Something Like Psychotherapy: Frequently Asked Questions And Honest Answers

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

To the question: “What is psychotherapy and how does it work?” Each psychotherapist and psychologist will answer you differently. The idea to write this note was prompted by a client who asked a very important, in my opinion, question: what are we going to do here and how does psychotherapy take place?

As my practice progressed, I stopped asking this question and got used to just doing psychotherapy, as I feel and see it. It really works and works well. But it is very important to understand that the clients of a psychologist are often people who have nothing to do with psychology. And everything I do is a dark forest for them, incomprehensible and confusing. When I heard this question, I thought that understanding what is happening is an important condition for trust and security. And here I am, writing to you my thoughts about what is psychotherapy.

Let's start with the fact how psychotherapy differs from consulting a psychologist … I wrote a little about this in another article, but repetition is the mother of learning.

Psychological consultation - this is working with the situation here and now, with your emotions in it and the search for solutions. This is a very cool thing if you need to quickly make an important decision, understand what is happening and take the burden off your soul. Consulting a psychologist can do all this. The counseling process can last from 1 to 10 meetings. It all depends on your request.

During consultations, I devote time to two main tasks - to give the client support and help him find a solution. It helps both to ease the morale, and to come to several solutions.

Psychotherapy the same - the process is deeper and more complex. It works with something that torments you all your life, or at least for a long time. The psychotherapist, depending on the method, works with your past, your deep feelings and does it longer than the consultant. I will share my work experience.

Psychotherapy needs a longer time. It takes time for deep work with your subconscious mechanisms to be safe and effective. The psyche usually builds a complex structure of defense mechanisms (denial, repression), which categorically cannot be “broken”. They need to be very carefully examined and removed when the psyche is ready for this. They didn't appear there for nothing.

When the protections are removed, the very deep causes of your current problems appear. Working with each of them is a separate plan and a separate layer. For example, mistrust in a relationship. When faced with this problem, I think about who betrayed the client and when. How did the client cope then, and what is he doing now so as not to be betrayed again? What emotions are safe for him now and what are not? How much trust is available to the client? What are his needs in a relationship and what can I do so that through me he learns to be in a safe contact for himself?

The answer to each of these questions is a separate study of your story. At times, the therapist's questions may seem strange or silly. But after all, everything that happens in your life is something that I, as a therapist, do not know about you. And every little thing that you no longer take seriously may be the very reason.

When the research stage is passed, the work stage begins. In my practice, these are deep immersions in the experience with the adoption of new decisions. This is the living of those difficult events of yours that were then, in contact with me and with my protection. Don't be alarmed, living this way - it works like rewriting your experience. Then you do not make a decision about living in panic and despair (for example, "I will never open up to men again"), but make a conscious choice of a pre-agreed and safe model of behavior for you. A model that rests on the situation. Such immersions do not happen every session so that you have time to accept new experiences and experience them in life. In between dives, we talk about how your new decisions and new feelings, new choices and strategies are working now. We will correct them, analyze and improve them.

As you can see, psychotherapy is a whole journey. How long can it last? Maybe several months, maybe several years. Depends on the degree of "injury" of the client. I would gladly promise you an easy and quick solution to deep problems, but that would be a lie. It is unlikely that the experience of violence for many years…. or a complete lack of a sense of self-worth … or psychosomatic illnesses - this is hardly a job for 5 meetings.

While preparing this article, I have compiled a FAQ about psychotherapy:-) I give answers based only on my personal considerations and experience:

So:

Why is psychotherapy needed?

Psychotherapy is needed in order to get rid of the consequences of past traumatic experiences and learn to live differently, realizing their capabilities and choosing what is important. Deep psychotherapy helps to get rid of uncomfortable feelings and sensations - anxiety, inner rush, longing, fear, irritability, inner criticism, etc. In addition, psychotherapy as a processis the experience of being in a relationship (contact) and being meaningful. I'll explain now. In order for you to build healthy relationships, you need to understand exactly how you feel when you are appreciated, heard and understood. This relationship format is built in therapy. In it, you slowly learn to choose your roles and assert your needs. This will help you figure out when you build relationships outside the office.

What happens in psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is primarily about contact. Therefore, it is so important to choose not just a good specialist, but also a person with whom you are comfortable.

Each session is like a scientific study. We are the first looking for reasons and how it works today.

Then we analyze the situation, other similar situations, your role in them, your feelings and habitual decisions, the outcomes of similar situations before. This allows you to understand what's going on.

Then we try to understand why does it happen this way and what would happen if minor details changed (for example, if instead of escaping from a relationship, you stayed in it). This lets you know what you want to avoid.

Then we look for the experience that shaped this whole mechanism (for example, a relationship experience where a statement of needs was punished). This is necessary to find the trigger and understand where and how to work.

Further we choose a technique (there are a lot of them in psychotherapy), which will help to work out this specific situation. Sometimes it takes several sessions, because each is unique and there is no one instrument for all."

