Answers On Questions. Fear Of Starting Something New. How Can I Help Myself?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Friends, I continue to answer your questions. While in the text version.

Perhaps even, for someone, a text version will be more suitable than a video.

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Second question.

marishka asks: Hello, for many years now, in many endeavors, I have been stopped by the fear of starting something, changing my job, the fear that I cannot, I don’t know how to deal with it, thank you)))

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My answer:

Thank you, marishka, for your question. I will try to answer your question.

I understand your desire to understand what is bothering you. I respect your interest in helping yourself. In my opinion, it is very important to be able to hear yourself and walk the path of life, taking into account yourself, your desires, your interests, your abilities and your capabilities.

Your fear is familiar to me. I changed jobs several times. And every time I was faced with fear, which said to me, “What if you don’t succeed?” and where you come it is not known how it will be. What if things get even worse? And then you will regret it, but it will be too late”and so on.

While we are in an unpleasant situation, although it is unpleasant for us, there is a lot of certainty in it.

But to go into the unknown, the new - there is a lot of uncertainty.

It's like walking into a dark room. It is dark there and nothing is visible and from this it is scary.

We see some silhouettes. And they seem to us frightening, threatening.

But as our eyes get used to the darkness, we can see that what we were so scared of is actually a vase of flowers on the table, and to us this silhouette seemed like an evil gnome with a swinging hand.

In my previous post "Questions to your answers" I wrote about the role and significance of fear for us. I will repeat the main thing. We need fear so that we can provide and maintain our safety. He signals to us that it can be dangerous and we need to worry about doing something that will be safe for us.

The fear of starting something new comes from childhood. Very often, from school years. When we learned something new, and understandably, we didn’t succeed in everything right away. And this is normal and natural when you are learning something new. But not always, unfortunately, we heard from those around us - mom, dad, relatives and teachers about this. More often than not, we heard “You could have done better. You did something badly. You do not succeed the first time. What are you good for? Such a fool! Did these words support us? Hardly. I'm not there.

Therefore, even now, starting new business, it is the voice that criticizes us that we hear.

And of course, he does not help us to go and try something new, but encourages us to stay put. It was then that at least this voice was not heard.

And if you remember those situations in childhood when we were told something like that? And imagine what we wanted to hear instead?

I wanted to hear, “It's okay that you don't get what you want right away. Try again like this and like this. I believe you can do it. And if it doesn't work out, we'll think about how else we can do it."

But when I was learning to ride a bike, I didn't immediately sit down and went. At first there was a period when it was very difficult for me to ride it, especially since the bike was big, with a high frame. And I had to pedal, slipping my foot under this frame. This was very inconvenient for me. Yet I gradually learned to ride my bike more confidently. Although there were falls and broken knees and elbows. What helped me learn to ride a bike? That I wanted to learn how to ride it and that I saw that others ride. So, I thought that I could also learn. Well, I probably heard from adults that there are falls and that this is normal.

And the fear of changing jobs signals us that, by changing jobs, we can survive and not die.

Therefore, I would suggest to you, marishka, to ask myself “what will be terrible if I change jobs? And what can I do that is important for me to take into account so that it would be safe for me to do this? What am I going to do if this does happen?"

And it may turn out that some skills are still lacking. Then it is important to think about how they could be developed? Or who could help you develop these skills in your new job? Who can you count on for support?

Or it could be related to financial security. Then it is also important to think about what can be done to make you financially safe, more or less calm?

Those. ask yourself questions:

1. What is the worst thing to happen if I do this?

2. What can I do to prevent this?

3. What will I do if this does happen?

And when you answer these questions to yourself and see that there is an understanding of what can be done and what you can do, and that you will remain alive in this case, then the fear weakens.

So how do you help yourself deal with this fear?

Recognize it and do whatever you can consider for your safety right now.

Those. FEAR AND DO.

Best done in small steps.

You took a small step and stopped, looked around, what did you get from this step? Is this what suits you? Or do you need to change something?

We take a step and orient ourselves.

If we talk about changing jobs, then these small steps can be: write a resume, post it, call and offer the employer yourself as a job seeker, go for an interview. And at every step, listen to yourself, how can I what I am doing? It suits me? Am I comfortable in this? Is this what I would like? Or something needs to be changed?

I will continue to myself. But in all new places of work, I, of course, came across something new and incomprehensible to myself. And yet I found opportunities to master what was new to me. She mastered new skills. I tried to figure out something myself. In some ways, she turned to others for support and help.

Well, the financial side. It can be financially difficult. And I sometimes with great difficulty, but still found opportunities to somehow support myself and financially too.

And it would also be good to turn to your experience. To the fact that you once had situations where it seemed to you that you could not cope, and yet you managed to cope.

Recall these situations. To say to myself "I did it then, then I can handle it now."

This experience has always supported me. It is possible that you also have it, and you can also support yourself with this.

I hope, marishka, my thoughts will be useful to you.

And if you need to investigate in more detail what prevents you from starting to do something or changing your job, I will be glad to help you with an individual consultation.