okay to talk openly about your painful experiences at all?

Anger, resentment, which have been hidden and denied for a long time, will certainly remind of themselves in due time. Restraining your feelings is like strangling yourself. If a bodily wound is not treated, but you try to close your eyes to it, wrapping it tightly with a bandage, then it begins to fester and causes even more irreparable harm to the entire body. An attempt to devalue resentment, pain, fear is a way to turn them into the depths of your unconscious. It's the same wound, but emotional. Emotional infection over time will certainly manifest itself in the form of various addictions, depression and unacceptable behaviors.

Don't let others discount your feelings. No one will ever be able to feel your pain the way you do. Showing your feelings is a function of a healthy psyche. Timely release from the burden of feelings allows us to harmoniously move on in life. We are living people. We are all different. You shouldn't be allowed to measure your feelings with a common ruler and tell us where it hurts and where it doesn't. Our personal pain is our personal history and personal experience of their living. Let it be incomprehensible to someone, let them be perplexed, but every feeling has the right to life. Do not prove anything to anyone. Each person lives in his own psychic reality, which is created from his beliefs and personal experience. The best way to assert your rights to feelings is to accept yourself, to allow everything to happen in the fullness that we need.

Each of us is higher, wider, deeper than what he can reveal himself and, moreover, what the people around us know about us. It is necessary to accept yourself with all feelings, no matter how difficult they are, to give yourself the right to love yourself and permission to experience the full depth of feelings. To sink to the bottom with them, to feel the fear, cold and loneliness around, so that later there will be a desire to push off and start to rise.

Explain what is the point of creating your life further if you do not love yourself with all your feelings and deny part of your personality. How to live with what you do not love in yourself?

One must feel and live guided by feelings. Bad means bad. Scary is scary, not "it seemed." Each feeling has its own name and its own power. To deny them is to deny yourself, to deprive yourself of integrity.

Hiding undesirable feelings in the depths of our subconscious, displacing them from our experience, declaring them banned, we risk meeting them again and again in the most primitive form. No matter how we strive to forget difficult memories, they stubbornly rush into our lives as uninvited guests. Our Shadows are looking for a way out, want us to recognize them.

How to get rid of Shadows? They don't get rid of the Shadows, they don't fight with them. To make it more visible, you need to add light to the darkness. And she herself will disappear. We must recognize its right to life and get it out of the backyard of memory.

Can the pain be forgotten?

She is part of our life. And the way we are now, to a greater extent, we owe our feelings. For some, they may seem negative and scary, but they give us a signal about what we really want, what we need. Our feelings are the point of our growth and transformation, our painful experience. And our future life depends on how we live this experience, how we openly declare our rights to OUR feelings, how we will be able to take care of ourselves, bypassing the point of view of others. Our pain is not eternal, although it is experienced as a day in three. We are still moving up. The darkest time of the day is before dawn.

Don't run away from your feelings. Live them the way you want, not how "normal people" should feel. Accept yourself completely and don't be ashamed of the intensity of the experience. You are not obliged to prove to anyone your right to feelings and explain why you are in pain and how your case differs from the experience of “normal people”. It is simply yours, and no one else can understand it the way you feel. Only you decide how long it takes for you to accept your pain, let it in and let it go with ease. Never listen to those who say it's time to pull yourself together and tune in for the best. You can only let go of painful feelings by accepting them. Accept, live through words, tears, terrible pain, physical actions. Live at your own pace, give freedom to this energy. As with poisoning: vomit all the poison out. Completely, to the feeling that there is nothing more to suffer with, to the feeling that they have been turned inside out, to a state of powerlessness and emptiness. When there are no more tears left to cry, when the wound stops hurting. It will never disappear, and you will not erase it from your memory. To be healed is not to forget. This is to remember, but without pain.

And something new will burst into the resulting emptiness, which will be of value only in new conditions. A new life will begin. It will not be better or worse than the previous one. It will just be different. From time to time, old wounds will remind of themselves with a dull pain, but you no longer make claims to anyone, do not blame. You calmly trust the world and just know that everything that comes into our life is not accidental and for the good.

Time will pass. For someone it will be weeks, for someone months, and for someone - years. There are also no rules here. Everyone walks at their own speed. Each of us has different starting conditions and life experiences. It takes time to get to your feet and push off the bottom. Maybe a lot of time. Walk at your own pace, because this is only your path. There is no common rhythm or destination. Let everyone be special and unique.

And if in a difficult situation it will be necessary to act the way you want it, and not the way others want from you, do it. Don't think what people will think or what you will look like. We are entitled to respect for our feelings. The right to be authentic. Be real.

Living a fulfilling life means allowing you to feel pain and being able to enjoy life. If you deprive yourself of this opportunity, then something in life is going wrong.

All this interferes with BE. It gets in the way of remembering that the place where the breath of life takes place is HERE and NOW.