When there is no strong tension in this place (in your soul and consciousness regarding the traumatic situation), we looking for an alternative healthy mechanism … For example, allow yourself not to choose people who will be cruel. We discuss in detail how this can be done and what is missing. We work with this and you get a healthy strategy, without uncomfortable feelings.

When this is all passed, you can decide to finish the therapy, or work out another layer. If you decide to end, I ask for three sessions. On the first, we remember where we started and what the contract was (the request and the agreed method of therapy), on the second, we talk about the results and what we managed to achieve. The third is actually parting.

It seems that it will not be long, but after such a voluminous work, both of us will have something to say. Farewell is necessary in order to consolidate the result in consciousness. It's like drawing a map of the path traveled and, if anything, returning to it yourself.

What is resistance in psychotherapy?

Resistance in therapy is encountered by 100% of clients and therapists. This speaks of the client's mental health. Why? Because psychotherapy is like a surgical intervention in the psyche. The procedure is necessary, but not very pleasant. Naturally, the psyche will strive to maintain its integrity and prevent interference. Resistance usually manifests itself in rare incomprehensible diseases clearly in the laziness of the session, a sudden sensation, it’s already good, waking up sessions, being late, aggression during meetings and devaluation of one's efforts in therapy.

Resistance is an attempt to preserve the inflamed appendix, which is still an organ. Let the sick and disturbing. Suppose you have a temperature of 40 and you vomit the second day. The psyche will also strive to remain in its usual, albeit deformed form. This is fine.

What to do? The most useful thing is to come and devote 1-2 sessions to resistance. I will say in the language of transactional analysis: resistance is the rebellion of the inner Child against making changes in his usual world. To take care of him and go through this surgery to remove the trauma must be given safety, protection, understanding and an alternative. All this is given by the psychotherapist in working with resistance. You shouldn't be alone with him. Treat resistance as normal, work with it.

How long is a psychotherapist session?

Classics of psychoanalysis - 50 minutes. Why a psychotherapy session lasts 50 minutes - no one really explains. I can share my observations. At work, I follow the client. Sometimes I see that the client needs more time. And I give it.

What I noticed: people with an active nervous system, anxious clients are automatically in a hurry. A session with them, if you do not slow them down, can be milked for about 20 minutes. BUT. Their problem is precisely this speed. To solve the problem, you need to learn how to slow down and live, not fly. And, of course, remove the alarm. With anxious clients, sometimes I contrast not 50 minutes, but 80 with a short break of 5 minutes. This helps to work thoroughly and not tire the client.

With people immersed in themselves and with a slow inner speed, I work for 50 minutes. This is enough to do everything possible and planned for one session.

My personal explanation for the 50 minute setting is how the brain functions. There is an average time of stability of attention, there is a rate of weakening of reactions and a degree of endurance in emotional work. All this fits within a period of 40-60 minutes.

How often do psychotherapy sessions take place?

This question is individual. I usually suggest working 50 minutes once a week for a month and listening to yourself. It happens that a person is not enough and he asks for an extra hour. It happens that the internal analyst works very quickly and the client asks for a session every two weeks.

For the effectiveness of therapy, not only frequency is important, but also equal intervals. Everyone knows that the brain works with a certain rhythm. It is important not to bring chaos into it, but to integrate. For example, sessions every 7-8 days. Then the brain "gets used" to the analysis and work in 7-8 days, it is adjusted. And in between, there is an analysis and assimilation of experience. I have heard from clients more than once that cancellations of sessions or long breaks are felt at the first stages of work. The most intense.

As you progress, the therapy may require fewer sessions and this must be negotiated. In this case, the frequency is also generated.

The therapy schedule is also needed for the feeling of Security. It will be easier for you to deal with your life when you know that you have guaranteed time to find solutions.

Between psychotherapy sessions, how can you help yourself?

Changes in psychotherapy do not happen abruptly. They are gradual. And naturally, different events of your life will take place in the process. If these events are unpleasant, and there are still a few days before the session, you can give yourself important support.

My clients have the right of emergency communication - they can call or write to me in situations when it is especially difficult. I answer calls and emails whenever possible.

In addition, at the beginning of therapy, we discuss emergency contacts (who else can support). If there are none - again, the client can contact me.

Introspection homework is an obligatory part of therapy. Their implementation makes it easier to endure those situations that were previously unsettled.

The client necessarily receives coping strategies in emergency situations during therapy. For example, breathing techniques for panic attacks, emergency call of specialists, the ability to safely respond to stressful situations.

Psychotherapy is a small life where each client gets the opportunity to go through important stages anew and make new correct decisions about themselves, about other people and about life.

I hope this article has helped you understand a little more about what psychotherapy is. Of course, I only share my experience. But I am sure that many of my colleagues are familiar with everything that I have described.

I would be glad to hear from you, you can also share this article on social networks if it was interesting to you.