2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why do we need installations? First of all, so that you can quickly navigate the emerging life situation and, without spending extra energy and effort, solve it, get out of it, or continue to be in it in the most optimal way for us.
In transactional analysis, there is a concept of “life scenario” that is similar in meaning. But, if the life scenario is nothing more than a kind of canvas along which our whole life will unfold, then the installation, in turn, is the driving motivational mechanism that triggers and determines our activity and activity. Attitude is what includes and determines our activity and the way we act in a particular social situation of our life.
In the process of our interaction with the world around us, we develop a certain set of actions that allows us to most effectively manage our lives. And when our leading attitude is brought to automatism, it no longer requires a lot of energy and effort to implement this or that type of behavior. The installation, as it were, "turns on" automatically, thereby stimulating us to act in one way or another.
The formation of a particular attitude in a child can occur in various ways.
The first way is the way of observation. A child, observing his parents or other authoritative adults, simply copies their driving mechanism, which, in turn, will determine the way he behaves in certain situations.
Pros: this is the easiest and least costly (in terms of psychic energy) way of forming an attitude.
Cons: the attitude copied in this way can completely contradict the characterological characteristics and potential capabilities of the child, and in the future can cause various negative psychological experiences.
The second path is the "try and error" path. A child, finding himself in various situations, tries out different ways of including in these social situations, as well as behavior in them, and as a result, stops at the most effective ones, which, as a result, becomes his main attitudes.
Pros: as a result, the most appropriate and effective attitudes remain, which are most consistent with the psychological organization of the child's personality.
Cons: sometimes this path requires a huge expenditure of mental energy and effort, it can be accompanied by disappointments and other negative reactions if something does not work out.
The third path is the path of learning. A child, guided by the instructions of adults and relying on their support, develops his own plastic driving mechanism, which can change depending on the situation.
Pros: The most effective way to develop child-friendly attitudes, provided that parents take into account the characteristics of their child, providing him with sufficient, but not excessive support and giving introductory instructions, but not ready-made recipes.
Cons: parents can take too much care of their child, offering him ready-made recipes and solutions, leaving no space for his own experiments, thus narrowing the area of his personal development and improvement.
The attitudes that help us manage our lives, in fact, can be cleaned up a great many. Moreover, each of us has a unique set of different installations at our disposal.
Let's consider the most common ones.
"I must be the first!" It is good to be the first, and sometimes it is even very useful, because when we teach a child to win, we form a prerequisite for the development of healthy competitiveness in adulthood. But if a child blindly follows this attitude, focusing his attention only on his victories (while receiving enthusiasm and praise) without understanding that someone at this time became different and third, etc., we can educate, as a result, selfish narcissistic personality. And one can only imagine what such a child will have if he suddenly loses, that is, he becomes not the first … Probably one of the most important things that parents of a 5-6-year-old child should teach is to teach him how to play. He must learn to win without humiliating the other, and to lose with dignity, without feeling humiliated at the same time.
“I have to do it, no matter what!”. An attitude that helps to cope with difficult tasks, solve complex problems, which allows you to bring the work started to the end. But! well done ") you also need to teach the child to differentiate the prerequisites:" It is necessary / not necessary to do it! " and "I really want / don't want to do this!" For example, if “it must be done, but I don’t want to do it,” then you need to help the child understand why it still needs to be done, or turn an unloved activity into an exciting game (for example, collecting scattered toys for distillation). At the same time, it is worth pondering, maybe there really are things that you really don't want to do, and which can still be postponed until "tomorrow"?..
"You can't be afraid!" An installation that allows you to maintain composure and calmness even in the most unforeseen and extreme situations. An installation that allows you to quickly navigate, think and make lightning-fast decisions. An attitude that allows, despite fear and danger, to achieve goals and go forward. But when we teach a child masculinity and courage, we should not forget that fear is still a physiological reaction of the body to danger. And this reaction, although you can learn to control, but in no case can be ignored …
"We need to be in time for everything!" But really: life is so interesting, there are so many unusual things around, you need to try so many things, you need to do a lot of things, solve a lot of issues. You definitely need to hurry to live, otherwise you really won't be able to do anything!.. This is certainly true, but the catch is that in such a hurry there may not be time at all to just enjoy this life … You need to teach your child not only to run fast in life, (in order to do a lot, do a lot, try a lot), he must also be taught to stop … He must be taught to admire the sunset and sunrise, enjoy the breath of the warm spring wind, enjoy the calmness and silence, appreciate the warmth of simple human communication and closeness …
Thus, in order for a child to live a full life, we, parents, need to teach him not only to eat, dress, read and write on his own, but also to confidently manage his life, enjoy it, and just live happily!
Recommended:
"To Live Happily Is To LOVE And WORK" S. Freud
"To live happily is to love and work" Z. Freud However, many literally understand this dictum of the founder of psychoanalysis and try to kill two birds with one stone: to combine love and professional life. Where to begin? Find love at work or build a career out of love?
How To Allow Yourself To Live Happily In Any Situation?
Recently, I was very happy with a duodenal ulcer, because the diagnostician said that everything is very bad, and in my position the first thought was about metastases or the progression of oncology. The doctor delayed the answer and asked me to go out the door.
Are Our Habits Our Lives?
Often, habits are contrasted with the conscious choice of an adult to do something or not to do something. On the one hand - there is truth in this - we are free to choose and control our actions. On the other hand, if we controlled our every action, every thought, every choice, we would constantly be in a situation of stress and heightened anxiety, since there are a lot of external stimuli in life.
How To Teach A Child To Kindergarten. 5 Tips For Adapting Your Child To The Garden
In this article I would like to raise a topic that is relevant to many: "How to help a child adapt in the garden." The topic is really important, because all good parents strive to ensure that the child is socialized, so that he enjoys communication and interaction with other children and people.
Say A Word About A Poor Parent Or What We Bring To Our Relationship With Our Children From Our Childhood
Our ideas about the upbringing of children stem not so much from pedagogical and psychological literature as from our childhood experience. From those relationships that we developed with our own parents. We can relate to this in different ways:
