2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It happens that our loved ones verbally support us in our endeavors and desires. I repeat - in words. On the contrary, their actions create obstacles.
For example:
You stayed too long on maternity leave and tell your husband that you want to go to self-development courses, fitness, or find a part-time job. The husband says something like this: “It's great that you decided to do this! I also don't like that you spend so much time at home. I will sit with the child when you have courses (fitness, interviews, meetings with friends). You are preparing for a change, but … You will find out that he is late at work, stuck in a traffic jam, etc., when it’s too late to look for someone to leave the child with. And where to go - stay at home, do not leave your baby alone … Such force majeure happen every time you need to leave.
Your parents can support your desire to find a new job. But before every interview, something happens that makes you rush to them. This may be the case before each of your dates.
You decided to go to therapy, discussed it with your relatives, they support and encourage you, but … Stably at the same time - when you have a consultation, your relatives need your urgent help.
Formally, no one forbade you anything, but in fact you are not allowed to do what you want. It's not about the cunning of relatives. In most cases, this behavior is dictated by their unconscious, which resists change. Such resistance makes a poor person, who suddenly received a large sum, very quickly lose everything and live as before.
The fact that you change something in your life and in yourself means a change in their life. What happens if the wife turns from an insecure, slightly out of shape stay-at-home into a spectacular successful woman? What happens if instead of the dull penny job that your parents are used to, you have a well-paid and interesting job? It will be different, it will not be as usual, and there will be resistance from the unconscious and attempts to return “as it was”.
Intellectually, your family, of course, understand the benefits of such changes, including for themselves. On a conscious level, they want you to succeed. But sometimes the unconscious commands the parade.
Your unconscious is also afraid of these changes. And “obstacles” on the part of loved ones can become an excuse not to change anything. You can justify yourself by trying, but … and do nothing.
Also, you can find a way to get around the prohibitions, which are not even obvious. For example, you can not tell your parents that you are going for an interview (you will tell when you will get a job), hire a nanny so that your husband's force majeure does not prevent you from implementing your plan, leave the house 10 minutes earlier in order to have time to comfort your child and at the same time arrive on time … Over time, everyone will get used to the changes and wonder how you could have lived differently.
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